On Life Right Now...

  Things are different now.
  There is little doubt the current pandemic outbreak of Covid-19 will not be something that passes by in a couple of weeks or even months and it will bring changes to how we live and do the things we took for granted not a week ago. Worried and anxious, pondering what to do next, I am hopeful in the way most Canadians are that we are listening to the medical community and trying to get ahead of this thing. I am hopeful that the initial panic buying will subside and rational people will return to some semblance of stocking up with an eye to not hoarding or depriving people in need. But most of all I am hopeful that we can come out the other side of this in the months ahead with a sense of humble awareness that we must do better in all things. We must find ways to support those who need help when sickness or disaster strikes, personally or in a larger community, to be able to stay home and deal with it without fear of losing their place in the world or going hungry. Paid sick days will be a point of discussion and we need to make sure our elected officials know this as we go forward. Full time workers in retail and food service are among the largest sectors that usually have no access to a paid sick day in any form and with most making minimum wage or just above, cannot afford to miss even one shift without jeopardizing their financial health.
   Working sick was a badge of honour for me not even two years ago, I proudly would proclaim that after 30 plus years of full time work I had never taken a sick day in my life and was often condescending to those who did. Let me tell you that I have learned in the last few years as I get older and see my friends and family find themselves caring for elderly relatives or dealing with their own health scares that there is nothing brave or smart about putting yourself in that position to keep your employer happy. It is difficult for me to let go, but I have come round to being an advocate for those who work with and for me to take a day if they need it. I watch for signs of mental and physical health issues and offer whatever I can to help the people who I have responsibility for. As I approach 50, I realise that my wisdom should also be tempered with compassion and sympathy that I never had from some of those whom I worked for.
  During what is to be a drastically changed world in the coming year, I hope we can find some humanity and lean hard into caring about more than just ourselves. The world is hurting right now and without us coming together to do what must be done, it will go on much longer than it should. Following the advice and direction of medical professionals and those managing this crisis is imperative to give us a shot at flattening the curve and acceleration of the infection. If missing some events and having to forgo things for a few weeks or months means helping to make that happen, then it is imperative we do so, with an eye to a future where we can once again hug and shake the hands of those we meet. Vigilance and dedication to being a part of the solution is our only way forward. We cannot stop the virus yet, but we can mitigate its spread and give our scientists a chance at a vaccine and a cure for those already afflicted.
 So know that no one is alone, even though we are apart. The whole world is in this together and while my own mind may feel the darkness and pessimism of a nihilist, my heart tells me we can do this. I write when I need to, when my thoughts get to heavy I feel compelled to let them out and then I feel better inside. I'm here with you and may we share virtual pints until the time comes when we can share real ones again.
Stay calm, stay safe and stay home if you can.
Oh, and wash your damn hands.


Polk.

School Daze - From Genius to Drop Out in 13 Years

 

Baby Polk had great hair and no clue what was coming.

  I used to be smart.
  Well, book smart anyway...not so much with the life decisions as it turns out.
  School was always easy and I never doubted that I was headed to university at some point and a life as a lawyer or perhaps teacher in my future, with a side of semi famous novelist on the side. And while those dreams persisted for many years, by the time I hit grade 11, it was evident to me and those who knew me that my attention to pursuing higher education had waned and the appearance of drugs, alcohol and bad decisions was taking a premier place in my life. It wasn't a certain event that took me from scholar to scumbag but rather an indifference to the entire process that crept in as I learned just how much effort I actually had to put in to stay ahead of the curve. Making my teachers like me was pretty easy if I behaved, turned in good work and didn't stir the pot. I was quiet, appearing attentive in class and never missing a beat, even when I hardly gave any thought to what I was doing. Their attention was always on the troubled kids, so a supposedly smart one didn't warrant any attention as long as the high marks continued and the behaviour didn't change. I should have seen it coming and maybe they should of too, but the blame falls squarely on me as I knew way earlier than anyone that I was slowly sliding into a morass of doing just enough and not caring anymore.
  The beginning was much like anyone's at school, I enjoyed going and developed an affinity for English, history, math and science very early which had me tested and labelled as advanced in my grade school years. Attempts were made to keep me stimulated with early 80's computer lab programming and skipping ahead in math to the higher grade bringing me some focus and making me work a bit for what I had. Good teachers and parents who wanted nothing but the best for me felt I wasn't ready to skip an entire grade or two, fearful for my social integration, which even then wasn't my strong suit. Looking back is easy but who knows what would have happened if someone pulled the trigger on that move. I don't think it would have made much difference as I was already manipulating the system and taking advantage of my standing as a good kid.
  Then came The Move and I found an even easier way out.
  As a new kid and part of a rather large class with established social hierarchies I fell in with the nerds and some of the kids on the perceived wrong side of the tracks at the same time. A mix-up in my transfer led to me being assigned to math classes way above where I had been and it turned me off the entire thing as I didn't want to bother anyone and struggled for the first time in my life. Instead of buckling down, I began to explore even more ways to make my life easier even as it got more complicated. I kept my grades high but the effort was falling every month, never a good trend as High school loomed.

Grade 8 Grad.
Channelling my inner Punch Imlach

  Going to a private high school for grade nine and abandoning all my new found friends and then quitting that for a local public school after one year left me grasping for some stability and that was where things really started to go off the rails. Perhaps I was searching for something I used to have or coming to the realisation that my youthful burst of intelligence was but a façade that covered up a mostly lazy kid who did just enough to get by. Either way, by Grade 11, it was clear time was up and I had to choose a path, right or wrong, light or dark and when The Party happened, away I went.

One of the few pictures in existence of me from age 17 to 19
I was like the Loch Ness Drunk

  My aptitude for learning never stopped but my ability to sit in a classroom and deal with deadlines and group work was done. I pursued several attempts at going back and even when my aunt and uncle offered to fund my first years tuition if I would enrol in University, it wasn't enough to get me to look at where I was headed.

Working nights at a gas station and hanging out with weird chicks.

 I slogged on with life, ultimately ending up here and now in this moment. Did I miss out on my true calling by abandoning higher education and pursuing my early dreams? An answer I struggle with because had I chosen a different path, I never would have met Kat, nor the other hundreds of people who helped shape the person I am today. I am sure I have made a difference to someone I've mentored or given advice to along the way and that is a comforting thought. I am not a believer in destiny or religion but I always feel like I am where I am solely because of the decisions I made and that is what it is supposed to be. We are the sum total of every choice we make up to this very moment and while shaping my life by not chasing my early promise was something I did unconsciously, it was ultimately the first in a series of things that led me here.
  My true comfort comes by being able to write and share about what I've done and that may be the best thing about what this entire endeavour into craft beer has brought me. A sense of peace with each part of my not so glorious past that I write about. It is almost like once I see the words scroll across the screen, I let go of whatever pain my mistakes caused me go into the universe, troubled by that moment no more.


Cheers.
Polk

One more Baby Polk pic because I miss that mop of hair

Life is Better with Craft Beer

 

 

Raise your glass and join me for a pint.

Every day is one that I know will end with at least one new beer and therefore, another Instagram story. I have been posting at least once a day since January 1st this year and have described over 700 beers or events that I have encountered. That's a lot of words, somewhere over 200,000 when you get into the blogs and while I've never been known to keep it short and sweet, this surprised even me. I am sure others have written more and investigated deeper about craft beer, but my open and honest style and what that has done for me is nothing short of a miracle.

If you've been following all along, then you already know that I use my life, past and present, in my work and that is not always the easiest thing to do. So many people keep their emotions inside and are afraid to let go. I was there and I discovered that by opening my life to the world through beer, I changed it forever.

Tabernac in Quebec City 2016

I've met some amazing people through Craft Beer as well and am always ready to go out and meet more any time someone wants to raise a pint with me. New experiences and people keep entering my life and it's only getting better.

Nothing could have prepared me for total strangers wanting to share a beer with me or meet up and become real life friends. I didn't start anything with that intention, I just liked writing about what I was tasting with a little of what I was doing at the time. I am actually quite introverted and it can be difficult to force myself into new and different situations; But with Craft Beer, I seem to have found a way to talk to and engage people I don't know. It gives us a common ground from which to work and we always seem to find a whole lot more alike when we meet up and order a flight of beer. I am certain it is the way I have chosen to share my life that encourages people to reach out and I want that to continue as well. I want to hear your stories, your journey and be part of your narrative. I want to do these things because it has made everything so much brighter in my life and the more people I can add to my circle, the clearer I can see.

I am an emotional guy. I react with my gut and go with my intuition about things. I have yet to meet someone from my online life who didn't live up to their digital persona. I'm sure not everyone who drinks craft beer is nice or personable, but the people who I have had the pleasure of meeting have been singularly spectacular. Open and caring, they continue to amaze me with their generosity in bringing me beer to try and spending time sharing our life stories over a pint makes my heart sing.

Some people have reacted negatively online to my openness. I pay them no mind, they seek to bring people down to their level and I encourage everyone to aspire to be better. Fly above those who do nothing but criticize and eventually they no longer can be seen or heard because you have left them behind to wallow in their own self loathing and sadness. I don't understand that type of person because why wouldn't you want to be a positive force when the world needs it so much.

I tend to write about the good and seek to stay that way. I veer a little evangelical now and then in my praise of Craft beer and I am okay with that. What it has brought to me is beyond my capacity to repay with my words or pictures. Every experience I have is born out of a desire to find a new beer, a story or to meet a new friend. Seek and you shall find is how I begin every day. The truth in my life found waiting for me when I opened myself up to it. 

Nights like this are not to be missed.

I am constantly pushing people to get out and explore their communities through their local breweries. I want to not only share my tale but read and see yours. It makes me happy when people chronicle enjoying an event or trying a new beer that catches their fancy. The breweries themselves are constantly coming up with fun things (think Yoga, running clubs, paint and a pint) to do either at the actual destination or throughout the town. This kind of involvement in local events is how they grow organically and cultivate the good will of not only the people who are already fans but those who didn't even know they existed. Every day someone tries a craft beer for the first time and if we can associate that experience with a great memory, it reinforces my notion that better beer can make a difference if people will only try it.

Today I write because I can't imagine not doing it. Either here or in my personal blog (Needs to be Said), Instagram, Facebook or Twitter, I always try to bring you something to think about in a positive and happy way. I want to continue this journey and hope to keep meeting those who travel this road that meets at the corner of Hops and Barley.

Raise your glass and your standards, one beer at a time.

Come by and say hello if you see me out and about, we can sit down and share a pint and a story.

Cheers!

Time for a new adventure

Through the Darkness to the Light

The blackness of depression and white hot panic of anxiety are always near me. Without warning they can flare up and make any day a struggle. If you live with these twins of despair, you know what they can do to you. Clouding your judgement and making even the simplest things difficult.

The other day was a good one...until it wasn't. I cannot fully explain what triggers my emotional response sometimes and it is with much trepidation that I even type these words. The dark and empty feeling when you cannot make sense of the world around you can trap you in a spiral of doubt and shame that is hard to pull out of. Add alcohol to the mix and it can burn hotter and longer than you intended to let it.

In the old days, I would respond to this mood by trying to drown it with cheap beer. I've talked about not going Full Polkaroo before and it is part of my journey through craft beer that I must acknowledge every time I crack open a new one. I no longer want to be that guy, so my response to the trials and tribulations of everyday life are much more thoughtful and measured now. At least I hope they are.
Earlier this week the clouds rolled into my mind and I couldn't shake them off. Nothing really was the cause, but I felt the crushing weight return and I was at a loss. Instead of responding with copious amounts of booze, I decided to wait it out. I had grabbed three tall boys of my favourite beers and considered just downing them to ease the pain, but I couldn't do it. My appreciation for a well crafted beer means I don't want to waste even one on trying to cover my feelings. As I stared at the cans in front of me, I tried to imagine what it would be like to not care about what I drank and just pound beers until I didn't feel anything anymore. It is a scary thing to know how far you can go to try to escape yourself, But as I have grown in the last year and learned about myself, I discovered a reserve of strength inside and put the cans back in the fridge. Not wanting to pound one beer in anger on a bad day was a triumph to me and it helped to lighten my mood.
It took the better part of two days for the sun to shine in my heart and while I knew I was off the rails, there was nothing to do but wait. I'm impatient at the best of times and that was part of the problem before. I knew that popping the top on ten or twenty Brava lights would make me feel better right now and that was all I needed. But the false happiness of those beers was soon followed by the realisation that my problems hadn't gone away, I was now hung over and still faced my own demons. The fact that I could enjoy my one beer and not give in to those old feelings was part of what helped my come out the other side in one piece. I enjoyed each of those beers in time and I was so glad I hadn't just pounded them mindlessly. I've learned that sometimes the best beer is the one you don't drink.
Bad days come to all of us, but it is our response to them that counts. Being aware of my own problems and not hiding from them is part of what I am doing in becoming a better person. I say it all the time, but it deserves repeating...Craft beer saved my life and I am grateful for that. I will continue to sing its praises and enjoy the wonderful and innovative flavours I find when I open the next one. Brighter days beckon and with summer coming, I am excited to see what's next.


Raise your glass and your standards!


Cheers!




Living out Loud

When I look back over the last few months I am struck by the rapidity of how the community of craft beer drinkers has both expanded and become closer through the simple act of sharing our pictures of what we're drinking on Instagram. I started doing it to keep track of what I was consuming and slowly it has morphed into my go to spot to see new beers, hang out (virtually) with new friends and make plans for future trips.

What's weird is how much I was separated from most forms of social media only a year ago. I had deleted my Facebook, didn't use Twitter and posted sporadically on Instagram. My only real outlet was Untappd and that was strictly to count beers and get badges. So what changed and made me into the Internet marauding Polkaroo I am today? Why as I approach my mid 40's do I feel the need to write blogs, beer reviews and other stories about my life? Is there a reason I make videos and talk about personal stuff while drinking a new beer? It's not an easy thing to expose all you are to a world that's increasingly fractured, hard and inward looking. But I couldn't live in darkness anymore and if I wanted to change, I needed to be loud about it.

I didn't sit down and map out a plan of how I would become the Drunk Polkaroo. It has been an organic journey that takes weird and wonderful turns that even I couldn't possibly have predicted. I have seen the very darkest parts of my soul take root and almost drag me down to the bottom of the well and sometimes I felt I deserved it. That kind of bleak outlook was an everyday part of my life for so many years and I don't think I can adequately explain what my depression and anxiety feels like to anyone because it feels so personal and sad. But when I started to see the light with the help of great beer, something just clicked.

I understand that some people think this is a joke, or that I am screwing around, but I assure you I am not. I legitimately have used Craft Beer to change my life and how I want to live it. By slowing down and trying to think about what I am drinking I have created a way of life that forces me to consider everything I do. It isn't about getting drunk anymore, it has become a gateway to a world I didn't know existed. While I do have at least one a night, it is in that moment that I explore my past, present and future. The beer has become the focal point only in that I savour every minute and allow the flavours to inspire my words. I am not the only one that this has happened to. I am joined in my quest by many people even if they don't realise it. Our love of well made, balanced brews has become a common thread that binds us together and it is when we meet online or in real life that we discover good people drink good beer.

I choose to Live out Loud and shun the darkness. I know my story is long and my past is littered mistakes, but I am compelled to confront them in order to make the future brighter. My life may be half over, but I truly believe the best part is yet to come. I refuse to quietly go away and hide from the dark things that chased me for so many years. We all have personal demons, I am no longer afraid of mine. Confronting my fears gives me power over them and that alone makes every day beautiful.
So what is the purpose and goal of all my digital and real life galavanting? I don't think I will ever truly know. There is a purpose in every word I write now and for someone who once had a promising future he threw away, that is a good start. I am constantly writing, whether it sees the light of day or not. Often times it is only to clear space in my head for the bright things I wish to do in the future and to address some doubt or sadness that creeps into my thoughts as I amble about. I am glad you come with me as I explore Craft Beer and the Polkaroo's own mind. I came so close to shutting myself off from the world not so long ago that I know what it feels like to be alone. I won't let that happen again. I can see the stars in my future are shining down on amazing beer from all over the world and it is in the quest for the next great brew that I can shout my love of life to the universe.
Raise your glass and your standards!
Cheers!