Drinking is personal.

  My relationship with alcohol is more complicated than anything else I've encountered in my life, because at the end of it all, it's really about my own internal struggle and conflict with how I live and what kind of reality I see every day. The past is hazy, I leaned hard into the mind altering, carefree way that a couple of beers could make you feel, nobody loved the 2 or 3 beer buzz more than I...nobody. I didn't want to get obliterated every night, my addiction was far less insidious and in front of me in a way that I wanted to escape but still seem in control. Just enough alcohol to numb, not enough to become a problem for anyone but myself. And without the health issues I encountered last fall, I don't see how I would have interrupted that pattern without some form of intervention, from the outside or within.

 I always say that nobody know more about how to diet and exercise than a fat guy, we know the stats and what we need to do, we just can't find the will or the way to do it...but baby, do we know the cheap, expensive and everything in between about it. Same goes for drunks. I can see through different, sober, eyes now, even though I always knew the problem existed. I watch how much everyone else seems to drink now, and know that I probably drank at least as much and probably more. Until you step back, you don't see how many you're putting back in a week, they all blur together into a mash of everything is okay...until the day it isn't.  

  We glamorize the new releases and beer fests, ignoring the underlying social and health issues associated with our favourite thing outside of paying homage to fallen pals and urging the "moderation" crew as long as it doesn't impact the bottom line. We don't want to talk about the societal issues, health ramifications and mental health problems associated with alcohol, we just want to see pretty reels and pictures about community and having a good time. We know deep in our souls that everything on social media is seen through a foggy lens of false perfection, all the while claiming authenticity and good times. I live in this world, it is my window and my door, the only way I feel like I belong anywhere is when I exist there and it is exhausting. The break I forced myself to take from most of it during my initial recovery was freeing in a way, but I still find myself drawn back into its orbit because I don't know what else to do or where I should go. I like talking about beer and how it feels, even the non-alcoholic ones have a way of giving you a break from the world, where you can focus on what's in your glass instead of the growing dystopia that seems to be gaining momentum around the globe. I know so many folks want beer and other alcohol based communities to be free of politics and a place for everyone, but as we have seen and heard for so long, the more things change, the more they stay the same when it comes to our problems and our inclinations. Is it wrong for people to want an escape? A place where the biggest problem is a beer style they don't like or an off flavour killing the lager vibe? The gathering of like minded individuals, who's political leanings may or may not be aligned, is possible, as long as no one rocks the boat or makes it weird. But making it weird means making it better. Making it weird for the majority means everyone can feel weird together. 

But what do I know, I'm a drunk...

Polk

September 29th, 2025