1 February 2019

Not so Dry...

Life is never simple and each day I pour a beer and talk about for a little while to help me sort it all out. It has brought me much joy but also something to ponder about where I am headed next. With the rise in people doing the Dry January and now the Canadian Cancer Society's Dry Feb fundraiser (link here) that some of my beer friends are going to be starting today, I felt like I should take a moment and pose some questions to myself as I try to better understand what the last 3+ years of my life have been about.  After more than 3500 beer reviews and almost 1000 videos, this blog and the countless tweets, am I ready to step back?
  The American beer writer Norman Miller (The Beer Nut) posted his final column (link here) back in late November talking about having to quit writing about and even drinking beer because he knew his consumption was slowly killing him. A wickedly insightful and self aware post that has been sitting with me for almost 3 months as I take a serious look at what I do and why I continue to do so.
  Should I take a break?
  From craft beer?
  From social media?
  From it all...?
  In his column, Norman talks of drinking 5 or 6 pints every weekend day and then that even became most Thursdays. Like me, he struggled with his weight and although I have yet to end up in the hospital with stomach issues, I feel what he was saying deeply in my heart. While my own largeness has been with me my whole life, the last year and a half saw me go to a number that really scared me...but still I go on and I wonder why.
  Because he is not me.
 I don't go out and drink with people, it is a by product of anxiety and just plain work that gets in my way. But that "Guy's Night" mentality is done for me and that has removed some of what would cause me to pound beer after beer.  I don't drink more than two or three beers most nights and to be honest, even that has dropped to one after I switched jobs and felt a little more like myself after walking away from a toxic environment.  
  But even a beer or 2 every day may be too much and after over 1100 days straight of being the daily beer guy, is it time to stop?
  I considered a Dry January, or even the Dry Feb with it's charity aspect to end my important only to me streak but I held back...because it isn't the beer at all that I fear. It is who I was before all this began. That guy was not ending up anywhere but in rehab or dead and I still believe to this day that finding craft beer saved my life.
  I used to drink a lot. 12 to 16 beers a day was not uncommon. usually late at night when I got home from work and alone. I will not mince words and say I was after anything more than a good, blackout drunk and to be quick about it. After years of chasing that particular ghost, I found craft beer and before I knew it, everything had changed. I found a voice, I rediscovered my love of writing and I began to feel the dynamic shift in my relationship to alcohol. To be sure I still felt the siren call of the blackness, but I was no longer held captive by it.
  As the last 3 years will attest, I have had slip ups and bad weeks where I definitely drank too much, like almost anyone who drinks does. The difference now was that I knew it and was active in trying to stop, each time a lasting less than the one before it. Now if I have four beers in one sitting, I'm falling asleep in my chair. I would rather have one beer and talk about it, what's happening in the world or my life than get hammered and that is why I won't be stopping any time soon. It isn't a problem for me, despite my often misplaced jokes about getting drunk or wanting to be wasted all the time. It is a satire on my original persona that inspired the entire Drunk Polkaroo universe that I riff on and enjoy with gusto as my life continues to be redefined every time I write or film a video.

  I feel no pressure to review a beer or post every day. I didn't start any of this to just be about beer, it merely grew organically over time into that. I have given some thought to just stopping with social media altogether when I'm having a rough day or getting bombarded with negative comments or sideways slams from people in the digital world. But as an advocate for not just better beer, but mental health, body positivity, inclusivity and just plain being kind to each other, I feel like I am in a good place to keep on keeping on.
  I recognise not all people are this aware about what they are drinking and there are most assuredly many of us who drink far too much, far too often. I see it and know that many people view me the same way. I get it and do not want to encourage anyone to ignore the signs of trouble in their own lives. It's just beer and if it is causing you to miss work, abuse yourself or those around you or it has stopped being a positive force in your life, then I beg you to seek help. Life should be enhanced by the drinking of beer, not hidden from inside the glass.
  I am trying to reign in my snarky comments about macro beer and will try to be a more positive force in the world I inhabit by supporting people and initiatives I align with better. I will continue to use these platforms to advocate for the things that matter to me and I will work with those who want to make the world a little better each day. 
   As for Dry February, I love the initiative and it touches all of us as we have all had brushes with Cancer in our lives or those of the people we love. So I will be donating, dollar for dollar, every time I spend money on beer in February to one of my friends campaigns. Check out Mike Burton (link here) or his team Beer Snobs United (link here) and perhaps you too can help out by donating yourself, like me or in your own way. Maybe you're thinking of giving Dry Feb a shot yourself, do what makes you happy I say!  Every dollar counts and I know that at least even more good will come from having a beer besides the liquid gold in my glass.
  Having struggled for years to find my place in this world, I am not going to go gently into that good night but rather I shall continue to try and be a positive beacon of hope and love...and beer!