The Answer

Many years ago at my local watering hole, a barfly named Frankie told me that the answers to life lay in the bottom of the glass. I must have thought that was sage advice as I spent the next 25 years searching for that answer. Bottle after bottle, pitcher upon pitcher, I drank on. Bleary eyed and hungover I would wake and the answer would be just out of reach, hanging in my mind like a spider's web and then gone with the rain of macro lagers I pounded in vain. What damage was wrought by two plus decades of silencing my voice with beer? Who knows but the Polkaroo the evil caused and done by drowning your troubles in tasteless, over chilled, mass produced brews? Time and time again I would vow to stop, to moderate, only to find another morning surrounded by empties, shame and a hazy memory of what had occurred.

 Then into my life came a light, a small flickering one at first; Growing slowly as it took down the ancient castles of ignorance, depression and anxiety. To taste a beer and enjoy it without losing yourself to the darkness was new to me. It wasn't a quick lesson, my life is not that simple. But it was a presence, a force and as time went on, Craft Beer became a way to be in the moment, not disappear and hide. You look deep into your glass because you know it will be a singular experience. This liquid is someone's dream, their hopes and passion brewed with care and quality. To pound it back and disregard that love is not only an insult, but a waste of what your vessel contains. Beer should not be an excuse to leave your friends and enter your own world. It is meant to be shared, to enhance and grow your life and maybe even bring some joy to a dreary day. Be it an old favourite or something you've never tried before, each one is waiting for you.

I chose better beer because I know the answer now. Where I searched frantically before to gain a moments joy from the fleeting haze of a drunken state, I slow down and ponder. I look not to the bottom of the glass, but into the full one that sits before me. I imagine the brewmaster planning the recipe, preparing to brew, firing up the kettle and then waiting to see the final results. It is a leap of faith to send your creation into the world and it is that act that has changed my life forever.

So I will go on. I will preach my thankful words and high praise for those who make this magic elixir. I will raise my voice in joy at the opening of a new beer and I will watch with a patient eye as the liquid hits the glass. The building of the foamy head, the scent of hops, malt or perhaps even coffee fills my senses. Before you sip, look at what has been carefully constructed and placed in your hand. Pick it up, say "Cheers!" and enjoy what is the answer I was looking for all along.

To raise your glass in happiness and drink in all that life has to offer is what I wanted. To see new and wonderful places, to meet amazing people who share a passion for something and to learn new things was all right there for the taking. I just had to remove the only obstacle in my way.

 Myself.

I learned to let myself experience life and despite my own trepidations, step out of my routine and comfort zone. Without Craft beer, this never happens and I am left bereft with nothing but sadness and that empty feeling. But I now know the thing that was missing, I choose MY path less travelled and it has indeed made all the difference.

This poem from Robert Frost of often quoted for its last three lines; It is also misunderstood just as often. Both paths are equally worn, but your memory and your choice will be what you are left with when your time comes to an end. I keep it close because it reminds me that while Frankie had good intentions, that path of macro was well worn with sad results. The Craft beer one is also well travelled, but when you look back, it will be this way that brought the most happiness to your life. Take a chance, try something new and explore all your local Craft Brewers have to offer. It is your choice, make it wisely and be brave.

Cheers!

The Road Not Taken

Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveller, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Through the Darkness to the Light

The blackness of depression and white hot panic of anxiety are always near me. Without warning they can flare up and make any day a struggle. If you live with these twins of despair, you know what they can do to you. Clouding your judgement and making even the simplest things difficult.

The other day was a good one...until it wasn't. I cannot fully explain what triggers my emotional response sometimes and it is with much trepidation that I even type these words. The dark and empty feeling when you cannot make sense of the world around you can trap you in a spiral of doubt and shame that is hard to pull out of. Add alcohol to the mix and it can burn hotter and longer than you intended to let it.

In the old days, I would respond to this mood by trying to drown it with cheap beer. I've talked about not going Full Polkaroo before and it is part of my journey through craft beer that I must acknowledge every time I crack open a new one. I no longer want to be that guy, so my response to the trials and tribulations of everyday life are much more thoughtful and measured now. At least I hope they are.
Earlier this week the clouds rolled into my mind and I couldn't shake them off. Nothing really was the cause, but I felt the crushing weight return and I was at a loss. Instead of responding with copious amounts of booze, I decided to wait it out. I had grabbed three tall boys of my favourite beers and considered just downing them to ease the pain, but I couldn't do it. My appreciation for a well crafted beer means I don't want to waste even one on trying to cover my feelings. As I stared at the cans in front of me, I tried to imagine what it would be like to not care about what I drank and just pound beers until I didn't feel anything anymore. It is a scary thing to know how far you can go to try to escape yourself, But as I have grown in the last year and learned about myself, I discovered a reserve of strength inside and put the cans back in the fridge. Not wanting to pound one beer in anger on a bad day was a triumph to me and it helped to lighten my mood.
It took the better part of two days for the sun to shine in my heart and while I knew I was off the rails, there was nothing to do but wait. I'm impatient at the best of times and that was part of the problem before. I knew that popping the top on ten or twenty Brava lights would make me feel better right now and that was all I needed. But the false happiness of those beers was soon followed by the realisation that my problems hadn't gone away, I was now hung over and still faced my own demons. The fact that I could enjoy my one beer and not give in to those old feelings was part of what helped my come out the other side in one piece. I enjoyed each of those beers in time and I was so glad I hadn't just pounded them mindlessly. I've learned that sometimes the best beer is the one you don't drink.
Bad days come to all of us, but it is our response to them that counts. Being aware of my own problems and not hiding from them is part of what I am doing in becoming a better person. I say it all the time, but it deserves repeating...Craft beer saved my life and I am grateful for that. I will continue to sing its praises and enjoy the wonderful and innovative flavours I find when I open the next one. Brighter days beckon and with summer coming, I am excited to see what's next.


Raise your glass and your standards!


Cheers!




You Never Go Full Polkaroo

Hey you.
Yeah, you, the guy at the end of his rope after a bad day.
Wanna get a case of Old Mil and just drown your sorrows in shitty macro lagers? Sounds awesome doesn't it. But what you don't know is that all that is going to do is make your day worse and your morning a disaster. Chug away anyway but don't say I didn't warn you.

That was what I used to do when I had a rough day. Get hammered and ease my mind out of the conscious world into the unconscious one. It was so easy to just pound tasteless beers into my gut one after the other until I could barely remember my own name, let alone all the garbage that life was throwing at me. But of course this never solved what troubled me, it only made it worse because I would now be hungover and still have the problem to deal with.

I have many times explained how craft beer helped me to slow down, engage my beer in a responsibly and generally stop being such a jackass. I mean, I'm still a jackass, but with nicer beer glasses and of course, better brews. Check out one of my earlier posts, A Brief History of Me  for a summary of how I came to be here.
What happens now when I have a rough day? I still want to get hammered and forget all my problems. Sometimes it is very strong, that siren call of oblivion. But I no longer respond to her tasteless, empty cry. Instead I let my emotions run their course, vent a little to someone I trust and begin my ritual of choosing a beer for the night. I describe some of my techniques for slowing down in my post Just One Beer. The biggest thing I can do when I have one of those days, that we all do sometimes, is to remind myself that I have stared into the abyss of losing everything so many times and kept going. That's good solid advice there. How many times have you thought you can't possibly go on and look at that, you're still here. You and I are pretty awesome.
Last night was one of those times and I really took my time in choosing my beer. I wanted something to just sip and enjoy so that I could roll my issues around my head while keeping it clear. I have shared how I have developed a process I call The Ritual, that helps me to really consider what I am doing and choose my beer accordingly. It is important to me that I embrace all the flavours, aromas and textures of my beer every time I have one. A new beer means a chance to write a review, attempt to take an "artsy" picture and share it with the world. This is my favourite time of the day and I don't want to ruin it by just mindlessly pounding shitty beer. Or good beer. Never waste good beer on a bender. That's just stupid.

Artsy beer pictures are my thing now. Weird.

I chose a big 9 % ABV Cameron's Brewing Company Obsidian Rum Barrel aged Imperial Porter and it was delicious. A large flavour profile beer that I knew would keep changing as I drank it, so I really sipped and savoured. Just a great beer for helping to see that even the worst of your problems have a solution or an end. And if it's just not going to get better for a while, why not at least have an hour where all you do is embrace your beer. It worked for me, along with some tunes, and I felt like a human being again.
So the next time you think cramming shots and chugging flavourless macro brews is the only thing you can do to forget your problem, try to consider what I've shared with you. I am proof that you can still drink beer and not give in to that inner voice that wants all the beer, right now. Call a friend, take a walk or do something to get your mind moving. Then open the fridge, pick something amazing from your favourite brewery or maybe a new one. Pop the top, pour it into a glass and settle down to contemplate what's troubling you. Let the beer be part of the solution, not an addition to the problem.
And remember kids.
Even though it sounds awesome...
You never go Full Polkaroo.
It doesn't end well.
Cheers!