The Ten - 2020 in 10 Memorable Beers

 

  This was a year unlike any other, and while we are still a long way off from seeing the end of the pandemic and what I can only hope will be a new and changed world, we still drank beer and found ways to enjoy some moments of joy.

  Every year I put this list out, I call it 'The Ten' in honour of the ten most memorable or impactful beers to cross my path this year. Are they the best? Well, best is subjective to each and everyone of us and I will later lay bare my favourites in various categories, but this is not that. This is about impact, memories, moments and beer that stayed with me through the year. It is tied to the time and place when it came to my glass, although this year that is almost exclusively at home. It is more about the pleasure of consumption, contemplation and sometimes elation at what is in every pint poured this year. 

  The value of the ten beers found below is not just measured by their high quality, but by their constantly staying in the periphery and then forefront of my mind. It is not just beer at this point, it has become an intrinsic part of the life I lead and the world I want to see. It is comfort, consistency and honour. It is joy and pride and creativity writ barley meets hops and this list barely scratches the surface of the amazing things I have been lucky enough to find when I popped the top almost 800 times this year. 

  You can argue what the best IPA or Stout is, your palate may differ from mine and vice versa. This list is not just about great beer, it is about beer that mattered to me for a variety of reason I have already enunciated above. So welcome to 'The Ten' 2020, pour a pint and let's begin...

10. Collective Arts IPA No 15

  Remember a one off beer that you wished would come back again? Not a seasonal, but a singular experience that was much enjoyed and then gone in a wisp of time. We had jokingly been tweeting at Collective Arts for a while with the hashtag #Keep5Alive (courtesy the SOBeerBoys) and while they always teased us along, we never thought we would see it in our glasses again. 

Well, in late October we received a much needed good news moment as Collective brought us IPA No 15, the rebrew of IPA No 5 in all its 8.2% Simcoe and Citra Double IPA glory.  It was a spectacular return and we rejoiced as much as those who had never experienced it before and would now understand our devotion. It was nice to see a brewery as big as they have become still care what their most ardent fans wanted to see. Lots of love for my Hometown Heroes.

What I said then : 

It's back.

#Keep5Alive and in 2020, @collectivebrew delivered a happy moment amidst the chaos this year has been. IPA No 15 is the first ReBrew of the Collective Arts IPA series that has been riding along for more than 3 years with a new one every so often that showcases different styles, hops and malts. To return to this powerful release is a good things for a lot of us to be able to revisit and see if we can remember a beer from almost 3 years ago and for all those who haven't been able to try it, a chance to peek behind the mania and experience our joy. Still loving the 8.2% and mega hop combo of Citra and Simcoe, it is a hazy beauty with loads of citrus right from the top of the pour. Orange, grapefruit, pineapple, apricot, pine, dank and lightly resinous with a juicy tropical lingering pith for good measure. So do I remember IPA No 5 super clearly? Well that was a lot of beers ago, but I remember the feeling of happiness when I drank it and damned if I'm not feeling that now. Thank you to my friends at Collective for this surprise beer drop, you know I never miss a release and this one, hitting the bottle shops tomorrow, is gonna be on repeat buy for a while. LCBO bound in the coming weeks for all of you not bound for The Hammer or the new location in Toronto. Cheers! 4.75/5

Link to Pints with Polk video Review here. 

9. Wellington Brewery Arkell Best Bitter in a Box 

  Celebrating 35 years brewing beer in Ontario during a pandemic wasn't the easiest thing for Wellington Brewery to do, but damned if they didn't pump out some absolutely amazing pints in 2020. Along with a plethora of LCBO available releases, they seemed to have something unique and special almost every week at the brewery bottle shop and this was one of them that I was not going to miss. I cut my craft beer teeth going to Cask Nights back in the middle of the decade and when Welly dropped a box of their super crushable. 4.0% Arkell Best Bitter in late September I sprinted to Guelph ASAP. 

  When I returned home, Kathryn and I sat outside in The Grotto and enjoyed a warm early fall evening pouring glass after glass until the entire contents of the box were empty. It was a lovely evening of music and conversation, the low ABV giving rise to a sessionable, pub patio like feel and as the lights twinkled in the dark of night, we were thankful to have had this singular, 2020 experience.

What I said then : 

I'm not gonna do anything for the next two days except relax, drink beer and enjoy this late September heat out in the Grotto.

May the beer gods bless @wellingtonbrewery with another 35 great years as we celebrate their 35th anniversary with the return of Cask Ale in a 4 litre box! Arkell Best Bitter is a 4.0% throwback that brings a low carbonation, bready toasted malts, caramel and toffee with a soft bitterness and an easy drinking way about it to the patio as the sun shines! I can't encourage you enough to get this if they bring it back, it crushes like a dream, pours more than 8 pints and  rewards all the hard work you did to enjoy a nice night off. Well done Welly, bravo! Cheers! 5/5

Link to Pints with Polk Video Review here

8. Sawdust City Brewing Binary System 2 Double IPA

This entire series of 2 Malt and 2 Hop releases from Sawdust City was truly outstanding, I was lucky enough to be able try all 4 thanks to a very good beer friend and I have no doubt that that friendship played no small part in making this even more memorable. They took a simple approach and brought together the ingredients with that ever watchful eye to experimentation and keeping the drinkers informed and enlightened. To seek out the combinations of malts and hops lets us understand better the workings of our own palates and by always letting us know what is inside, we are better educated going forward.

That sounds a little dry for this beer, it wasn't meant to just be an educational moment, it felt transcendent in the late May heat, the sunshine gave rise to rest and happiness as this dank and bitter beauty poured in The Grotto. A friendship interrupted, but kept together through the sharing of beer makes this one even better and that's saying something about how damn good it was.

What I said then : 

 Sunset in The Grotto.

Peace, perhaps.

Beer, indeed.

@sawdustcitybeer Binary System 2 Double IPA is the second offering in their exploration of  2 malt and 2 hop combos, this time a coming in at 7.8% and 45IBUs and using my favourite hop in simcoe and the sexy, sexy Sabro. A hazy gold pour with a fluffy, cloud like head and aromas of coconut, passionfruit and mango. On the sip, as solid as you will find, smooth and juicy tropical mangos passionfruit, coconut, berries and pineapple with some orange notes as well as a dank, piney finish that lingers in ways I wish I could describe better. Is this magic? Is it all just computer simulation? If it is, refill my glass, I'm gonna be here a while. This is epic and shall become part of the contender list for Beer of the Year in my books. 

Wow.

Damn wow.

Cheers! 5/5 #craftbeer #ontariocraftbeer

Link to Pints with Polk Video Review here.

7. Counterpart Brewing Crowned Double IPA

  The fact that we have almost come round again to when I first had this particular Double IPA speaks volumes about just how good it was. Counterpart Brewing is down in Niagara Falls and we had taken an early January road trip down the Niagara bound QEW to visit all the breweries along the way, with an eye to planning the 2020 Polkapolooza tour in March. Little did we know what was coming as we stopped into the brewery for a meal and some beer to take home. This relative newcomer has been putting out hit after hit from what I have heard and seen on social media and it behooves us to get some more of their brews into our fridge again. But for now, I'll savour that memory of a wonderful meal and the beer we brought home that was bold, tropical and now reminds me of what we had and the loss to come in the following year. 

What I said then : 

The best part of a new year is that I get to start the search for my favourite beer all over again. 2020 is a week old and damn if @counterpartbrewing hasn't rocketed to the top of the list with their Crowned, an 8.2% Double IPA. Pouring orange and hazy, it has a thick and lacing white head to go with big tropical aromas of orange, grapefruit and pineapple with so dank hitting you. On the sip, an utter delight, smothered, juicy and tropical with big pithy orange and grapefruit, pineapple, mango and a softly bitter, dank pine finish that lingers with more citrus punch. No hint of that ABV, this one is balanced to the nth degree...just a beautiful beer all the way through. This could be a very, very good year of beer if this is any indication of what's to come. Cheers! 5/5 #craftbeer #ontariocraftbeer

Link to Pints with Polk Video Review here.

6. Clifford Brewing Artificial Paradise IPA

 Simply put, this one is a beer that never lasts long in my fridge, because it comes home and is pouring that night every single time. When Brad Clifford opened his brewery in East Hamilton a couple of years ago ten minutes from Polk Manor, it instantly became my go to stop on the way home for a quick pint and a 6 pack of something for me and Kathryn. It was and is the only brewery we know will always have something for both of us with their world class Porter always available and my sheer love of anything Clifford brews. The taproom is a welcome refuge from the workday and many nights were spent Ubering there and back so we could both enjoy a few pints without worry. Covid changed a lot of that, but not our stops for favourite and new beers throughout 2020. Artificial Paradise IPA first appeared in November of 2018 and was well received in my glass and a whole lot of other folks too. It remained an occasional buy until this year when I found myself always grabbing 2 or 3 of them and filling out my 6 with something for Kat or something new. Then I'd head home, drop a review or two of whatever struck my fancy that day and finally drink my couple of cans of Artificial, just enjoying the slight buzz and happiness at a day closing into night. It is a wonderful beer anytime, but it never lasts long when I bring it home and for that I give it a huge thumbs up and a spot in 'The Ten'.

What I said then : 

Paradise found.

@cliffordbrewingcompany Artificial Paradise IPA is now available at your local LCBO and that is pretty awesome, but I'd say order it and a host of other great Clifford beers right from the source  for delivery if you can. This Citra, Simcoe and Galaxy beauty has been a favourite of mine since it first came out and I truly believe it is bang on ready for prime time right now. Big tropical orange and grapefruit pith with a sharp and bitter pine resin on the bitter finish, it also has some pineapple kicking in for good measure. Citrusy and tight, it belies that big ABV and becomes a slow sipping pool beer by default as I bring the 6 pack down to The Grotto Proper and float on for the rest of the day...Cheers! 4.5/5 #craftbeer #ontariocraftbeer

Link to Pints with Polk Video Review here.

5. Merit Brewing Black is Beautiful Imperial Stout

  Part of a Worldwide collaboration created by the Black owned, Texas based Weathered Souls Brewing Company, the concept of the Black is Beautiful initiative (read more here) was meant to raise awareness and much needed funds to help underfunded organizations that promote equality and justice against police brutality and the systemic racism inherent in our current system. Brewed by more than 1100 breweries in 22 countries, including 35 here in Ontario, the base recipe was a 10.0% Imperial Stout and brewers could use that as a template to do what they wished as long as 100% of the proceeds went to an organization doing the work listed above. While I didn't get to try all of them that I'd have liked too, the Merit Brewing one stood out as a great example not just because it was a great damn beer. Spinney stuck closely to the recipe from Weathered Souls and delivered a real gem of a beer that not only was tribute to the cause but raised money for The Hamilton Centre for Civic Inclusion (more on their work here). The work is not done and the fight for equality and justice must remain top of mind as the year ends and a new one begins. No justice, no peace.

What I said : 

Be good.

Do good.

Drink good.

But more importantly, don't just say you're not a racist, be aggressively anti racist. Black Lives Matter is not just a movement, it is a paradigm shift in addressing centuries of abuse, inequality and outright violence against people of colour. It is but a small thing we do when we spend money on great beer that supports a greater cause, but it is a start that should push us to do more.

Black is Beautiful Imperial Stout was created by the Black owned Texas brewery @weatheredsoulsbrewing and more than 1000 breweries across the world have taken up the initiative to raise money to help organizations and people fighting injustice and inequality. 

Our friends at @meritbrewing have jumped on board and their iteration of this 8.7% slow sipper is a fine example of the style and all money raised will be donated to the Hamilton Center for Civic Inclusion (@hamiltoncivic ). 

I know for a fact, I've seen my privilege as a white guy in beer right in front of me and while it is a small microcosm of the much larger problems in the world, making things better here can help make things better everywhere. It is about recognizing our ability to come together to lift others up, to raise everyone to the same level of opportunity and access to the things we may take for granted. It is about addressing concerns about how the police have treated Indigenous and Black communities and how we can change things for the future. Far too many lives have been lost because we seek peace without change, the future is in each of our hands to shape...be better and make a difference in any way you can.

Cheers!

4.5/5

 Link to the Pints with Polk Video Review here.

4. Great Lakes Brewery HazeMama New England IPA

  GLB has long been a big part of whatever I do in beer. Simply put, they care about quality, freshness and fair pricing as much as I've seen in my 5 plus years writing about the subject. Always pumping out one offs and returning seasonals at the brewery proper, they also have a wide portfolio of styles available at both grocery stores and LCBOs. Add in their recently expanded home delivery and you have an absolute juggernaut in this province. They also give back to their community, like many of their fellow Ontario Craft breweries, and continue to inspire us with updated artwork and new beers. HazeMama is a 7.0% New England style IPA that dropped into their core rotation in late spring and while it is a top notch example of the style and keeps on doing so all over the province, it comes in at a mind boggling price of only $3.50 for a 473ml tall boy. That is near impossible for anyone else to do and while their size does give them some advantage, to not hike that price on a beer that could easily retail at plus $4 without anyone batting an eye. Quality meets Consistency equals a lifetime fan of GLB.

What I said then ; 

I think I'm in love.

@greatlakesbeer's latest core addition and LCBO available pint is the 7.0%, 35 IBU HazeMama New England style IPA and at only $3.50 a tall can, that's a steal and a half. Hazy, opaque orange juice pour with a fluffy white head, which leaves behind some classic #GLBLacing and gives way to aromas of pineapple, tangerine and mango. On the sip, as promised...as delivered. Big juicy pineapple, orange and mango with lemon and a touch of sweet honey, bit of booziness on the dry tropical finish. One of the best in the biz drops another beauty in your local LCBO and that is a present all of us can appreciate. For my money, it is a no brainer to add to your regular rotation. Cheers! 4.5/5 #craftbeer #ontariocraftbeer

Link to Pints with Polk Video Review here.

3. Tooth and Nail Brewing Vim & Vigor Pilsner

  The last two years have really rekindled my love of the simple flavours great straight up lagers and ales can bring to the party. While I'm an unabashed lover of big and boozy beers, there is nothing like a crisp and clean pilsner with a little noble hop spice on the back. Effervescent with some bitterness, grass or hay like notes and happiness delivered in the hardest beer to brew with care. I appreciate the subtle nuances of these "beers that taste like beer" far more now than I ever did and there is no doubt that in 2020, Tooth and Nail hit it right on the head with their flagship pilsner, the 5.2% Vim & Vigor. It is everything a true pilsner needs to be, right on par with last year's beer of the year, Fairweather Donna. I could drink these full time and be a happy, happy man.

What I said then : 

Simple, yet complex.

Subtle, yet loudly beautiful.

@toothandnailbeer 5.2% Vim & Vigor Pilsner returns to my glass and hot damn if it isn't an absolute juggernaut of what the style should be. Grassy, cereal notes, light citrus, noble hop spice and a singular beauty on each and every sip mean you are in the presence of true genius. The most difficult thing to do is to deliver a consistently clean and crisp pilsner, nowhere to hide, no room for error and Tooth & Nail hit this one from every conceivable side. Just a moment of  heaven in a world gone mad...

Cheers! 5/5

Link to Pints with Polk Video Review here.

2. Muskoka Brewery Tread Lightly Light Lager

  There is no way I could have foreseen the love I would have for the most dangerous beers on the planet when it comes to style...the Light Lager. I kid a little bit, but let's be honest with each other, its not been that long since I was getting all knackered up on light macro beer without regards to flavour or texture or anything resembling taste. Light beer has been driven to be so bland and inoffensive that it's only remaining quality is to drink it cold and that is just facts.

Enter Muskoka Brewery and this year's surprise of surprises, the 4.0% Tread Lightly Light Lager. A serious contender for Beer of the Year, its easy crushability and subtle nuances bringing you a pint for every time of the year. Seriously full bodied, lacking nothing in flavour and texture, a treat of being a beer for everyone who just wants a damn beer. They've even gone and released their first 24 and at $45 for a 24, its easy to keep in the fridge for the times when you need it. We BBQ year round and having a beer i don't mind drinking out of the can during winter is not to be overlooked. This is seriously good beer made by a brewery committed to environmental causes, paying their employees a living wage and continuing to do good works in their community to uplift and support those in need. Good stuff, must buy.

What I said then : 

This is the best Light Lager in the land right now.

@muskokabrewery absolutley nailed Tread Lightly, at 4.0% a patio worthy crusher and definitely a sessionable Lager of some renown. Simply put, it has sacrificed none of the texture, flavour or component parts of what makes a great Lager in pursuit of giving us a pint of solid beer at that lower ABV. Crisp, grainy malts, light fruit, a little hop bite, bitter but not cloying, it is a damn fine beer that tastes like a beer and then a little more. I like seeing the options improving for lager lovers this summer and this one is an easy grab anytime. Cheers! 4.5/5

Link to Pints with Polk Video Review here. 

1. Nickel Brook Brewing Headstock IPA

  If you've spent anytime with me anywhere online this year, you knew this was coming, didn't you?

In a year of pandemics, isolation, essential working and missing family, friends and not getting to meet up for beers with anyone, it was destined that my ultimate Comfort Beer takes home the crown as The Most Memorable Beer of 2020. Headstock is a classic West Coast 7.0% IPA that is everything good about the beginning of the craft beer revolution continuing to deliver in a world of haze and sour craze. I posted about it 18 times on Instagram and if my picture was just a Nickel Brook glass or me drinking a beer, it was probably Headstock. When I was worried when the first lockdown hit that they might close down breweries or the LCBO/Beer store, this was the 24 I bought to tide me over. It is my 6 pack pickup when I'm heading home on my last day of work for the week and it is the constant companion when I need a reliable friend by my side. It is a classic beer, no doubt some would say I should be looking to one of the newer, more buzz worthy breweries for a hazy tropical IPA, and I do enjoy them immensely as well, this year, this year of uncertainty and anxiety, I found the one thing I could always count on to deliver the same great pint, pour after pour.

The ironic thing is that Nickel Brook releases so many new beers, I am constantly stopping in to pick them up and they topped my review list with 73 appearances, many of them hazy or sour beers. Their Funk Lab brings a lot of fun to my life and I look forward to 2021 and all the new stuff coming.

But there will always be room for a couple Headstocks whenever I stop by, this beer is, in 2020 and beyond, the one that brings joy to my life.

What I said then (out of 18 times, I just went with a pint from August when I had enjoyed 3 other West Coast IPAs and Headstock came out on top in the head to head competition) :

1 afternoon in The Grotto Pool.

1 Spiegelau.

1 Polk.

4 fantastic West Coast IPAs.

1 Champion.

Still holding the belt as the best of the best, @nickelbrookbrewing 7.0%, 80 IBU Headstock delivers everything the style demands using Simcoe, Amarillo and the secret weapon of Mosaic to balance the biscuity toasted malt body with grapefruit and orange pith, resinous pine and intense bitterness in a balanced and approachable IPA. Fresh or with a few months on it, it remains the very top of the hop here in Ontario. But let's be honest, drinking 4 great beers means I am the ultimate winner here...

Cheers! 5/5

Link to the Pints with Polk Video Review here.

  Thank you all for playing along this year, on whatever platform you see my stuff, I'm humbled by it all every time. At the end of the day, beer is supposed to be fun and uplifting and while we all enjoy it maybe a little more than most, let's be a positive place in the world as we head into 2021. I hope to see more people writing, recording and making videos about their beer in the new year, I'm here for it all, my support and help is but a message away, I got you, my friends.

Until we meet again...

Cheers,

Polk

The Beer I want to Share...

 

I have a lot of very good beer in my cellar, Lots of Barrel aged beauties and Farmhouse Ales, Belgian and other notable pints wait for a day to made special by their presence. I long ago gave up the notion that a beer need be saved for a special occasion, without children those come a lot less frequently than you could imagine; and outside of our annual tradition of drinking the cellar during our beer advent calendar at Christmas, we drink them when the fancy strikes us. So as I've opined before, letting a special beer make the day special has become our mantra and I'll tell you that it has been a great way to get ourselves through this year of turmoil and isolation. A Bourbon Barrel aged stout in the pool on a random Wednesday in August was purely sublime and that one on a not so good day in October helped to lift our spirits up when we needed it. Beer in and of itself cannot be the answer to sadness or happiness, but it can be used to ease the former and enhance the latter. 

But.

  I am saving a special bottle for an occasion I hope to see in 2021, on the hope that we can all get right with the vaccination and gather together in friendship and beer. 2 years ago, my pal Karol dropped into Hamilton on his yearly jaunt from Europe and we finally were able to meet in person and share a few beers at Collective Arts and Merit Brewing. As he was leaving to go home, he stopped by my work with some treats from his native Slovakia and one particular beauty from Belgium. A bottle of Belgium's Cantillon Gueuze 100% Lambic Bio, a rare treat for this Belgian beer loving guy. Profuse thanks were handed out and a speedy return to visit again was wished...then, well, 2020 happened and that was rendered impossible. But I know the future will bring more visits and I will do my level best to repay the kindness of my new European friends with some Ontario pints of renown. He is not the person for this beer though, I've got another one waiting for him.

  Now Polk, you may be wondering, where is this all going? Indeed, I understand it has been a circuitous journey and now we come to what to do with the singular experience this beer is sure to bring, for Kathryn is no fan of anything Lambic, so she has no interest in what's inside. The pandemic and isolation make sharing it out right now impossible, so it must wait and wait we will. But the person I wish to share it with has become a dear friend, even though most of our interactions are online and the occasional phone call, a friendship founded in beer and forged in a love of justice, truth and doing what is right. He has become a sounding board for my words, a voice in a lost fog of a year and a true-blue friend when I thought it not possible to find another as I approach 50 years on this planet. Our mutual love of so many of the same styles of beer, not just the big IPAs or Bourbon Barrel aged stouts, but the red ales and ESBs of the world also includes all things Belgian, from Wit to Quad and everywhere in-between. 

You know where this is going now, eh?

When we come out the other side of this pandemic, a little tired and beat up, missing so much of the life outside our own homes and ready to see a little more of the world again, I have a lot of folks I cannot wait to raise a pint or two with. Good friends and family whom I miss dearly and fondly wait to reunite with, but this bottle, this singular experience will be saved for some random day when he and I can finally break bread, raise a glass or 6 and enjoy this double friendship beer together with our families. We will let the beer make the day even more special because it will no doubt be a pretty amazing day on its own. A silly little wish in the midst of chaos and uncertainty, but one I hold onto with my heart.

Let the world heal, one pint at a time.

Cheers,

Polk

The Disappointments - 2020

 

 This year was unlike anything we could have imagined and yet, amidst the chaos and lockdowns, people fell in love, got married, had babies, broke up…hopefully not all the same people…but as Jeff Goldblum opines “Life finds a way.” As with all things, the beer we drank continued to flow and for a good chunk of the year you could even have a pint or two at your local, either on the patio or perhaps even luckier, the taproom itself. There was no shortage of outstanding beer this year and while that conversation is coming up in this years “The Ten”, today we will spend a little time with things that didn’t quite reach the level of even merely adequate, perhaps not bad beer, but disappointing beer.

   To be honest, I don’t spend a lot of time with beer that doesn’t work for me, I pour it out and move on, not wanting to waste the ABV or my time and effort to write about it because let's face it, most folks just scroll on by the picture with little care for the content. Did I have some stinkers? Oh hell yeah, but I gave them so little thought that it escapes me why I should be keeping track of them. So here we are in late December 2020 and I start my final posts with the disappointing beers of the year and one trip to a brewery that resulted in the most bizarre response I’ve ever had to a private conversation overheard…

   The beers that found the bottom of my Instagram or Youtube reviewed list are all macro, often done as a little poke of fun at the whole crushable pint crowd, tongue in cheek all the way but nonetheless egregious beer altogether.

With little flourish, here we go…

5^th - Bohemian Pils from Caledon Hills (2.25/5) - Bland, almost no noble hop presence with little apple sweetness happening. It was early in the year and let’s face it, the Donna Pils of the world have set the bar high, this was a miss for me.

^4th - Peppermint IPA from Moosehead Breweries (2/5) - It was as a west leaning body with some citrus pith that was just overpowered by the toothpaste like peppermint that enveloped every part of your palate after a few sips. It was like drinking a macro lager with a piece of bread after you had just brushed your teeth, hard no.

^3rd - Miller High Life Light (1.5/5) - I might be a drunk, but this was just an exercise in boring and little else. Not even very bubbly, lacking almost everything with an aftertaste of shame and frustration.

2^nd - Budweiser Bud Light Strawberry Lemonade (0.5/5) - Offensively artificially flavoured to the point of warranting an investigation into assault on your senses, this was sickly sweet and the “strawberry” flavour lingered for more than a half hour after I poured out this abomination.

And the “winner” is…

1^st - Molson Ultra (0.5/5) - I mean...why bother?

Drink tap water. Warm tap water. And you might get more out of it than shame and sadness.

I drink em so you don't have to...Molson Ultra is a 3.0% Light Lager and well, it is light on everything a beer should be. I've had light lagers, a lot of them in fact recently and this is not that. Not even that bubbly, leaves a dry, salt like chemical finish after hinting of hops and barley. Blah, but I had to know, didn't I.

Sometimes even I worry about me.

  I probably should keep more track of “craft” beer that disappoints me, and to that extent I’m making some adjustments to my entire system next year which you can read all about over on my earlier post entitled “Polk 2021 - The Truth”, link at the bottom of this post.

As for the worst experience of my year, it came very early on and the story behind it was the most unusual one I’ve ever had in my 5 years writing about beer. I’m going to leave the name of the brewery out because we have not been able to get back there and see if things got better, the quality of the things we had was less than stellar all the way through.

When we arrived, we grabbed a flight and proceeded to do what we always do, share them back and forth and discuss what we are tasting, Kathryn’s palate being far superior to mine, I appreciate her take on what we have in our glasses. It was a difficult flight of beers to get through, some were passable, but the majority were riddled with off flavours and plain poor delivery from start to finish. We quietly were discussing these things and after we left, the messages came in that someone had overheard us and immediately contacted the owners to let them know we weren’t happy. We had said nothing ourselves to anyone and yet were quickly sent missives on all social media platforms inquiring about our experience. As I always do, I responded with honesty and frankness, open to hearing them out because it isn’t out of the realm of possibility to return and see what they’ve grown into. The pandemic hit hard and to be honest, I forgot about them until I started getting ready for all this end of the year stuff, a forgotten moment of mediocre in a year of tremendous loss and stress.

So until we can go back and purchase some beers to bring back and see if things have indeed changed, I’ll keep them in my back pocket with the promise that if I find nothing has changed, I’ll bring forth a final rendition of the most deserving kind.

What beer was so off that it led me to feel the way I did? Well, here are two of the reviews in my folder, just the bottom two in a line of empty promises…

A 5.2% Japanese Rice Lager that was off flavoured and delivered almost nothing to the palate save diacetyl and malt. Extreme disappointment given my love of lagers. 0.75/5

A 7.0%, 15 IBU Brut IPA that is supposed to be a fruity, dry, highly carbonated and effervescent beer that was fermented with Pinot Grigio grape juice. What it is is a mess. Not highly carbonated, the wine notes feels Artificial and the fruit is muted beneath off flavours and a vegetal effect on the dry finish. I've had many Brut IPAs and ones done with grapes....a big miss here. 0.50/5

So with some luck, we will revisit this place if they survive till spring, the market will not tolerate bad beer as the lockdown makes where you spend your money even more important.

Better beer to come this week as my List of Favourite beer by style and of course My Ten Most Memorable Pints of 2020.

Cheers! 

Polk

Polk 2021 - The Truth

A year in Beer, Polk The Truth 2021

  

  When 2020 started, I had decided to check every beer I had all year long into UnTappd to see just how many beers I really consumed and stuck to it for the first 3 months. Through the loss of Jinx at the end of January to the very early lockdown portion of Covi-19 I was keeping it up but then felt the weight of the year closing in and kind of let the project drop, mainly because I was a little scared at the sheer number I had hit. From January 1st through March 25th, I entered 400 check ins, in only 85 days…a rate of almost 5 per day and even with the grief of losing best little pal factored in, I was firing a little hot for even my pace. I know I probably drink more than the average person, no sane individual drinks a beer and writes about it every single day for more than 5 years without some complications, but the sheer volume of the consumption was a shock. Oddly enough, I had more than half of those as distinct beers, so for a lot of the time, it was still about talking about what was in my glass rather than the pain and anxiety that was in my head. I do love my small moments of authorship each day, sometimes a strictly by the book review and others a free flowing narrative inspired by events and beers in my glass. But I have no delusions of why I drink that much beer, I like the way I feel after a couple and some days that turns hard into more than just a couple. Is it addiction? I would be fool hardy to deny it, I know what I am and while I remain a functional, 50 hour a week working stiff, a drunk at heart I will always be. 

  I jokingly said beer is my love language the other day, but it has a spark of truth to it as I use beer to express my hopes and dreams, thoughts and emotions every single day. It has become the medium of my message and while I think it wouldn’t hurt to cut back on the volume, a beer a day is something I still think brings some merit to what I do. I could try to be cute, but the truth is some days that beer is the very best thing I do for myself. 

  So, what is the whole point of this exercise in self analysis? Well, I really do want to track an entire year of beer, much like I did in May of 2018 when I did “The Truth in May” and posted every pint I drank that month on Instagram. By using Untappd, it will be much simpler, entering beers, quick score for my own records and a true tally of every single pint that crosses my path for an entire calendar year. I don’t know if by observing my behaviour I can change it or will I feel the need to keep things much as they are now, but I figure since I’m gonna be drinking them anyway, might as well see what is what. 

  It will also simplify the tracking of the best and new importantly worst beers I have all year as I rarely bother to post bad beers or drain pours, but wanting to waste the ABV or my time with things that don't work. 

If you’d like to follow along, head over to Untappd and be my drinkin’ buddy as we look to use Polk_TheTruth_2021 to really pull back the curtains on what has been a long ride down the Barley Highway.

Cheers,

Polk 

  Polk_TheTruth_2021

Noon at The Pandemic

Morning isn’t the best time to be a drunk. You’re hours from your first pint of the day and still feeling the effects of last evenings late night poor decisions. Work looms large and the clock stops for no hangover, you make yourself as presentable as possible and meander out into the world to do what you have to so later you can do what you want. Some days it’s just a couple of pints, but others, the deep and steady decline of your own precipitous grasp on reality is evident. You seek not just a release from the troubles of a world gone mad, but the liquid redemption from a life perhaps lived a little below expectations, yours and theirs. The steady buzz that builds is felt with each pour, each bottle or can opened, each shot poured. There is no rush, you know the path and it’s well worn grooves to where you want to go. The only difference is how deep into that forest are you headed tonight and will you come out the other side intact once again. Repeat. The true seeker of darkness doesn’t want for the world to end, no that would be far to simple and easy. They search at the bottom of every bottle for the answer to who they are and why are they here. A litany of playback rolls in their mind until the saturation point is reached and the clouded happiness begins. A sort of fog washes in and the world seems far away, safely at a distance, you can now relax and let go. Smile and wave at the mirror, your in for the long haul. So where is that line between drunk and enthusiast? Who says what is what and how many is too many? Is it a case of you know it when you see it or is more the matter of public consensus, 4 is fine but 5 is over the line. Where does addiction take over and what was once a few beers to relax becomes many beers to survive? How do you know when it is all just over… The thing about beer now is that it has stopped being about pounding a 24 of macro lager to just get hammered and more about the quality and flavour that you find while you get hammered. We’ve just replaced a dozen 5% lagers with four or five 7% IPAs and told ourselves we are appreciating the subtle nuances and notes when in reality, the ABV plays as much a role now as it ever has. Not everyone leans hard into their own heads when it comes to their relationship with beer, but as someone who has consumed and written about “craft beer” every day for more than 5 years straight, I see so many rolling along with me, maybe a little slower, but headed my way. I used to talk about the journey or how “craft beer” changed my approach to drinking and in a way it totally has, I don’t think I could handle 24 tall boys of my favourite IPA the way I used to crush a 24 of Pabst back in the day. The sheer volume of my intake into my early 40s was a spectacle and while that amount isn’t something I can fathom anymore, 6 to 8 big beers gets the same job done in a context of exploring style and appreciating the “craft”. I lived that particular narrative for a while and it is a noble idea indeed, but let’s not forget that a drunkard is a wino with a place to drink. Not everyone is a drunk of course, given the circumstances of the world right now though, who could blame us for a little indulgence when we return to the cocoon of our homes safely each day. Take the edge off is not always about getting knee deep into a bottle of whiskey or 10 pints, it is usually about finding that happy little buzz where the day becomes muted and the worries fade into tomorrow. It isn’t about ignoring your problems, but rather putting them aside for a little while because you just need a break. I see you out there, maybe you have a better handle on it than I do or maybe you think you do and your revelation will come to you as it did to me much later into your days. Does sharing pictures and writing a little blurb, tasting note or whatever sort of communication make consumption any more acceptable or is it all part of the same conversation, slightly slurred and bleary eyed while we wander down the road to oblivion? Pandemically speaking, we are just approaching noon of this thing, day drinking anyone?

Beer, life and more

It's 3 p.m on an October Tuesday afternoon. All around the world a pandemic rages and we are witness to the decline of the modern day Rome in real time every, single minute. I have no rage, I witness without emotion the sad decline of what was, for a brief and shining moment, the epitome of Capitalism and the cult of individualism. We are compelled to watch the unravelling of an empire, the end of a hegemony of white supremacy, the steady repudiation of what many consider the American dream. What could have been the envy of the world, a true chance to champion the singular rights of humankind to live and work toward a better day has been replaced by a slavish devotion to corporations, the bottom line and the exploitation of human capital in pursuit of billions by a select few. Do not kid yourselves, the money does not trickle down, it most assuredly runs up the creek, away and quickly at that from the working men and women of the western world. 

Rant over...?

Sure, it's been a day of fun, let's keep that going.
@grainandgritbeer Off Duty Citra Dry Hopped 6.0%, 50 IBU IPA has been a big hit here at The Manor with its lemon and orange pith, grapefruit and pineapple citrus middle, smooth but piney bitter back. A delightfully gun addition to the Grain & Grit lineup and an easy pickup whenever we stop by the brewery. Cheers! 4.25/5

 

Collective Arts Brewing Surround Sound V.7 and nostalgia

 

  I don't know man, maybe we just take a day tomorrow.

Funny, but I like to give myself hope that I just might take that personal day someday and never go back...

It's got nothing to do with what I do for a living, we all gotta get by and by all accounts I've got it pretty decent for a guy who dropped out of school in 1990 to do whatever I thought was so much better back then. Hint, it involves booze, drugs and rock and roll minus the rock and roll. But I got the house and all that jazz, made decent by some lucky breaks and a whole lotta 80 hour work weeks and here we are. 20 year old me would be pretty stoked to be hanging out down here with a full beer fridge and a liquor cabinet that bulges with excess, not to mention that weed is legal so we can pretty much live like I did all those years ago with impunity. But even while I wax nostalgic watching old flicks and finding videos on YouTube I used to have to hope to see on Friday Night Videos on NBC or Sunday on the CHUM Countdown, it all seems a little more than just a trip down memory lane. It's an escape, a refuge in a world gone mad and forced to quarantine to survive. 

Like having a couple of Pints in the middle of a 6 day, 70+ hour workweek...

Anyway, thanks for that, sometimes all it takes is the chance to write it out, let it go and wake up tomorrow feeling fine.

@collectivebrew Surround Sound Version 7 with Lotus and Mosaic came out mid July and I just had grab a few more cans when I stopped by today to see how it has held up over the summer. It still hits that vanilla, pineapple, berry and dank pine. Cheers! 4.5/5

Comfort Beer, Comfort Music

 

Comfort beer.
Comfort music.
The struggles of 2020 are not going anywhere, the life we live can often feel like it's spinning out of our grasp with every little thing adding up each time. This virus and the very unsettled political landscape south of the border are not just seen to be not only worrisome, but perhaps transformative. We seek more equality, more justice, more change because our "normal" has been exposed as a charade where the poor, the disenfranchised, people of colour, Indigenous people, LGBTQ2+ and so many more were left behind as the rich got richer and the world seemed tipped in favour of those who already had so much. We see it here in the tiny fraction of the world on line, but is it that our social media feeds reinforce our own views and we feel like change is happening when in reality we are screaming into the void and nothing is changing at all. I'd like to think we can seek dialogue but we see too many entrenching into a them versus us, right versus left and we try to prevent the cult of Me that has permeated our American cousins from changing this country for the worst. Once was a time that you did the right thing because it was just that. Even if it gave you no direct benefit, you did things because it helped society as a whole. "What's in it for me?" is a philosophy too many live by and without seeing how damaging that can be, they blindly support those who look, act and think like them. But the world isn't homogeneous, it isn't white suburbia and it isn't working for the vast majority of humanity. So as we round the corner on this, hopefully, once in a lifetime pandemic, let us not seek to return to "normal", because normal was not good enough, fair enough or right enough for everyone. Until we are all free, none of us is free.
Peace.

Duvel, Gord and Tonight

 

It's funny how music stays with you in the moments it helps capture. The Hip were for so long the soundtrack of my life, from year to year, happy to sad and back again, disaster to triumph and beyond, there was always a Hip song to bring that memory back. So catching Long Time Running tonight will no doubt lead to a YouTube Tragically Hip video marathon, including that amazing Woodstock performance, and I'll be deep into my Pints before this one ends tonight. Grief, loss, life and love in decades of music so Canadian I feel it in my damn bones. Lots of great Ontario beer in my fridge but I do love a little Belgian in my life and in a night spent contemplating what it all mean, this 8.5% @duvel_belgium Golden Strong Ale will lay a baseline for where we go tonight. I often wonder if I would be so into West Coast IPAs if I lived in Belgium or would I have gravitated to this style with its bright citrus notes, grapefruit and orange peel, banana, light fruitiness and strong finish of pepper hop spice. Well carbonated with a bit of a boozy end, its small size belies the punch it gives, much like the songs Gord Downie and the Hip gave me to live with as my years head hurtling towards 5 decades. Who knows where it all is heading, we come here the same way, do the best we can and hope to leave a little of ourselves  at the end to be remembered by. Make those thoughts that will carry you on good ones, be kind and remember to tell the people you love that you love them every chance you get.

Peace.

4.25/5

Me...Part 2

 

Yesterday...was yesterday.

I scraped every part of my life that I hated and fed it into my anxiety and depression for no other reason than the oddly satisfying feeling of hating myself. It happens from time to time and while I try to keep the darkness at bay, it still comes hard into my day from time to time and must be acknowledged and recognized for what it is. 

None of us here shows our entire self when we talk about beer. We look to showcase the best of what is in our glass  and our life because we dont want to seem weak or different from anyone else. While I'm sure most people do this social media thing for a lark and to feel like they are part of something special and different, I stay because it is a real and true chance to try and keep a little part of me alive. So you bear witness to me at my best, my worst and more often, my middle of the road, drink a beer because we love it, personality. Be good to each other, check in on your friends and try to make time to listen and be listened to....we only get one chance at this and I don't want to miss a moment.

Cheers!

Me...Part 1

  Yesterday I was low. I felt lost and alone.

It isn't a new feeling, I've dealt with depression and anxiety for most of my life quietly and alone because my generation of men was taught you shut up and dealt with your shit on your own, never asking for help.  So I wrote this and usually I would delete it and never let it leave my drafts...but today I want you to know it is okay to feel broken, to ask for help and to acknowledge and feel empty and lost without fear of losing everything in your life, including that life...I have a positive response to this coming up, but I want the truth to see the light.

This is what I said....

.

.

.

47. 

I'm fucking tired.

I've made a lot of bad choices, stupid decisions and just plain mistakes to get to tonight. I've lied to myself with equal aplomb as I did to anyone else. I've let the easy path of self inebriation and darkness shield me from my own poor decisions which have left me empty and often alone in a world I struggle to be a part of in any sense of the word.

 I don't belong, I never have...but here I am.

I'm not sure what it is all about, most days I'm not sure I should even be here to even ponder such a question. 

The time spent is not equal to the time left and that leaves me scared and anxious but somehow relieved that the long days journey into night will have a potentially merciful end...

I'm trying, but somedays I don't know why I bother.

Fin.

Shacklands Brewing Tripel

  Feeling my years some days. 

  Not quite 5 decades into this life, the road ahead is uncertain as the time spent is not likely equal to the time to come. While we are promised nothing as we go along, we can choose to drink good, do good and be good in all our actions. The moments are all we have, all we may remember at the end and all that remains when we have moved onto whatever awaits us beyond this mortal world. I promise I have no insight to give except to say it is always within us to be better and to learn from each day something to carry forward to the next I support Shacklands Brewing because they are real and true in their intentions. Yes they make some of the finest Belgian style ales on either side of the Atlantic, but it is their moral compass, their actions and words writ large in all they do, even brewing beer, thay makes them so damn memorable to me. Making a difference, small or big, in an individual's life, a community or a larger stage is all about being more than the sum of what you started with and I will sleep well having written these words and enjoying this beautiful Tripel because I was able to support people I care about and enjoy a moment of respite from the world while I do it. 

   Bold and spicy, coriander, bubblegum and banana, orange and dry with a full and warming finish, it continues the tradition of Shacklands excellence and also helps deliver a little smile in a day that needed one. 

   Look for kindness and your chance to add to the good in the world, we leave nothing but our memories when we go. Make sure yours are kept for longer than you could ever imagine. Cheers! 4.5/5

Reflections on time and loss

 

Loss and grief come untethered to a timeline of our choosing. We lose people we love and care for without warning and even when we know the final bell will toll, we remain wholly unprepared for the absence of their presence in our world. Whether it be someone you see or talk to on a daily basis or a somewhat less tangible connection, the fact that person exists on this planet always means there is a chance to connect with them again at some unknown point in the future. That tomorrow of tomorrows we always promise and when that no longer exists, you feel a tug on your own mortality and see the fragile peace you have made with existence for however many years you have been here.
  We walk through so many days in a sort of lackadaisical shrug toward the routines that bind us. Work, home, school, family, friends and a myriad of variations on those themes propel us forward as the clock ticks, winding down days left even as we seek to speed up the boring, mundane ones to get to the special days off and other celebrations we use to spice up a life often left searching for more meaning. But in seeking a sped up life, we leave behind days that contained small moments of joy and love that we should seek to hold onto because all too soon, they are gone and we wonder where the time went.
  Truth be told, we are all guilty of wanting to get through a day, a week or some longer time frame all through our lives. To get past a particularly troubling time like right now during this pandemic times, we seek the end and a release from what we deem a "new normal" that is anything but. We want to get through the work week to the weekend, through the winter to the spring, from the pain to some relief. But how many days do we leave behind that we would love to have one more just like it when the final bill comes due? How many silly and seemingly innocuous times spent quietly enjoying a day that we then felt we had wasted because we weren't productive would we like to have back at the end of our days?  Every day isn't special, but every single day we get is one less we have left to be here and since we have no knowledge of when that tally runs out, maybe it is time to slow down, even a little, and make it last.
  Embrace your everyday and leave a legacy of love for those who will mourn you. Give them a smile through the tears and a spark of laughter when they speak of you with wistful remembrance. The only thing that lasts is how you treat people, how you made them feel and that is the thing we hold most dear when we miss the ones we love who have left us all too soon for our liking.


Polk

Canada Day 2020 - It's Complicated

My relationship with beer is just as complicated as my one with Canadian history and for that matter, present day. It's not easy to change your world view, to learn and grow and understand that while I am incredibly lucky to be born here, a white male and from a fairly compact and supportive family, being proud of this country needs a little work. If I do anything to distinguish myself or bring joy to people,if I can use my voice for good, then maybe I can feel better or prouder of being Canadian.
  Our relationships with the Indigenous population has particularly become something I want to spend more time with, it vexes me that to this day, so many know nothing of the Residential school system, the genocide that occurred around the founding of this country and the sheer lack of attention to the continuing problems of their communities, including more than 60 that do not have access to clean water. Imagine that in 2020, during a global.pandemic and you have to boil your water before you can use it to wash your hands. Imagine the government taking your children away and sending them to the predatory catholic run schools far from home to try and assimilate them, wiping out your culture in the process. There are countless reports of the continuing mistreatment of  Indigenous people by the RCMP, local and provincial police forces, not to mention the shady dealings of those in power who  have yet to finish promises made long ago and today. So I rant, so I learn and so I shall continue to try and help educate and enlighten, myself and anyone who cares to do more than double click another beer pic.
  The beer in question, @bellwoodsbeer 5.4% Can Conditioned Saison Maison is another delightful pint of beauty from the minds of those residing at Bellwoods. It has all the hallmarks of the style, lots of orange with lemon, bubblegum and clove, banana and a dry peppery back with more lingering spice and citrus.
  Beer gave me a chance to talk to the world, my love of this country and the hope we can right the wrongs committed in its name drives me.
Be good.
Do good.
Drink good.
Cheers! 4.25/5

Life in the clouds...

I talked about this beer a couple of days ago, @collectivebrew has released a series of 4 new labels on their core DDH DIPA Life in the Clouds in support of Pride Month that featured work from 4 members of the Queer community. A portion of proceeds from the sale of these cans will be donated to @rainbowrailroad and that is also part of their newly set up charitable arm, @collectivemore.
While I loved all of the artwork, this part of @hellomynameiswednesday's design has stuck with me in the days since I first talked about this initiative. I grew up in a hetero normative family, blue collar, old school. I saw my parents love for each other as an extension of the world around me and felt the most normal thing in the world was to be just like them. Meet a girl, fall in love, get married and beyond. It never dawned on me that LGBTQ2+ people did not have this experience, in fact felt the polar opposite and encountered anger, fear and resistance to who they loved and who they were. It takes me back to think that it might be so many years of a person's life before they see someone who is just like them, who can confirm what they feel and experience and who can show them they are not alone. I cannot imagine the feeling because I do not have the experience, but it doesn't mean I won't try to learn and support anyone who needs it. There were times in my own life when I didn't know who I was, but I never felt the fear of coming out and facing rejection from those I love. My parents taught me that love is love is love and who you are a person mattered more than the colouring your skin or who you loved.
Are you good?
Are you kind?
Do you make those around you feel better?
These things mattered far more than anything else, we were taught to always see the world as bigger than ourselves but it took me more years and scars of my own to find that truth for myself.
This can is going on the wall of fame, it will continue to make me reflect and consider my words and world beyond myself....
Be good.
Do good.
Drink good.

Here I Am - Inspired by Merit Brewing

  I often ponder being Canadian. I used to say I was proud to be Canadian, our healthcare, while not perfect, was not dependent on having insurance or money. That we were better than our cousins to the south when it came to a whole host of  social issues and just that general smugness that comes from being part of the Great White North. Lots of learning as I get older and I know that I'd be more accurate to say I'm lucky to be Canadian. Lucky to have been born here to good parents, lucky to be a white male, that forgives a whole host of shit that would have had different outcomes if I wasn't just that and lucky that I have the opportunity to change how I see the world, how to make it better and use this platform to lift up other folks. It's a good time to change your perspective, the shades of Canada as a perfect place need to be raised and the institutional racism against people of colour and especially our shameful past and present treatment of the indigenous population needs to be laid bare, addressed and fixed in order for us to have some of that pride restored. This country is home to and was built by the hands and sweat of immigrants, on the backs of the people who were here first and with the labour of those forced by colour or race to do so.
  Just a little bit of my mind as I hold this new Merit Brewing release, Here I Am, in my hand and marvel at just how fucking lucky I really am. I get to drink some of the finest beers in the country and they come minutes from my home. I'm privileged to be able to afford them and this place and I know that and feel it every day. Merit does good stuff around Hamilton, Tej and Spinney bring heart and soul to everything they do and I am proud to call them my friends. The beer? A 6.3%  Hazy IPA with orange and grapefruit pith and dank pine on the back, it's damn good.
  Sometimes the beer inspires me, I hope I can keep that going. Cheers! 4.5/5

Not a beer review but still a beer review

My usual day consists of working 10 hours, coming home and drinking a few beers with a post on Instagram. For almost 5 years I've gone that. Today I will not put a beer review on that site, my most followed and perhaps influential social media portal.
Why? Well, it has everything to do with love and taking a stand on what can no longer be allowed. The systematic racism that pervades black lives all over the world is now being witnessed large and live on TV as the United States reels from the murder of George Floyd and the protests and marches that now enter their 8th day with little sign of stopping. Today on Instagram was about taking a pause, engaging with the community of black creators and amplifying their voices.
So that's what I did and while I'll drop my review here because I need it for my admittedly privileged reasons, it is but a little mental exercise for this old guy.
Inswrt weird beer review for my mental health...Forked River Interstalar IPA rolls into the Grotto at 6.5%, 55 IBUs and with a sunshine laden afternoon ahead, delight inside. A biscuity toasted malt body with light touches of caramel give way to pithy grapefruit and orange with a hint of dank and a resinous pine back. Bitter and harkening back to the classic west coast IPAs I love so much, I'm sold on this one. Cheers! 4/5

There you have it, I keep my decidedly silly daily bee review streak going, even though it means nothing at all in the grand scheme of the world today.
Stay safe, be kind and take stock of what you believe, time is now to stand up and be heard.

Drunk at the Pandemic

Sobriety optional.
  Well, not really, but it sure feels like it some days as we go 4 or 5 deep in search of relief from the grind of being essential, not essential or somewhere in between. The jokes about rising alcoholism have a dark undercurrent of truth and I'll be the first one to admit my tweets and other social media postings are part meant to poke fun at myself and part a glimpse into a world gone mad with social distance. While not a super social person to begin with, the sense that I can do nothing except go to work and come home leaves me feeling stressed on top of the other stresses of dealing with the general public and working in a restaurant kitchen where you are often elbow to elbow with your co-workers. You begin to feel like a machine, a cog that turns round awaiting the next crank of the wheel taking you back into the world, suspicious of anyone who walks through the door, at times grateful to be working and other times terrified of having to do so. We have no training or previous time to refer back on to help give us a sense of what to do or what will come next and the longer this goes on, the more cracks begin to appear in our supposed united front. And these cracks are not just between people who think we've been too harsh and others who know this must continue for much longer than we realise. The divisions come from within and that is where I struggle the most.
  At the very best of times, I turn to a pint or two after work for a little liquid relaxation, most often sticking to that the majority of my time. Sure I have a beer every day, but it is usually just the one...until it isn't. Sliding into near alcoholism has long been a personal demon I felt like I kept at bay because I always felt that I did my job, provided for my family and didn't devolve every day into a mess of booze. Truth be told, without kids, I guess my responsibilities kind of end when my shift does because I literally do what I want after that. I long ago left guilt or feelings that I must do this or that family or societal function behind, secure that my personal space was all I needed or wanted. The pressure to do things was less and less as time went on and we established a fairly routine life that was a perfect fit for who we are. A little heavy on the beer from time to time, but for the most part in control.
  Then Jinx died, the pandemic hit and the whole flimsy façade came crashing down in a very real way. Turning to that buzz, the numbing of the world and the forgetting everything became easier with every passing day. Coming home to a pint or two before dinner, 5 or 6 more after and repeating for days on end became the new norm, easy to feel nothing than deal with what felt like everything. The incredible ease with which beer could be delivered to my house certainly has changed the game, picking up a 24 of  an IPA just to drink was something I hadn't done in years and that kind of abundance allows me to indulge my whims whenever I desire. Good or bad, beer delivers me from the day behind and prevents the worry of the day ahead to cloud right damn now. It isn't something I am comfortable with to be sure, but it is real and I am most likely not alone in an increased consumption. I see it, I feel it in every post my online friends make, the need for connection feeding the need for more and more release. We are a social bunch, this pandemic has driven us to seclude in our homes and that is felt most in our mental health while we struggle to wrap our heads around the months ahead.
  This feels disjointed, I usually write from a spark and go from there, revisions minimal and editing almost never. I have no energy for creating anything most for the time, finding my mind has little patience for a vision further than my next pint. While I can pop off a video and a few beer reviews a day, I feel the pandemic slips in more and more and have no problem addressing how I am feeling while still talking about what I'm drinking. It is a weird place to be now, trying to be responsible while also not completely falling apart every single day. I will be the first person to tell you and truthfully admit without hesitation that I desire that feeling 2 or 3 beers gives me every day. I wonder if tomorrow I might wake up with a fever, cough or worse not wake up at all, the stress cannot be good for anyone, let alone a dude pushing way over his ideal weight heading into the back half (third?) of life. Every ache and pain of the day behind me ricochets into a near panic and those pints help calm that beast, every time.
  When I wake up every morning, I look myself in the mirror and say today we will just have one pint when we get home. I even believe myself and head out into the world with hope that it will be a good shift ahead of me. I go forward with an eye to safety and making sure we do all the right things, but with so much unknown, so many things changing daily, it can feel overwhelming and by the time I step back in the door at home, 1 turns to 3 and off we go. Rarely falling down drunk, but seeking a balance to the uneasy feeling that climbs all day long, I wish I could say it will end anytime soon. I am trying to express how I feel and not just drink those feelings away, being mindful that it impacts the people around me, even if they aren't physically here. I try to be more aware, but I am so easily led astray by my own weakness for comfort, seeking any kind of break from the world around me.
  I don't really know what's next, I don't know that this exercise does much good for anyone or even myself. What I do know is that we are not alone in experiencing these feelings of living through history, aware that this will not be over soon and that collectively we will change in some way after we come though the other side of  pandemic unlike anything we've ever seen. I might be a drunk, but at least I'm at home.
Stay safe, try to keep it together as best you can and maybe we can go for a walk before we crack that first beer of the day...it will do us all some good.


Polk