The Disappointments - The 5 Worst Beers of 2023

It is with a sense of responsibility that I return to write this list. These beers represent a failure of execution, desire and hope. A lack of sensibility and honesty, offensive to anyone who understands what it means to enjoy life...

Okay, maybe that's a bit harsh, but when it comes to bad beer, it just gets me riled up. Folks spend their hard earned money to purchase a product that promises one thing and the absolute drop off of quality and taste is stunning to witness, even more so in a world where dollars are being squeezed from all sides. People talk about breweries closing down and after some of these pints in 2023, I think a few more could follow the ones already mashed out and gone away.

  But what makes a bad beer? Of course, taste is subjective and all that jazz, I know folks who hate IPAs and would say any one of them is terrible. I don't mean personal preference, it's all about being true to style. Being what you say you are and not misleading consumers. There are poorly executed beers that just don't hit the mark and then we will see terrible beers that should have been drained from the tank and never sold to the public in the first place. I understand that businesses need to make money to stay open, but if you are going to sell sub standard and obviously off-flavoured and poor quality beer, then maybe you should rethink that business model, because eventually it will come back to you. Beer Karma can be a real thing...I hope.

 Onward we go now, the 5 Worst Beers that crossed my path in 2023.

5. Black Rapids Brewing Navigator Brut IPA

 

Why anyone in 2023 was brewing Brut IPA, let alone contract brewing one for LCBO release, is beyond me. The style never really took off and with very few exceptions, missed the desired profile qualifications every time. Maybe someone thought they were onto the next big thing or perhaps that they knew more than the beer drinking public, but this was not that.

What I said then (January 26th, 2023) :

  There was a reason Brut IPAs never really took off, and while I did find a couple of that style that were interesting enough to make me intrigued...it isn't the place to put your flagship pint....people just don't want 'em.

  Black Rapids Beer 4.9% Navigator IPA popped up in my local LC, and while it has notes of white grape, light citrus, berry, and that dry finish so desired by the style guide, it's not very effervescent, those flavours seem muted, and I'm left wondering what was happening here. It's a miss. Something about Brut IPAs makes them really tough to do well, and I'd rather they get a pass unless someone really gets deep into what makes them tick...Cheers! 2.5/5

Pints with Polk YouTube review : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHmWnfxnjCo&t=10s

4. Mudtown Station Lilly Dipper Lagered Ale

  

  There are few styles more abused than the Lagered Ale or Kolsch style. I shudder when I see a brewery lead with this because for the most part, they tend to lean into a thinly disguised, poorly executed blonde ale or lazy lagering that doesn't give the beer time to mature before hitting the canning line or taproom. It is one of my most adamantly held beliefs that most lagered ales are trash, but can be serviceable, with the odd one shining like a bright beacon on the hill, showing what it possible when time and commitment to quality are first and foremost in a brewers mind.

  This Owen Sound brew pub, more likely a restaurant with some brewing equipment trying cash in on the whole drink local thing, has delivered quite a few disappointing offerings that my wife so lovingly brought home for me when she visits her family in the area and while I do appreciate the gifts, I think she should just stop in Guelph on her way home and grab some quality pints from the amazing breweries there. 

What I said then (July 15th, 2023) :

  Muggy out here...#BeerMe

Mudtown Station 5% Lilly Dipper Lagered Ale brings not a lot to the table with a fast disappearing head to a sweetness that was off-putting. Neither smooth nor bubbly. It kind of just exists as a beer that maybe needs a little more time in the tank...cloying with no real bitterness or crispness, it feels more like a carling than anything else...meh...Onward we go.

Cheers! 1.5/5

Pints with Polk YouTube Review : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thPQWhXPvyU

3. Magnotta True North Light IPA

 

 There are not a lot of breweries that I avoid, I'm always about giving people a second chances in life and in beer. 

But.

Magnotta is a winery that bought my beloved Grand River Brewing a few years back and turned what was some really good, to style pints into another poorly made SKU at the LCBO. They have delivered many Top 5 Worst beer moment over the last few years and this soapy, weak session IPA was just another example of how out of their depth they really are when it comes to malted barley and hops. It somehow got worse the longer I drank it, in my video I actually didn't find it terrible at first, but by the time I got to writing about it a few minutes later, it had dissipated into another disaster of a pint from a wine maker who should maybe stick to the grapes.

What I said then (May 7th, 2023) :

Meh...I had low expectations and this met them...

Magnotta Winery also brews beer for some reason and the results over the years have been less than stellar...like this one...True North 4% Light IPA was brewed with Mosaic & Strata Hops and while the promised tropical bouquet never really materializes, it's inoffensive and muted. Light citrus pith, some lemon and grapefruit, rumoured bitterness and a trip to the sink...Cheers? 1.5/5

Pints with Polk YouTube Review : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_QXdLMK8eA

2. Beau's All Natural Brewing (Steamwhistle) Lug Light 

 

 This one broke my heart. I don't have much to add, I said it all on that April afternoon...

What I said then (April 27th, 2023) : 

I miss Beau's.

And by that, I mean I remember when it seemed every week brought something new to the LCBO from them, interesting ingredients, those seasonal Mix packs, and of course Gruits! Beau's All Natural Brewing formed part of the core of what changed how I saw beer and when I finally got to visit VanKleek Hills in 2016 and take a tour of the Brewery, it felt like a pilgrimage to one of the high holy places of beer. Beau's introduced me to styles of beer I didn't know existed and took crazy chances on things nobody else was doing at the time. I have a weird sort of barley-nostalgia that dates back to the mid 2010's that pulls strong on my crafty beer man soul and while I know all good things change and come to an end eventually, I'm still struggling with what has become of this once gloriously adventurous Brewery. I understand economics and the changing landscape of the craft beer world and honestly was glad to see that Steamwhistle bought Beau's last year rather than have them close or go to a macro Brewer, but this 4% Lug Lite they sent my way is just not the Beau's we know. It's a beer but displays little depth, feeling rushed and just less than. I get light lagers, I have had some real good ones, and this just doesn't get up there. It breaks my damn heart, honestly, I don't wanna be a downer, but I really do miss Beau's...

Taste is subjective, I know, but honesty isn't, and that's all I got.

Pints with Polk YouTube Review : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r-pdWc4a2w

1. Burlington Brewery Grind Stone Indian Pale Ale

  

 Is this the worst beer I've ever reviewed?

  Yes.

  But is it the worst beer I've ever had?

  Also yes.

  Despite a decent first pint from the newest brewery in Burlington, Ontario, the second offering I picked up was beyond the pale in terms of flaws. It should have never been allowed to leave the bright tank, let alone be canned and sold to the public. It was so offensive in every aspect that the memory of its astringent, vomit like taste still lingers in the back of my mind like a bad memory. People paid good money for this beer and to be honest, I don't think the brewery cares...hell, they blocked me on social media after I called them out and this one response to a Google review about their beer speaks volumes about delusions of grandeur and self importance...

30,000 cans a week? I call bullshit. That location moving that kind of volume would be overrun from open to close. If that was true, they'd be rolling in so much cash, they wouldn't know where to spend it. Imagine, that many cans times even $3...$90,000 a week...$4.68 million dollars in sales, of beer alone, in a year? They'd have to be moving more than 50+ cans a hour for any of this to be true. Where are they storing all this beer? They don't have an LCBO listing...For fuck sakes.

Anyway...on with the shitshow...

What I said then (October 27th, 2023) :

I was always told if I had nothing nice to say, I shouldn't say anything...

Fuck that.

This is not a good beer...astringent, buttery, perfume like, utterly devoid of hop character. Lingers like vomit...I had to go buy whiskey to burn the taste out of my mouth. I'm usually a pretty positive guy, but nobody should drink this beer, nor should it be sold. Not a double IPA, not a discernible style at all. This is not a good second pint from Burlington Brewery, I actually enjoyed their regular IPA, but I am supremely disappointed with whatever this is. Nope. 0/5

Pints with Polk YouTube Review : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jm98gdBsW7Y

  There you have it, my friends, the return of The Disappointments. I am hard at work on the other end of the spectrum to this, The Ten, and hope to have it to you to cleanse your palate of all this nonsense early next week. 

Until then, remember that life is too short to drink bad beer. There is nothing wrong with a drain pour and you don't have to only say nice things because sometimes there is nothing nice to say at all. Honesty is the only policy that matters. 

Its's Show Business, not Show Friends.

Polk 

January 8th, 2024

The Disappointments - 2020

 

 This year was unlike anything we could have imagined and yet, amidst the chaos and lockdowns, people fell in love, got married, had babies, broke up…hopefully not all the same people…but as Jeff Goldblum opines “Life finds a way.” As with all things, the beer we drank continued to flow and for a good chunk of the year you could even have a pint or two at your local, either on the patio or perhaps even luckier, the taproom itself. There was no shortage of outstanding beer this year and while that conversation is coming up in this years “The Ten”, today we will spend a little time with things that didn’t quite reach the level of even merely adequate, perhaps not bad beer, but disappointing beer.

   To be honest, I don’t spend a lot of time with beer that doesn’t work for me, I pour it out and move on, not wanting to waste the ABV or my time and effort to write about it because let's face it, most folks just scroll on by the picture with little care for the content. Did I have some stinkers? Oh hell yeah, but I gave them so little thought that it escapes me why I should be keeping track of them. So here we are in late December 2020 and I start my final posts with the disappointing beers of the year and one trip to a brewery that resulted in the most bizarre response I’ve ever had to a private conversation overheard…

   The beers that found the bottom of my Instagram or Youtube reviewed list are all macro, often done as a little poke of fun at the whole crushable pint crowd, tongue in cheek all the way but nonetheless egregious beer altogether.

With little flourish, here we go…

5^th - Bohemian Pils from Caledon Hills (2.25/5) - Bland, almost no noble hop presence with little apple sweetness happening. It was early in the year and let’s face it, the Donna Pils of the world have set the bar high, this was a miss for me.

^4th - Peppermint IPA from Moosehead Breweries (2/5) - It was as a west leaning body with some citrus pith that was just overpowered by the toothpaste like peppermint that enveloped every part of your palate after a few sips. It was like drinking a macro lager with a piece of bread after you had just brushed your teeth, hard no.

^3rd - Miller High Life Light (1.5/5) - I might be a drunk, but this was just an exercise in boring and little else. Not even very bubbly, lacking almost everything with an aftertaste of shame and frustration.

2^nd - Budweiser Bud Light Strawberry Lemonade (0.5/5) - Offensively artificially flavoured to the point of warranting an investigation into assault on your senses, this was sickly sweet and the “strawberry” flavour lingered for more than a half hour after I poured out this abomination.

And the “winner” is…

1^st - Molson Ultra (0.5/5) - I mean...why bother?

Drink tap water. Warm tap water. And you might get more out of it than shame and sadness.

I drink em so you don't have to...Molson Ultra is a 3.0% Light Lager and well, it is light on everything a beer should be. I've had light lagers, a lot of them in fact recently and this is not that. Not even that bubbly, leaves a dry, salt like chemical finish after hinting of hops and barley. Blah, but I had to know, didn't I.

Sometimes even I worry about me.

  I probably should keep more track of “craft” beer that disappoints me, and to that extent I’m making some adjustments to my entire system next year which you can read all about over on my earlier post entitled “Polk 2021 - The Truth”, link at the bottom of this post.

As for the worst experience of my year, it came very early on and the story behind it was the most unusual one I’ve ever had in my 5 years writing about beer. I’m going to leave the name of the brewery out because we have not been able to get back there and see if things got better, the quality of the things we had was less than stellar all the way through.

When we arrived, we grabbed a flight and proceeded to do what we always do, share them back and forth and discuss what we are tasting, Kathryn’s palate being far superior to mine, I appreciate her take on what we have in our glasses. It was a difficult flight of beers to get through, some were passable, but the majority were riddled with off flavours and plain poor delivery from start to finish. We quietly were discussing these things and after we left, the messages came in that someone had overheard us and immediately contacted the owners to let them know we weren’t happy. We had said nothing ourselves to anyone and yet were quickly sent missives on all social media platforms inquiring about our experience. As I always do, I responded with honesty and frankness, open to hearing them out because it isn’t out of the realm of possibility to return and see what they’ve grown into. The pandemic hit hard and to be honest, I forgot about them until I started getting ready for all this end of the year stuff, a forgotten moment of mediocre in a year of tremendous loss and stress.

So until we can go back and purchase some beers to bring back and see if things have indeed changed, I’ll keep them in my back pocket with the promise that if I find nothing has changed, I’ll bring forth a final rendition of the most deserving kind.

What beer was so off that it led me to feel the way I did? Well, here are two of the reviews in my folder, just the bottom two in a line of empty promises…

A 5.2% Japanese Rice Lager that was off flavoured and delivered almost nothing to the palate save diacetyl and malt. Extreme disappointment given my love of lagers. 0.75/5

A 7.0%, 15 IBU Brut IPA that is supposed to be a fruity, dry, highly carbonated and effervescent beer that was fermented with Pinot Grigio grape juice. What it is is a mess. Not highly carbonated, the wine notes feels Artificial and the fruit is muted beneath off flavours and a vegetal effect on the dry finish. I've had many Brut IPAs and ones done with grapes....a big miss here. 0.50/5

So with some luck, we will revisit this place if they survive till spring, the market will not tolerate bad beer as the lockdown makes where you spend your money even more important.

Better beer to come this week as my List of Favourite beer by style and of course My Ten Most Memorable Pints of 2020.

Cheers! 

Polk

Polk 2021 - The Truth