 |
| Thinkin' about drinkin' |
 |
| The olden days of Brava Light Polk |
It is not merely that I have drank and reviewed at least one beer every day for 1000 days, it is the very fundamental difference this community, it's purveyors and consumers alike, have had on me. I have changed, found solace once again in the expressing of myself through various mediums, all of them art to me on one level or another. I was a smart kid but I didn't understand how to express myself once I left school. Adults, especially men, just get on with the business of living and providing, leaving behind the notion of sharing your emotions or thoughts with the world. Craft beer changed all that.
 |
| One of my first (and still) craft beer loves |
I found an outlet for talking about my past, addressing demons long held at bay by alcohol and poor decisions. I recognized the empty promises I made to myself and others about life and made attempts to change that as I went forward. To create, design or write about beer, sports, history or any of a myriad of subjects that interested me was almost as intoxicating as the beer I was drinking and no doubt the positive feedback and encouragement I found online was a factor in my continued pursuit.
It hasn't been all sunshine and saisons though. I know drinking a beer everyday isn't a big deal, but the ones where that becomes four or five can come a little too frequent for my liking and I can acknowledge the fact that I am at the very least, a functional sort of alcoholic. Do I need a beer every day? I'd say the yearning to get hammered daily has dissipated somewhat in the last 1000 days and more and more it is but one beer pouring into my world each evening. But still there persists a thirst for the darkness I once had guiding me through life and I will have to stand on guard as long as I continue to use beer as a form of self expression.
I don't miss any work, excuse myself from events because I can't drink there or use beer to mask anger or fear at the day. I know exactly what I was before this all started and have no desire to return to the days of blackouts, emptiness and the sad existence of a drunk. But still I want to enjoy at least a pint at the end of my day and that is probably not something normal folks do for as long as I have.
My weight, such as it is, has fluctuated from a low of 270 pounds to the not so impressive 330 I'm packing now. Although I've cut far back from the days of pounding 12 tall boys of Old Milwaukee 5 or 6 days a week, I'm still taking on a lot of empty calories for a man in his mid 40's. No doubt my current job played a little in the weight gain, I've put on 30 pounds in the last year as my dinner hour pushed back the clock until almost 8 p.m. every night, combined with a pint or two a few hours before bed and little exercise. So that will be something I either address within my own sphere or I will have it forced upon me when the inevitable physical breakdowns happen. I've been scared of what my inability to lose weight will do to me as I get older and although I know I need to move more, our old pal anxiety can keep me on the couch longer than any beer could.
I will say that being able to transform an Instagram account about beer with a funny name attached to it into a forum for mental health and expression has been my biggest surprise about the last 1000 days. I have learned that I am not alone and have built up a fine network of friends in real life and online that helps to prop me up when I cannot stand and leads me to light when I cannot see. This alone has been worth every pint poured or picture taken. The people who have reached out with their own stories and advice have been tremendous and I am grateful for that most of all.
 |
| It feels like art to me |
There have been bumps along the way, some people don't like how I rate beer, or talk about my life and the reality of what I am living. Some just don't like me and despite my incredibly insecure need to please everyone, I have learned to let them go. Life is too short to try and be everything to everyone. I will continue to share my beer and my stories with the world, poetry and videos will always make me feel better and I have no doubt in my ability to continue to seek answers for life's questions as I go along.
I guess the entire 1000 days was a set up, a trip with peaks and valleys, a journey through life with beer as a catalyst to spark my creative side. I write and talk from a place of emotion, heart on my sleeve and a definite lean towards the positive of every situation. I feel the darkness just below the surface but it has weakened over time as I find more ways to express myself and release the emotions I kept bottled up for so long. I'm not sure this is something for everyone, but for me, this has been exactly what I needed to learn to live again.
 |
| 1000 Days to find this beauty |
Will I not have a beer someday soon? The honest answer is I don't know but to really look hard at myself, I don't see why I should stop enjoying at least one pint a day. Maybe a few less days with more than one is in order, on this I can agree. But for now, I'll keep writing and drinking, sharing my thoughts with the world, one beer at a time.
Here's to another 1000 days!
Cheers!
Polk
