Did you Play your Numbers?

Somebody's got to win. Might as well be me.

I don't know about you, but I am a guy who casually plays the lottery. I have no system, just Quick Picks. I am not completely lost if I forget to play my ticket or don't win. I just like to drop a couple of bucks a shot on a piece of paper that represents a dream of freedom.

Our neighbours to the south are in the middle of a billion dollar frenzy with their Powerball lottery hitting the 1.5 billion dollar mark and climbing. That is a lot of coin, even after the tax man takes his cut you're still getting north of 900 million dollars. That is some serious F-you money.

I know the odds against winning are so ridiculous it makes playing a waste of cash and I hate to use my hard earned dollars on anything but stuff that makes my life better. But for us, the jackpots aren't a real goal or an achievable dream. Instead they represent what our true ambitions are made of. It is the notion that we could have more than enough money to do what we want, when we want  and without having to slug it out 40 plus hours a week to get it. Who doesn't want something for nothing? Luckily, we both know that life doesn't work that way and bust our asses every day to try and achieve some financial freedom when we retire. RRSPs, pensions and just plain old saving is the only way this Polkaroo is going to be able to put down his deep fryer basket and enjoy his golden years. It is not sexy, but it is the only way to go.

Still, the dream persists. Sometimes when the Lotto Max jackpot hits a ridiculous 50 million, we will linger after dinner and talk dreamily about all the things we could do and the people we would help if our numbers came up.

We could do this every day.

I don't think it does any harm to talk about travelling all over the world (imagine the beer), or paying off all of our families mortgages and making sure they never had to want for anything in their lives again. It is good to look around and dream of bigger and better things. Wishing for that and doing something about it are two very different things however. So while it is all well and good to buy that lottery ticket, it is quite destructive to spend gobs of cash trying to win something that is just this side of impossible. We spend about $14 a week and that is about all I am comfortable with. It's not a huge sum out of our budget and it's a fair price to pay for some daydreaming. We continue to be aggressive with our saving and are very conscious of where every dollar goes because we want to be able to enjoy our lives. When the bills are paid and you've got some cash in the bank, that is really what winning is to me.

There is no way for guys like me to jump the queue on life. I didn't go to college or university and that has made me work a little harder to make up for the poor decisions of my youth. I am just now getting my head up above the clouds and looking around, its pretty nice up here. I put in my hours at work and endeavour everyday to not only earn my pay, but make sure I feel good about doing it. It's not my dream job, but it pays the bills, allows me time off to pursue the Perfect Beer and gives me a sense of purpose. That is what work is for me, a means to an end. If you are lucky enough to do something you love, consider yourself ahead in the game of life. If not, at least give it your best while you're there and keep reaching for something better.

Playing the lottery or grabbing the occasional Scratch ticket are not a waste if you can do so with the full knowledge that it's more of a dream than a reality. Doing this allows you to enjoy the thoughts of financial freedom while still realising that the alarm clock is going to go off in the morning and work awaits. You rarely get something for nothing and when you earn it, the results are so much sweeter.

Still, what I could do with $1.5 billion.......

Cheers!



I got nothing.

Time to de-Christmas the house. Booooooo!

Christmas was over two weeks ago and the Polkaroo household still looks like we await St. Nick's arrival. I hate the thought of putting away all my decorations for another year, but realise if I don't act soon, it is going to seem like I am just lazy instead of festive.


It's drier than Nevada by now

Growing up, my mom always took down everything by New Year's day so we could have a fresh start. I really think it was because there were 4 kids in my house going back to school and my saint of a mother needed her house to resemble some kind of normal before the tornado of a new semester took over the place.

We grumbled and half heartedly helped take down our growing collection of Christmas baubles and went back to the dreary days of winter. I always thought I wanted to leave the decorations up longer to keep that happy spirit alive, but in reality, I was just putting off stuff that had to be done.

Putting aside my aversion to taking down what I put up only a month and a half ago, I begin the process of hauling the 30+ boxes of regular household knickknacks to replace the assorted holiday gee-gaws. Trudging up and down the stairs, I start to envision a future where we do a minimalist Christmas. Maybe a bauble or two and that would suffice.

Why do we need so many damn decorations?

We don't even have kids.

 This is ridiculous.

I really hate taking down my Christmas stuff.

When I start to wrap the breakables, it brings a smile to my face as I put away certain ones because they mean something a little more. A musical Santa Mom and Dad fixed for Grampa.

It still plays music too

 Mrs. Polkaroo's ever expanding Christmas village that is starting outgrow its spot.

The picture doesn't do it justice, it is growing quickly.

These things remind me of why I decorate for this holiday only. The act of doing it reminds me of the excitement of childhood and who wouldn't want to relive Christmas Eve and morning as a kid one more time. When I take it down, it helps to put those feelings away until next year when I get to do it again.

New this year!

The process of re-decorating and hanging our assorted picture frames, paintings and wall ornaments is a nice way to consider what we have and if it really is necessary. I know no one needs any of the stuff we have, but they contain memories and feelings from what they mean to each of us. I am forever deciding if this piece or that has had it time with us and needs a new home. It usually ends up that I donate some stuff to charity and make room for new memories that we will acquire in 2016.

I have always been the one who decorates, it is just something I enjoy and Kat doesn't seem to mind. I have made all the picture frames in our house (and there are a plethora of them) full of pics from our few and precious trips to the Caribbean.


Fun times with my best friend.

Nothing is better than as you trudge down the stairs mid-January than seeing the fun times we've had on the beaches of Jamaica or Cuba and the hope that we may do it again. 

Almost twelve years.

Wedding pictures of course are a fixture as well, not forgetting that youthful snap from our engagement.

Oh, the matching blues.



As the house slowly returns to normal, it cannot help but look barren. Nothing can generate the excitement and colour that Christmas does, so you learn to cope. I have no doubt that part of my "blahs" of February are caused by the sharp contrast between the sparkling promise of Christmas and the regular everyday gray of our lives.

This year I approach it from a much better place and look forward to doing a little redesigning of the main floor with maybe some classy beer bottles sneaking their way onto our built-in bookcases in the dining room. Just one or four, I promise.

So much room for my beer collection!

I have long felt the depression of this time of year, but it was only recently that I began to understand it and fight back. It takes a concerted effort and the support of my lovely wife, who never gives in to the darkest days I have, to remain on an even keel. I have a much better grip on what causes my sadness and with that in hand, I am confident taking away my Christmas until next November will not put me in a funk.

Plus this year has so much to look forward to. I am off to visit some new places tomorrow and despite the chill in the air, we have committed to start our walking regimen. New shoes from the store always made me feel like I could run faster as a kid and I still get a rush when I lace up my new high tops.

But for now it is the careful wrapping of breakables, the packing of the boxes and the unhanging of funny snowmen wreaths.

These guys always make me laugh.

I put them away not with sadness, but with a happiness that comes from recognizing what a wonderful life I have and how much joy this past season brought to me. I look forward to the chilly walks and explorations the rest of winter will bring and am excited for the warming of Spring and the sun shining on my face as I work in the gardens.

Bye-bye penguins, snowmen and Santa. You will be missed and I look forward to seeing you all again as soon as the clock turns on November 12th, 2016.

Cheers!



What I Want for 2016

More time with the most wonderful woman in my life

would be the perfect way to spend 2016.

Looking back is always fun, provided you don't get all freaked out at the stupid stuff you have done in your life. My last year has been nothing short of amazing. I remained smoke free, stopped binge drinking crappy beer, found the courage to fight back against my depression and social anxiety and of course I started this little journey to share with you. Writing this blog has been cathartic for many reasons, the least of which is that I felt like I had a voice again. Many times I would get bogged down in the worries of everyday life like bills, repairs, work and sometimes, just living. Nothing earth shattering, but when you face an ever growing cloud that won't go away, even the smallest tasks seem insurmountable. Writing frees me to think of the good I have done and can do. It allows my mind to speak what often I would keep inside. It seems like I am only focusing on beer, but to me each post represents a victory over my own depression. I can now make conscious decisions to do the right thing for myself, as opposed to wallowing in a drunken stupor. I do miss being able to not care about things, it is much simpler, but it is more rewarding to have presence in my own life. All of this leads to the title of my post, What I Want for 2016.

These things, not all beer related , are goals I am going to set and hopefully achieve in the new year. With the help of those around me, I want to continue to my journey and experience all that life has to offer me. Also, there are so many new beers to try.

1. Live a healthier lifestyle - Seems counterintuitive for a beer drinking fat guy to want to live healthier, but hear me out. I am verging on my mid forties and have been overweight for most of my life. I know this will lead to problems as I age, so dropping some of this excess baggage would help. I don't think there are any quick fixes out there, so to me, it means eating better and most importantly getting off my ass and moving my body. Mrs. Polkaroo and I are going to start walking in the evening and hopefully things pick up from there. Anything beats doing nothing
2. Write or create something every day - Simply putting words to the keyboard and writing a review of a beer can be wonderful for me. Other times I like to work with my hands and build something for the house. Decks on decks in the Grotto is my motto. I need to update my office, as I actually use it now. Bookcases, some paint and accessories will breath new life into my space. I love the challenge of creating something out of nothing and I will get my butt in gear on this one early in the new year.
3. Tell the people I love that I love them more often - So many times we go about our daily lives and forget about this gesture. Tell the people who are important to you how you feel. You'll feel better saying I love you and meaning it. Life is funny and sometimes we don't get to say goodbye to people before they leave us, so say it loud and say it often. I am going to try.
4. Forgive myself and others - In the same vein as the last one, it does you no good to carry a grudge. Against someone who has hurt you or yourself for something you did. Letting go is very hard for me and it requires a conscious effort to remind myself that I am not perfect and neither is anyone else. No one is out to get you, don't let yourself get led down the garden path on that one, it goes to dark and lonely places. Forgiveness has brought me peace and I hope to get even better at it as the year goes on.
5. 

   

   We do love a good game of pool at Merle's.

   Have fun - I used to do so many fun and exciting things. The only problem was that I only remember portions of those events because I would also be drinking heavily. Luckily I have a wonderful wife who has stood by me and I want to return that favour by making life fun again. I want to go out and visit places that interest both of us. Making time in your week for something fun to do with your significant other is difficult at times when life bogs down, but making that time, no matter how small can be a huge game changer. It doesn't always mean spending gobs of cash on a trip or things, but simply could be curling up with a movie or playing a silly board game. Whatever comes next will be better though, because I will be present for all of it. Let's go have some fun.
6. Do something nice for myself - During my life, I never considered what the future held. I was a here and now guy and damn the torpedoes of consequence. That has changed and will continue to evolve. But I now know that I have to be kind to me as well. My life is slowly coming into focus and there are things I want to do that are just for me. I hope to have company, but there is also something to be said for the quiet contemplation of life. Being solitary sometimes isn't a bad thing if it doesn't separate you from the wider world. So I will treat myself every now and then to some things just for me. I have to make myself a priority sometimes, but also remember not to do it at the expense of anyone else. Love is often the hardest gift to give yourself, so remember that you are a good and deserving person too.
7. Unplug and be present - This one is easy. When we went out the other day, Kat and I turned our phones on airplane mode and just existed in each other. We spent the day laughing and talking, never once having to check our devices for "important" messages or posts. So this year I want to do that more. A big theme of changing my life is being Present. Be where you are and not somewhere else. What that means is put down your phone and look around you. There are people, places and things going on that only require you to be in the moment to really enjoy them. The internet will be there tomorrow, today is here right now and I don't want to miss it.

8. 

   We eat pretty good, but maybe we need some
   more exciting flavours

   Try new foods - Beer has helped me try so many new flavours and textures. It has taken me around the world in a glass and I am so thankful I discovered that before it was too late. But that alone isn't enough. We are committed to expanding our food world as well. There is a pattern to what we eat in the Polkaroo household, although not intentional. We probably exist on the same 6 or 7 meals almost all year. This has to change. Why stick to the same old tired dinners when there are some incredibly tasty things in the world. I am often dismissive of anything new because I love my comfort zone. Pushing out of that will no doubt lead to some funny tasting things but also will lead to me to discover a whole range of things I didn't know I liked. Maybe it's time I gave Sushi another go. I know Kat would like that.
9. Stay on Budget - This is one thing I really worked hard on in 2015. We lived paycheque to 4 days before paycheque for pretty much our entire relationship. This year we worked hard at fixing that and it has made a massive difference in our lives. The lack of stress at worrying if the gas or electricity is going to be shut off is just amazing. It isn't always easy saying no to ourselves or others when we just don't have the money, but it is getting easier. Saving up for a big purchase or trip has made us better consumers because we consider if we really need something and not just what our impulses want. Our budget is organic and grows and changes with what we learn as we go along. I have no doubt we will make mistakes, but at least now we can recognize them and actively fix them as opposed to ignoring them like we used to. A life can be lived on a budget and we are going to make it the best we can.
10. Explore Beer - I didn't intend for this to be about the things I wanted to better in my life. My first concept was all the beer related things I wanted to do in 2016. Visiting certain breweries, tracking down elusive brews (Whales) and maybe getting into video blogging my beer tastings were things I was going to write about. I still will, but as I began to write, it occurred to me that I am more than just a beer guy. I am a son, brother, uncle, friend and most importantly to me, Husband to an incredible woman. These are the things that matter to me the most. But I wouldn't have any of it if I didn't see through the haze of Macro lagers that used to dominate my life. Knowledge about what I drink has made me more aware of so many other things in my life. So beer will remain my hobby, maybe even my life's work if I can ever get my home brewery going. But it is not the only thing I have going for me. You will see me at some festivals and breweries for sure this year. I know I can go out and not get hammered because I have done it.  I'll take you along with me and maybe we can meet up and grab a pint together.

Remember, Pinkies out!

There you have it. I wasn't planning on doing ten things, it just kind of happened. By no means is this all I want to do in 2016. But as I have said before, I write for myself as much as to share it with you. I reread my own stuff from time to time to see what I was thinking and more importantly, to me anyway, to make sure I keep moving forward. I want to thank everyone who follows along at home and I promise to keep being honest and upfront about my life journey whenever I post. I am just starting to live my life and it really makes me smile to know you are there with me.

Cheers everyone!

Happy New Year!

Keep on believing!

See you all in 2016!



Make Time this Christmas to be Present

All of us in one place? Not as easy as it used to be.

As I was driving home last night, I was thinking about Christmas. More specifically about all the great things we did when I was a kid. It was a real treat to grow up in my family, Christmas was considered to be the best time of the year. not just because of presents, but due to all the get togethers and various functions both sides of my family would have. Christmas parties, visits to our house and visiting other people kept us going crazy all month long. Christmas Eve was the most looked forward to night of the year. Papa and Grandma would come over to our house, soon to be joined by a large contingent of my fathers' family. It was a loud, boisterous time and when it died down it was off to my mothers' side and even more Christmas. Grampa and Granny brought the whole brood under their roof every Christmas Eve and more libations and presents were exchanged. There would be 30 plus people crammed into that little house and what fun we had. 

The point of this little non-beer related post is that while I thinking of these wonderful times, I started to contemplate the future. Already these traditions are changed from when I was a kid. That is natural, things change. But what struck me was what Christmas will be like in 10, 15 or 20 years from now for me and Kat. We do not have kids, hopefully we will, but nothing is certain. My extended family rarely can get together because everyone is "busy". I am guilty of this myself. Just wanting to go home and try a beer or two before crashing out for the night. The thought I kept coming back to was not the presents of Christmas past, but the presence of the people who made it my favourite time of the year.

I am lucky enough at 42 to still have my Granny around to keep me grounded in those childhood days. She does an amazing job of bringing us all together on the Eve and at 90 has more energy than pretty much any of us. But still, there are some things I really miss.

 My Papa and Grandma coming through the door on Christmas Eve was one of my favourite memories and I always kind of wish I could have that feeling one more time.

 Walking into Grampa's house and seeing him sitting at the kitchen table waiting for all of us to arrive for that same night is another thing that I would love to experience again.

So many other moments big and small that make my Christmas memories shine.

Life doesn't work that way. All I have are my memories and that is what I am getting at. It truly is the people who are not here that strikes me the hardest. We lost my Uncle Tom this year and he loved Christmas more than almost anyone. He played Santa Claus and raised money for charity doing it. He loved to watch the kids eyes light up when he walked into a room, dressed as Santa or not. We've said good bye to more amazing people than I care to remember. Brothers, sisters, parents, extended family and friends passing from this world far too soon. This is what made me open my eyes.

I am sure we all have fond memories of those who are not here. I ache at their not being with us and saddened to see those around me suffer from the pain of the important people who they've lost and cannot have with them at this most joyous time of the year. This has struck the chord with me. What about the people who are here, but whom we do not make the effort to see. What about that best friend you've fallen out of touch with because trying to fit them into your schedule is "hard". What about that family member who you don't talk to because of some slight years ago. What about all the people who we want to reach out to but feel too much time has passed and despite our best intentions, we just don't try.

This is the thing. I am sure we all feel rushed. We shouldn't, but we do. Always trying to cram more things and events into our hectic schedules, but missing out on what is truly needed. Time is a commodity that isn't bankable. All we have is the here and now. You are not promised tomorrow, so get on with your life today.

I know it sounds simple. Pick up the phone, drop by for a visit or send a text message and get together for a pint. It isn't that easy for most of us. Maybe we feel some shame at letting people lapse out of our lives or not being there when they called. Perhaps we've spent to much time looking inward at our own lives and not enough time trying to connect to our wider circle of family and friends. I don't know what it is you miss, but I am sure it is something or someone. And that is the whole point of my rambling.

There is time, as Scrooge learned, to start all over again. It really never is to late to come back home. Just because we have fallen apart does not mean we cannot put it back together again. My biggest fear is who I will be missing next year. Hopefully no one, but we never know when our time here on this planet is up.  I do not want to be sitting here next December thinking about someone I've lost and wishing I had spent more time with them, especially at Christmas. You do not want to remember someone you love and regret that you couldn't find the time to include them in your life. People are not perfect. We know all too many ways to hurt one another and often do so without malice. That is the thing I want to stress the most. If you can forgive someone, do it, you will be better off for it. Hanging on to old wounds if it is possible to heal them is not going to be something you will treasure as the years pass.  I am as guilty as anyone at holding a grudge, but all that gets me is exactly nothing. By all means do not interact with someone who actively hurts you emotionally or physically. I am well aware that there are some things people do that are just not forgivable. But I am talking about those things which seemed so big at the time, but now you can see them for what they truly are and wish there was some way to repair the damage.

Don't let 2015 pass by without trying to do better. Make the first step and I think you will be surprised at what happens. At the very least, you tried. Forgive yourself while you're at it. You are never as bad as you think you are. Have some humility, you are not better than anyone either. Try to get along with people, it makes life better. And most of all, go home. Wherever that is. Go there, raise a glass of egg nog, or beer or coffee and toast your amazing luck at having found your way through that door. I may only have my memories of those long ago days, but that isn't a reason to not make new ones. Please do yourself a favour and at least try.

Someone misses you, I guarantee it.

Merry Christmas!