What Now?

You start off with the same milestones as everyone. People wait for you to roll over, sit up, walk and run. Then you go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, raise them, retire, be a grandparent and the cycle starts again.


What happens when you hit the one of these and stop?


I know that I am never going to retire, we are not having kids and I am increasingly unsure of what comes next.
My life has always had the next goal, the next achievement, the next chapter. Now I am a little lost because I sometimes wonder what I am working so hard for. Living to work is not what anyone wants to do, but when you have children, you do what is necessary to provide them with the best you can. When you are staring 30 more years in the eye and realising that at best you'll squeeze out 4 weeks vacation a year, you wonder why bother. What is the purpose of life if all it has become is the drudgery of day to day, month to month, year to year. Small things to look forward to are good, but when you are faced with decades more of 50 hour weeks and living on the fringes of what society has deemed normal, it weighs on you. Happiness is fleeting and we hold on dearly to anything that brings a moments respite from the exceedingly ordinary lives we lead.
I hear about folks without kids who go on grand adventures, leave it all behind and pursue a life that they choose. Sounds good, but it is not easy to leave behind the trappings of the regular life. What would I do for work? Where would we live? What about our extended, albeit slightly estranged. families? Will it actually be better? These things run through my mind as I think about just saying no to all I thought I wanted until very recently.
At 43, is it too late to start again?
I wish I had an answer. It has been haunting me for some time now as we move further away from having kids, I want to figure out who I am and where I want to be. I am certain that I was not meant to be 70 and struggling to live, working a full time job and just getting by every day. So many people live those desperate lives of work, eat, sleep, repeat and I don't want to become a drone who only stops working when I stop breathing. Following my passion is all well and good in theory, but a mortgage isn't paid in dreams and my partner in life cannot carry the load while I pursue something that may never become anything of value. Real life means the bills come in, you pay them and whatever is left over is what you can try to live on. We do better than most, we have more than enough food, clothes on our backs, a little fun now and then and a roof over our heads. This should be enough but I can't help but thinking there should be more. We shouldn't be locked down to some conformity that isn't real to us. We are not of the world that we expected and maybe it is time to explore the world we do not know.
Dreams stay just that unless you act on them, but what price is paid for pursuing them. I don't know that I will ever be brave enough to actually give voice to what I want. The internal struggle between what I thought was going to happen and what has happened is very real and I just want to find my place in the world. If I don't, will I lay there, 20 years from now, silently judging and hating myself because I was to cowardly to demand happiness. I know that I wish 20 year old me would have thought a little more about where we would end up because that guy was a seriously shortsighted individual. The pursuit of immediate gratification is my biggest regret and while I can do nothing about the past, I can do something about the future. I don't know where I will be a year from now, but as long as it is moving towards a goal I have set and made real, then I will at least have that.
 Life really is too short and when you start down the back forty of your existence, it is probably time to look at yourself and ask one thing:
"Are you happy?"
If the answer is no...well, maybe it's time you do something about it, because no one else is coming to bail you out or tell you what to do with your own life. This is when you make a choice and whatever that is, wherever that takes you, it is 100 % on you. No excuses, no regrets, no looking back. I know my time is coming and when I reach that fork in the road, I hope I choose wisely.

Polka Dot Awards 2015 #1 - Old North Mocha Porter

My Favourite Beer in 2015!

A year ago today my life was rolling along as it always had. One disaster after another followed by binge drinking macro lager and passing out. I wasn't looking to the future nor did I care to. But there was a glimmer of hope as the year progressed. I started to actively live my life. It didn't happen overnight, but in a series of small moments that I couldn't recognize until I put down the Old Milwaukee tall boy. It would be simplistic to say Craft Beer saved my life, but not far from the truth. Well made beer is not just a better consumer product, it is better for you. Good beer made me slow down and take stock of what I really wanted in my life.

I know in my heart I am always going to have to work at being a more present person. But with the help of my family, friends and the occasional beer, I can do it.

All of this leads up to where we are today. New year's Eve 2015. I am very grateful for every one of you who took the time to read the ramblings of the Drunk Polkaroo. It means more to me than I can express and I hope you found something to carry with you. Be it a beer you didn't know about or maybe reconnecting with an old friend, I wish you well.

On with the final review of the year.

 My crazy days of drinking crappy beer are over. The memes and pithy quotes about over consuming and blacking out are still funny, but no longer needed. It is time to grow up and drink beer as the gods intended it to be consumed. With joy and presence. I approach my beer now with an open mind and heart. This how I feel when I popped the top on this years #1 beer on the Polka Dot Awards.



Baysville, Ontario brewery Lake of Bays makes many of my favourite brews, but their Old North Mocha Porter was off the charts good this year.
You always have some expectations of what a beer is from the style or description on the bottle. I usually rely on my own judgement, but their modest depiction of what was in the bottle says it quite well.

 I had the 2014 version last winter and found it pretty decent. 2015 was a step above. It made such an impression that I couldn't get it out of my head. It held its place as the last month of the year advanced and the beers got more complex. Never did I expect this would remain the front runner, but it is a great damn beer.

Christmas at Merle's with a wonderful beer!

It pours a rich black colour with a creamy tan head. Smells incredible roasty. When you finally get done admiring how good it looks, the flavour is incredible. Coffee forward flavour drives the truck here and with the dark chocolate and bittersweet cocoa flourishing in the back, we have an amazing brew. It is a big, robust and mouth watering beer that warms you up in all the right ways. Roasted malts cascade through your senses as you take a deep breath before each sip. So very enjoyable.

This beer is exactly what I was missing before I began to trek up Mount Beer. It could be used to get drunk with, for sure. But it doesn't make me feel that way. It makes me want to lean back, turn off the TV and find out how your day was. It makes me want to read a book and sit in front of the fire. This is a beer that lets you enjoy what it is and contemplate how you ever thought Old Milwaukee was tasty.

I am a man who has missed a lot of life in the last few years, but when I get to taste beer like Old North, I know I wont miss much anymore. One bottle of this beer and you have my attention for the whole night. Okay, maybe two and we'll share.

Polkies are meant to show you what made me better this year and I don't have a doubt that this is one of those. I am constantly seeking the next great beer and finding one is such a joy.

Thanks for coming along for the ride. There were so many amazing beers this year and I am just scraping the tip of the iceberg with these ten. Any of the beers listed below could have been #1, but I had to pick just one.
 I have one ready to go and I think it will be the first beer I open when we arrive at our destination for the festivities tonight. I can't think of a better way to start a party.

It's good to have dreams. Here's one of mine.

Cheers!
Thank You!
Happy New Year!

Congratulations Lake of Bays! The Polka Dot Award for the Drunk Polkaroo's favourite beer in 2015 goes to you and your Wonderful Old North! I cannot wait till next winter and another new Mocha Porter!
Here's a link to their website. Fantastic brewery that never disappoints.

Cheers to the Canadian Beers!

Top Ten of 2015 from the Drunk Polkaroo

1. Old North Mocha Porter - Lake of Bays Brewing (Canada)
2. Pompous Ass EPA - Great Lakes Brewery (Canada)
3. Long Dark Voyage to Uranus - Great Lakes Brewery (Canada)
4. Riptide Rye Pale Ale - Forked River Brewing (Canada)
5. Torpedo Extra IPA - Sierra Nevada (USA)
6. Coast to Coastless - Flying Monkeys Brewing (Canada)
7. Farm Table Marzen - Beau's All Natural Brewing (Canada)
8. Pale Ale - Sierra Nevada (USA)
9. Kentucky Bastard (2015) - Nickel Brook brewing (Canada)
10. Curmudgeon IPA - Grand River Brewing (Canada)

Summer can't come fast enough.
See you all in the Grotto.
Happy New Year!



What I Want for 2016

More time with the most wonderful woman in my life

would be the perfect way to spend 2016.

Looking back is always fun, provided you don't get all freaked out at the stupid stuff you have done in your life. My last year has been nothing short of amazing. I remained smoke free, stopped binge drinking crappy beer, found the courage to fight back against my depression and social anxiety and of course I started this little journey to share with you. Writing this blog has been cathartic for many reasons, the least of which is that I felt like I had a voice again. Many times I would get bogged down in the worries of everyday life like bills, repairs, work and sometimes, just living. Nothing earth shattering, but when you face an ever growing cloud that won't go away, even the smallest tasks seem insurmountable. Writing frees me to think of the good I have done and can do. It allows my mind to speak what often I would keep inside. It seems like I am only focusing on beer, but to me each post represents a victory over my own depression. I can now make conscious decisions to do the right thing for myself, as opposed to wallowing in a drunken stupor. I do miss being able to not care about things, it is much simpler, but it is more rewarding to have presence in my own life. All of this leads to the title of my post, What I Want for 2016.

These things, not all beer related , are goals I am going to set and hopefully achieve in the new year. With the help of those around me, I want to continue to my journey and experience all that life has to offer me. Also, there are so many new beers to try.

1. Live a healthier lifestyle - Seems counterintuitive for a beer drinking fat guy to want to live healthier, but hear me out. I am verging on my mid forties and have been overweight for most of my life. I know this will lead to problems as I age, so dropping some of this excess baggage would help. I don't think there are any quick fixes out there, so to me, it means eating better and most importantly getting off my ass and moving my body. Mrs. Polkaroo and I are going to start walking in the evening and hopefully things pick up from there. Anything beats doing nothing
2. Write or create something every day - Simply putting words to the keyboard and writing a review of a beer can be wonderful for me. Other times I like to work with my hands and build something for the house. Decks on decks in the Grotto is my motto. I need to update my office, as I actually use it now. Bookcases, some paint and accessories will breath new life into my space. I love the challenge of creating something out of nothing and I will get my butt in gear on this one early in the new year.
3. Tell the people I love that I love them more often - So many times we go about our daily lives and forget about this gesture. Tell the people who are important to you how you feel. You'll feel better saying I love you and meaning it. Life is funny and sometimes we don't get to say goodbye to people before they leave us, so say it loud and say it often. I am going to try.
4. Forgive myself and others - In the same vein as the last one, it does you no good to carry a grudge. Against someone who has hurt you or yourself for something you did. Letting go is very hard for me and it requires a conscious effort to remind myself that I am not perfect and neither is anyone else. No one is out to get you, don't let yourself get led down the garden path on that one, it goes to dark and lonely places. Forgiveness has brought me peace and I hope to get even better at it as the year goes on.
5. 

   

   We do love a good game of pool at Merle's.

   Have fun - I used to do so many fun and exciting things. The only problem was that I only remember portions of those events because I would also be drinking heavily. Luckily I have a wonderful wife who has stood by me and I want to return that favour by making life fun again. I want to go out and visit places that interest both of us. Making time in your week for something fun to do with your significant other is difficult at times when life bogs down, but making that time, no matter how small can be a huge game changer. It doesn't always mean spending gobs of cash on a trip or things, but simply could be curling up with a movie or playing a silly board game. Whatever comes next will be better though, because I will be present for all of it. Let's go have some fun.
6. Do something nice for myself - During my life, I never considered what the future held. I was a here and now guy and damn the torpedoes of consequence. That has changed and will continue to evolve. But I now know that I have to be kind to me as well. My life is slowly coming into focus and there are things I want to do that are just for me. I hope to have company, but there is also something to be said for the quiet contemplation of life. Being solitary sometimes isn't a bad thing if it doesn't separate you from the wider world. So I will treat myself every now and then to some things just for me. I have to make myself a priority sometimes, but also remember not to do it at the expense of anyone else. Love is often the hardest gift to give yourself, so remember that you are a good and deserving person too.
7. Unplug and be present - This one is easy. When we went out the other day, Kat and I turned our phones on airplane mode and just existed in each other. We spent the day laughing and talking, never once having to check our devices for "important" messages or posts. So this year I want to do that more. A big theme of changing my life is being Present. Be where you are and not somewhere else. What that means is put down your phone and look around you. There are people, places and things going on that only require you to be in the moment to really enjoy them. The internet will be there tomorrow, today is here right now and I don't want to miss it.

8. 

   We eat pretty good, but maybe we need some
   more exciting flavours

   Try new foods - Beer has helped me try so many new flavours and textures. It has taken me around the world in a glass and I am so thankful I discovered that before it was too late. But that alone isn't enough. We are committed to expanding our food world as well. There is a pattern to what we eat in the Polkaroo household, although not intentional. We probably exist on the same 6 or 7 meals almost all year. This has to change. Why stick to the same old tired dinners when there are some incredibly tasty things in the world. I am often dismissive of anything new because I love my comfort zone. Pushing out of that will no doubt lead to some funny tasting things but also will lead to me to discover a whole range of things I didn't know I liked. Maybe it's time I gave Sushi another go. I know Kat would like that.
9. Stay on Budget - This is one thing I really worked hard on in 2015. We lived paycheque to 4 days before paycheque for pretty much our entire relationship. This year we worked hard at fixing that and it has made a massive difference in our lives. The lack of stress at worrying if the gas or electricity is going to be shut off is just amazing. It isn't always easy saying no to ourselves or others when we just don't have the money, but it is getting easier. Saving up for a big purchase or trip has made us better consumers because we consider if we really need something and not just what our impulses want. Our budget is organic and grows and changes with what we learn as we go along. I have no doubt we will make mistakes, but at least now we can recognize them and actively fix them as opposed to ignoring them like we used to. A life can be lived on a budget and we are going to make it the best we can.
10. Explore Beer - I didn't intend for this to be about the things I wanted to better in my life. My first concept was all the beer related things I wanted to do in 2016. Visiting certain breweries, tracking down elusive brews (Whales) and maybe getting into video blogging my beer tastings were things I was going to write about. I still will, but as I began to write, it occurred to me that I am more than just a beer guy. I am a son, brother, uncle, friend and most importantly to me, Husband to an incredible woman. These are the things that matter to me the most. But I wouldn't have any of it if I didn't see through the haze of Macro lagers that used to dominate my life. Knowledge about what I drink has made me more aware of so many other things in my life. So beer will remain my hobby, maybe even my life's work if I can ever get my home brewery going. But it is not the only thing I have going for me. You will see me at some festivals and breweries for sure this year. I know I can go out and not get hammered because I have done it.  I'll take you along with me and maybe we can meet up and grab a pint together.

Remember, Pinkies out!

There you have it. I wasn't planning on doing ten things, it just kind of happened. By no means is this all I want to do in 2016. But as I have said before, I write for myself as much as to share it with you. I reread my own stuff from time to time to see what I was thinking and more importantly, to me anyway, to make sure I keep moving forward. I want to thank everyone who follows along at home and I promise to keep being honest and upfront about my life journey whenever I post. I am just starting to live my life and it really makes me smile to know you are there with me.

Cheers everyone!

Happy New Year!

Keep on believing!

See you all in 2016!