I'm Okay with Who I am.

***I am going to preface the following post with this little aside. I do not want advice on how to diet, exercise or otherwise lose weight. Your experience with those three things is singular and doesn't apply to anyone else. I write this because I love who I am and you should do the same for yourself. If you want to help someone, look in the mirror because when it comes to who we are at our core, the only opinion that matters is your own.***

I am a fat guy.

Not a shock if you know me, follow along with my beer adventures at The Drunk Polkaroo or have encountered me in real life at all. I weigh in the neighbourhood of 270 pounds and being only 5'6", it's a big gut on a small guy.

I'm neither proud or ashamed of what I look like. It is who I am and despite years of thinking about doing something about it, I never really have.

Perhaps I am lazy;

 Maybe I don't really care about myself and eat poorly;

Drink too much and have poor nutritional skills.

No...None of that is true.

Yet those are some of the things I've heard over the years, along with what exactly I should be doing to be more like everyone else. Eat less, exercise more, try this fad diet, see a specialist or engage in someone else's newest passion. While I may be a beer guy and shout my love from the rooftop, I always say that you should drink what makes you happy and to hell with everyone else. Maybe the people who want to change how I live should do the same.

So why bother writing about this at all? Why not just keep on living life and let it slide? The truth is since I've started to explore the wider world inside my head and outside my comfort zone, I don't know how not to write about what comes forward. My being fat isn't a disease and it doesn't mean I have to listen to your advice or even want it. Why is someone's weight still the one thing that people feel they have the right to weigh in on? (Pun intended)
I walked over 10 kilometers last week in Quebec one day and felt wonderful. I wasn't out of breath, tired or sore, even the next day. I walk to work quite a bit lately because the Jeep is broken, 2.5 km each way and it's not an issue. But still I get the looks, comments and unwanted intrusion into my appearance. Even at 43, I can't get away from people who think they have the right to impugn upon my person because of how I look.

 I refuse to hide behind the walls of my home, though. I make videos and take pictures with my shirt off because I love who I am. I expose myself to the potential ridicule, but I don't care because I want everyone to know it is okay to love yourself for who you are. If you want to lose weight, get more fit or engage in any other form of self improvement, I say go for it. Attack your life with a ferocity that will help you achieve anything you want. But don't expect me to come along with you. I applaud your efforts and wish you well, but I am pretty happy with myself and the life I have (re)built.

Many times I have lost some weight and then put it back on. The master of the Yo-Yo diet, until one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I decided to just be myself and see where life takes me.  I eat pretty well, mostly home cooked meals with a good balance between greens, grains and meats. I try not to eat a lot of junk and almost never patronize fast food joints. My beer consumption is surprisingly small despite what people perceive. While I do have one beer every day, it is often just that single beer that enters my system. I am on my feet 9 hours or more at work 5 days a week and spend a large chunk of my days off working around the house. So I am far from the lazy, beer swilling, nacho eating character that usually embodies a man of my girth. I am active and probably have more energy than most people I know. I greet each day with enthusiasm and find other's lack of positivity to be a larger problem than the few extra pounds I carry around my middle.

I know this sounds like a rant and in my head it didn't start out that way. But body and image shaming have no place in a civilized, modern world. We must strive to be more inclusive in our approach to creating an open and better society with our words and actions. I make bad jokes at my own expense all the time and I know that it is because I learned early on that humour can mask the pain that other people cause. I recognize my own need to be more accepting of who I am and work harder to create a better narrative for my own story. Your journey, like mine, is inherently personal. You can choose to be joyful and to make other peoples lives the same or you can be negative and hateful. If you're a downer, take your bullshit somewhere else, I've heard it all before.

I might go for a walk tonight. Or a swim. Or maybe I'll prop my feet up on the deck and have a few pints. Whatever I decide is because it makes me happy and at the end of the day, that's all I can do.

Be kind to each other and yourself. Unless someone asks for your advice, keep it where it belongs...in your head. Be fierce in your passions and gentle with your faults. Nothing has to stay the way it is, but don't let anyone else take over the wheel of where you're headed. The only person driving your life should be you.