On Christmas

  Another year has come and gone and the Christmas season rushes at us ever faster with each passing day. We make jokes about how quickly December goes but the truth is with everything we try to do for other people, it leaves little time to sit down and just enjoy the moments as they happen. I watch from afar as people push through trying to do too much with too little money and time. I see the stress and anger build as they rush to do everything for everyone. I hear the laments about how it used to be and think "Did it really?"
  The truth is Christmas was infinitely easier when you were a kid but do not think your parents and their parents before them didn't stress about what to get the kids, make the dinner and do all the things to create memories that you do in hopes they will last a lifetime. It wasn't better back then, it was just better for you because you weren't in charge. My memories of Christmas morning are magical but I also know my parents stayed up until 4 a.m. making it like that and worked hard to be able to afford all those wonderful presents. They made it look effortless and I know you all do the same for your families, never letting them peek behind the curtain because we all are just giving our best Wizard of Oz impression and keeping secret the whirling machinations of making Christmas happen. That is what so many people have and will do in perpetuity, make the season about everyone else in order to create something they think needs to be perfect and social media picture worthy without pausing and asking what do we really need to be happy. We are trying to be something we think we need to be and missing the mark on just being there and enjoying it all.
  The guilt we feel or we let others impose on us around Christmas is another thing that has run its' course. The time when anyone can make you feel obligated to do anything is done. Why should you suffer toxic people or uncomfortable relationships just because you share an ancestor or parent? There isn't a rule that just because you are related to someone or it's a tradition that you need to expose you or the people you love to things that make all of you unhappy. I know it's not a popular thing to say but you do not have to go to a Christmas dinner/party if you don't want to. Being compelled to feel guilty isn't a reason to do anything and if someone is trying to do that maybe it's time to re-examine your relationship with that person. Why anyone who loves you would want you to feel displaced or forced to do something is a serious breach of being a loving partner or friend. You don't need anyone's permission to say "No."
  The entire holiday season is supposed to be about spending time with people you love and enjoying them being happy as well as yourself. That's what we strive for and make so many Facebook status' about. The underlying stress and anxiety bubbles up in odd moments of clarity after your second pint but we work hard to appear perfect and normal to the world. It's time to step back a little and make time for yourself. The work you put into an amazing Christmas experience is awesome but if you can't enjoy any of it then what is the point. Less is more never meant so much as now when you need to slow it down and soak it all in. Stop trying to have everything and see what you have. Money buys great gifts but the time we spend with the people who make our lives better is indeed worth more. So let go and move on, say no more and focus on the things that matter most. The clock ticks for all of us and one day it will all just be memories, make them happy ones, for yourself and the people you love.
  Make time for you this year, it will help you be a better person. Let go of toxic and harmful relationships, they do not have any claim on your time or life. Be there for the important moments for the people you want to be, make your presence felt and your love known. Learn to say no, let other people's guilt wash away and never look back when they try to make you feel bad. Christmas is supposed to be fun and filled with joy, you deserve it and it is time to make it happen.


Merry Christmas to all of you from me, thank you for your support and being a part of this crazy ride for the last 3 holiday seasons. May your family enjoy whatever you choose to do and may it bring you joy and happiness.


Cheers.


Polk


 

I'm Okay with Who I am.

***I am going to preface the following post with this little aside. I do not want advice on how to diet, exercise or otherwise lose weight. Your experience with those three things is singular and doesn't apply to anyone else. I write this because I love who I am and you should do the same for yourself. If you want to help someone, look in the mirror because when it comes to who we are at our core, the only opinion that matters is your own.***

I am a fat guy.

Not a shock if you know me, follow along with my beer adventures at The Drunk Polkaroo or have encountered me in real life at all. I weigh in the neighbourhood of 270 pounds and being only 5'6", it's a big gut on a small guy.

I'm neither proud or ashamed of what I look like. It is who I am and despite years of thinking about doing something about it, I never really have.

Perhaps I am lazy;

 Maybe I don't really care about myself and eat poorly;

Drink too much and have poor nutritional skills.

No...None of that is true.

Yet those are some of the things I've heard over the years, along with what exactly I should be doing to be more like everyone else. Eat less, exercise more, try this fad diet, see a specialist or engage in someone else's newest passion. While I may be a beer guy and shout my love from the rooftop, I always say that you should drink what makes you happy and to hell with everyone else. Maybe the people who want to change how I live should do the same.

So why bother writing about this at all? Why not just keep on living life and let it slide? The truth is since I've started to explore the wider world inside my head and outside my comfort zone, I don't know how not to write about what comes forward. My being fat isn't a disease and it doesn't mean I have to listen to your advice or even want it. Why is someone's weight still the one thing that people feel they have the right to weigh in on? (Pun intended)
I walked over 10 kilometers last week in Quebec one day and felt wonderful. I wasn't out of breath, tired or sore, even the next day. I walk to work quite a bit lately because the Jeep is broken, 2.5 km each way and it's not an issue. But still I get the looks, comments and unwanted intrusion into my appearance. Even at 43, I can't get away from people who think they have the right to impugn upon my person because of how I look.

 I refuse to hide behind the walls of my home, though. I make videos and take pictures with my shirt off because I love who I am. I expose myself to the potential ridicule, but I don't care because I want everyone to know it is okay to love yourself for who you are. If you want to lose weight, get more fit or engage in any other form of self improvement, I say go for it. Attack your life with a ferocity that will help you achieve anything you want. But don't expect me to come along with you. I applaud your efforts and wish you well, but I am pretty happy with myself and the life I have (re)built.

Many times I have lost some weight and then put it back on. The master of the Yo-Yo diet, until one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I decided to just be myself and see where life takes me.  I eat pretty well, mostly home cooked meals with a good balance between greens, grains and meats. I try not to eat a lot of junk and almost never patronize fast food joints. My beer consumption is surprisingly small despite what people perceive. While I do have one beer every day, it is often just that single beer that enters my system. I am on my feet 9 hours or more at work 5 days a week and spend a large chunk of my days off working around the house. So I am far from the lazy, beer swilling, nacho eating character that usually embodies a man of my girth. I am active and probably have more energy than most people I know. I greet each day with enthusiasm and find other's lack of positivity to be a larger problem than the few extra pounds I carry around my middle.

I know this sounds like a rant and in my head it didn't start out that way. But body and image shaming have no place in a civilized, modern world. We must strive to be more inclusive in our approach to creating an open and better society with our words and actions. I make bad jokes at my own expense all the time and I know that it is because I learned early on that humour can mask the pain that other people cause. I recognize my own need to be more accepting of who I am and work harder to create a better narrative for my own story. Your journey, like mine, is inherently personal. You can choose to be joyful and to make other peoples lives the same or you can be negative and hateful. If you're a downer, take your bullshit somewhere else, I've heard it all before.

I might go for a walk tonight. Or a swim. Or maybe I'll prop my feet up on the deck and have a few pints. Whatever I decide is because it makes me happy and at the end of the day, that's all I can do.

Be kind to each other and yourself. Unless someone asks for your advice, keep it where it belongs...in your head. Be fierce in your passions and gentle with your faults. Nothing has to stay the way it is, but don't let anyone else take over the wheel of where you're headed. The only person driving your life should be you.