The UnPolkies - My Least Favourite Beers of 2018

 

Judge Polk

  In the course of trying more than 700 different beers, there are bound to be a few clunkers. To be honest, when I finally was able to sort all of them and looked at my ratings, less than 40 (37 actually) were below my 3.5/5 rating, which generally is where I place an average but decent beer. These were not that...

  Finding a beer that isn't hitting the mark is not fun, I try to give it the benefit of the doubt and will even buy another one to try and see if I missed something. I don't enjoy not liking a beer but as I learn and grow, I am finding I have less time for poorly conceived or just plain "meh" beers. The first four on this list would be best described as off the charts poor with little to redeem them save the ABV and no one needs to get drunk so badly they should subject themselves to these liquid mistakes. The final two fall under the new category of "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed", a look at two good ideas that just fell flat and left me feeling out of sorts because the breweries they come from have really good track records overall.

  So here we go, I drank them so you don't have to and now I get to relive it all over again. I'll share my review from Instagram and leave a link to the YouTube video review if there was one before having a few final words (in Italics) after looking back . Thank goodness I get to talk about my 10 Most Memorable Beers later today because these 6 are enough to drive a man to drink...better.

1. Green Bastard IPA

Then (May 25th) -  Not sure what I was expecting but back to the well a third time we go with NAC Importers and another Trailer Park Boys branded beer. This time it's Bubbles and his 6.5% Green Bastard IPA, brewed with Citra, Amarillo and cascade hops, so there's some hope. Pours a clean and deep golden colour with a thick white head that lingers on the surface with some lacing. The first sign of trouble is when you take a sniff and get some caramel and a muted orange note but it's just not right.  On the sip, toasted malt backbone with a caramel sweetness, bitter pine with hints of orange and grapefruit, a bit soapy with a spicy finish that has a sharp bitterness but somehow is sticky. It lingers with a warm spice, rye in the malt bill for some reason, orange and pine with a grainy malted aftertaste that won't let go. Meh is too much, just give it a pass unless you're a fan of the show and want to get the can for the art. Not decent, a shitstorm of competing flavours that work about as well as the boys plans to retire early after one more Big Dirty...that's probably the next release, some kind of turbid sour...just stop. 

Now - It cost me $3.25 and that seems like far too much for this kind of effort. Not cool man. The Boys need a better beer so their fans can stop wasting their money on this kind of swill. Fandom only goes so far before even diehards will start to see through blatant cash grabs like this.

1.25/5 YouTube Video Review

2. Post Game Brew Co. Locker Room Lager

Then (January 24th) - I'm not much for light lagers much anymore and sometimes that reason is made clear to me. A clever marketing scheme and a low ABV cannot overcome a beer I'd rather not see in The Crease again. Found at the LCBO, Locker Room Lager by Post Game Brew Co. is a 4.2 % Game day crusher that pours clean and straw gold with a white head that fades. Smells of toasty malt with light lemon notes. On the sip, light is indeed the watchword here with a thin body that has little in the way of composition or favour. Slight lemon, biscuit and grass with some corn and a dry finish that resembles a similar beer that any macro brewer could put out. Aimed at the post game crowd or a sports bar, it leaves little to the memory and is best served ice cold, calling it suds on the can reminds me that we have a long way to go sometimes in our journey. Not a crossover beer in any sense, it's Coors light writ craft and for me, that's not a compliment or an endorsement. Save the $2.35 and grab a great Ontario Craft Lager instead. Maybe I'm getting cynical but this doesn't sit right in my wheelhouse or ethos.

Now - This one should be relegated to the broken stick pail and left out of any conversation about craft. So many low ABV options that have great flavour and body out there. Double minor for being low brow and pandering. A game misconduct for the entire concept. Hockey deserves better.

1.25/5 YouTube Video Review

3. Magnotta Brewing Inukshuk IPA

Then  (February 5th) - I'm sensing a trend in 2018 and I'm not feeling it. From the 2006 Brewery of the year at the Canadian Brewing awards...because that is something they can still market, albeit without the 2006 on the can...comes Magnotta Brewery's 6.5%, 38 IBU True North Inukshuk IPA. Should be better labelled as an English style IPA but capturing aspiring hop heads off guard has it's moments I suppose as well. Pours a clear golden copper colour with a white ahead that fades to nothing and leave a no trace. Smells like a caramel with nuts. On the sip, bready malt body with a lot of sweetness and some nuttiness. A loaded malt bomb with a slight herbal and earthy hop bitterness on the backend. It finished sticky with more of the same, not really in my wheelhouse and I am a huge fan of a well done English style IPA. Guess I'll be the guy who keeps drinking 'em so you don't have to, LCBO available but that really shouldn't be something you should concern yourself with. Move along, nothing to see here.

Now - The marketing of this still bothers me, an award won 12 years ago and a beer that is not what it says it is. Hard pass. 

1.75/5 YouTube Video Review

4. Hop City Brewing Cheat Day Porter

Then (February 1st) - Okay...yup.  From Hop City Brewing comes their 5.7% cake in a glass Cheat Day Black Forest Porter. It pours dark with light bleeding through and a tan head that fades to the side and smells of dark chocolate and light cherry. On the sip, this is where it all goes off the rails for me. Up front sweet chocolate and tart cherry is almost blunted by the metallic copper penny flavour that seems to permeate the entire way through. Letting it warm up a bit, there isn't a lot of roastiness and the cherry fights with the copper but the finish is cloying and metallic once again. Not really my style but that's what the world is all about, to each their own. Meh.

Now - Cherry is a beautiful flavour for a porter...if it tastes real...this did not. Cake in a glass is out there but needs a delicate hand and not just a fancy can.

1.75/5 YouTube Video Review

I'm Not Mad. I'm just disappointed.

1. Omnipollo Prodromus Stout

Then - (January 6th) - It's not that I am cheap but I still can't pour a beer down the drain... although right now I'm damn close.  Brewed in Toronto from the Swedish minds of wandering brewers Omnipollo comes the 10.5% Prodromus Graham Cracker Chocolate Chunk Caramel Bar Stout. It pours a thick, slick oil spill consistency with a tan head that lingers a bit before heading to the sides of the glass. Scents of Graham cracker, chocolate, caramel waft up as soon as that top is popped, almost overwhelming. On the sip, cloying and artificial with a boozy end. Lots of sweet caramel, chocolate, vanilla, Graham cracker and a warming canned heat kicker.  It's sharp and dry with an alcohol and chocolate, caramel and vanilla finish that has more of that fake Graham cracker lingering. I think it tried to do too much and in over reaching just became a bit of a dark roasted mess. A beer that will no doubt be for some folks, but after all the really amazing Imperial stouts and even the plain old regular ones I've had from Ontario this week, it is a real letdown. I can't recommend it, don't want to finish it but will not give up any time soon. No beer shall defeat me, even this dark grog. Disappointing after that most excellent IPA we had not so long ago from this very same brewery.

Now - Just poorly conceived and executed, best left in Sweden and at $6.00 a can, one of the worst deals in Ontario.To this day we still cringe at the thought of this diabetic coma in a can.   

2/5 No Video...darn it.

2. Collective Arts IPA No.6

Then (August 27th) - The much anticipated Collective Arts Brewing IPA No. 6 lands in The Grotto about as fresh as can be. Canned August 24th, this 6.7% Collective Project was brewed with Peaches as well as Amarillo and Wai-Iti hops and pours a hazy orange with a fluffy white head that lingers a while. Smelling peaches with some melon. On the sip, it has a whole lot of over ripe peach notes with melon  and some citrus on the backend. Slightly bitter with an almost funky peach on the finish. It doesn't work for me at all, the peach feels off somehow and doesn't blend well with the other notes. Such is life, I can't love everything and that is okay. Always honest, always true.

Now - I did go back and revisit this in another batch and still found it to be a little off putting. It wasn't the worst beer, it just missed the mark of great that so many Collective Arts beers did. Tough to maintain that level beer after beer but sometimes you might want to just let one go and move on. This is that one.  

3.25/5 YouTube Video Review

  No doubt someone loved each and every one of these beers. Palates are very personal and I encourage you to explore beer with an open mind, be honest and help us keep the Craft Beer community moving forward. Sharing our thoughts helps encourage conversation and that makes everyone a better, more informed consumer. Hold accountable those responsible for poorly thought out marketing or misleading labels, off flavours or just plain lazy beer. Give praise and help drive the sales of those who contribute to the greater good and make beer that is on point and made to be enjoyed with friends and family. You don't have to be an asshole about it but it is better to get mad than just blindly like everything you try to curry favour or try and get free stuff. Love is all about never losing sight of truth, honour and beauty.

Time to switch gears and later today I hope you'll come back as I talk of the Ten Most Memorable Ontario Craft Beers of 2018!

 

Cheers!

Polk

(If you want to know more about my personal system, which I try to use based on how close a beer comes to being on point, stylistically at least, you can check out Rating and Reviewing from my post about it last year here.)