Proof of Life...

 170 beats per minute.

At rest...

Was I scared?

Was?

Still am...

It's been a roller-coaster of a week and a half, actually more like a decade of descent, but it came to a head last Monday and while I know it could be a whole lot worse than it is, nothing prepares you for the very first time you truly stare at your own mortality in the mirror and not be sure you're coming out the other side of this one to the good.

I've been struggling with a lot of physical pain lately, the old flat feet giving me trouble, which I thought was leading to my extreme tiredness and shortness of breath, just another thing to power through and get past, I've always prized myself on my high pain tolerance, even though I always knew, in the back of my mind, that it wasn't smart to ignore your body's warning signs when they started going off like a 5 alarm fire bell, but that's who I am and how I got here I suppose.

After a couple weeks of this kind of feeling, last Monday I finally broke down and hobbled myself to the local emergency room, St. Joe's ambulatory care in the east end of The Hammer to be precise, figuring they'd give me some drugs to take away my foot pain and that would help take care of the breathing, et all...I was spectacularly wrong and thanks to the very quick and professional care, I started a week like I've never had before.

After registering, I waited a few minutes before being called up to the triage nurse, who got the blood pressure cuff on and the oxygen sensor clipped on before cutting our convo short with exactly why I've been unable to catch my breathe for days on end...and that sent us to the front of the line as we headed in the back.

My heart rate was hovering well above 170 beats a minute, at rest, a dangerous, marathon like hammering that was assuredly something I couldn't just shrug off. Quickly I was hooked up to a couple of machines, IV line run and my brief medical history taken before I was given something to try and begin to undo what I had done over 5 decades of doing what I do...I cannot be more thankful for the nurses and doctors all along the way, but those first few minutes were crucial to me, I felt the seriousness of what was happening, but also felt reassured that I was in the best hands I could be in.

Funny enough, my first question was if I'd be able to go to work Tuesday, a silly thought as my heart raced and my breath still fell short, the nurse told me I'd be headed by ambulance to St. Joe's proper for far more intense care than they could provide at Emergency, the cardiac unit was my destination and home for the next 4 days, although at the time I still figured I'd be out and about by the next day...equal parts delusion and hope, I've got by on less for years.

My first ambulance ride, first overnight hospital stay in 3 decades and more medical attention than I've ever had in my life followed, days and nights of compassionate care, tests on tests and some serious reflection on how I ended up where I was, feeling lucky I had Kat by my side, but also knowing that alone with my thoughts, I wondered if I could change enough to do what I know needs to be done.

I'll always be grateful for the compassionate care I received, a diagnosis of atrial fibrillation and a long talk with the cardiologist about my lifestyle and what came next, followed by 3 attempts to shock the old ticker into a proper rhythm hit hard but I am committed to trying to be a better living human, of only so I can have a beer again...I know, I know...

(All this above was written Thursday September 26th as I waited to be released...)

Sitting here a week after my release, I've been reflecting on what I wrote there as I pondered the future. It's a much smaller amount of time than I have lived, I may live long, but hitting 102 is probably a stretch...but maybe I have 30 years or more left if everything goes my way and I'd certainly like to stick around to see what happens before I do hit the swinging doors on that dive bar underground I know I'm destined for. 

But still I am left wondering, Did I do this to myself? My not quite hedonistic, but clearly indulgent lifestyle absolutely played a factor in this, most of whatever ails me can be attributed to my own faults and while there are other factors at play, the only one I can control is how I respond to this right now.

I'd like to think I'm up to the challenge.

We've been talking for a while about a lifestyle change, I've been desperately unhappy with myself as a human, knowing I needed to do something, anything, to break out of the moat sized rut I found myself trudging around in day after seemingly endless day...the small hope from this moment is that I actually can do just that, I can find a way to truly change my trajectory and still be who I am deep down in my soul. It's more than cutting back on all the things I eat and drink that are no good for me it's about getting up and believing I can be part of the world again, forgetting trying to relive the past and the golden vision I have of who I think I was. It's real easy to get lost in the things were better back then mantra, but why can't it also be that things will be better tomorrow too?

I don't know the answer today, I do know I haven't had a beer in 10 days and in that time I didn't think about it that much. I love a good beer buzz and do not envision a future without a pint or 2 on a Saturday night, but I think my days of over indulging my inner barfly are really over. I like being alive way more than any beer out there, although with Headstock, it's a pretty close call...kidding...but not really...

Thanks to everyone who wondered where I've been the last little while, I honestly didn't know what to say, but the couple of folks who reached out meant the world to me. I'll be back, I got nowhere else to go where I can talk about all the nonsensical and serious things that cross my mind. I'll try and keep y'all updated a little more, much like a wounded animal, my instinct in pain is to take to ground until I'm better. 

Somewhat like this post, things are still a little disjointed, although I am 100% on the mend, back at work and feeling positive about what is to come. Who knows where it all goes...life's supposed to be about the ride, not the destination amd I want mine to go on much, much longer...

Polk

October 3rd, 2024

Life Goes On...

 This photo was taken 14 years ago today.

Ir means the world to me, even though so much has changed since this seminal moment in The Life of Polk...

It was taken at a bar in Blue Mountain, with a man who was my very closest confident and best friend. He got me to order a Harp Lager. Surprisingly, even that euro pint was way out of my comfort zone at the time...

But more than that, so much more, it represents a time when I held the world in my hand...at least I felt that way. I was in the middle of the greatest decade of my life, without knowing it, and this pic reminds me that there was a time, a very real time, when I was surrounded by folks who loved and cared for me and who I would do anything for. I didn't realize it would all come to a crashing end, honestly, all at my own actions...but damn, those memories, those special moments, hold me here on this planet harder than any gravitational pull ever could. 

I miss the people who were so important to me then, I miss who I was too. I know that time and circumstance has landed me exactly where I'm supposed to be, but the nostalgia for a time when I had folks in my life who had my back no matter what hits hard sometimes.

In the last decade, everything I knew changed. Some of that was beyond what I could control, but so much was created right in my own mind, I pushed and pushed until almost no one was left. I miss the easy days of friendship, frivolity, and fun. I know I can never recapture moments like this, but the fact that they existed gives me hope that I can find my way home again....

That smile is so real that love goes beyond any years put behind it, and I stick around because I think that maybe, one day, I can be that guy again....

Next pint is on me.

Polk

September 17th, 2024

It's Not All Okay

Every once in a while, someone will leave a comment on a video or post I've made reviewing a beer that sends me off into a rabbit hole of trying to not only answer their query, but diving even deeper because my own obsession becomes more focused.

I like to know things, if only for my own edification, especially when it comes to craft beer, something I've spent almost a decade talking about in various forms and ways. I started out as a true acolyte, a deliver that the independently made beer could change the world, that we were better people for supporting it and that the community and industry could work hand in hand in delivering a new way to be inclusive, growing and spreading that love like a well poured pint.

Of course, if you've followed along for any amount of time, you'll know that kind of vibrant bullshit is on the surface and pushed by pretty pictures and reels on Instagram by a well meaning, but ultimately silly narrative that never wants to criticise because it's all supposed to be positive and nobody gets free stuff by wanting to talk about the dirty underbelly that hasn't ceased, even after we had some harrowing revelations not so long ago.

People have quickly forgotten the stories collected and shared by Erin, formerly of Little Beasts Brewing, supported by Ren of B. Diversity and a whole host of other brave folks who dared to speak out loud about some pretty horrible experiences that were over looked and kept underground by the community. It is no coincidence that most of the people involved in trying to bring light to that darkness have now, for the most part, left the craft beer world, the toxic blowback and general ignorance of people played a part of it, but no doubt it is the defense of people's favourite breweries, the tribalism and my team can't do anything wrong mentality that fuels the worst of what came at them. The worst of us is often the loudest in defense of what we perceive as something that represents us. That Brewery can't be led by a terrible person, I like their beer and I'm not a terrible person...this is the thinking I see. Fanboys and girls have wished terrible things on people who dare to bring up anything bad about their favourites, fueled by the current rage farming and us versus them narrative at every level of government and personal interaction we see online and in the media. Proper discussion and giving a shit about other people has been replaced with a self centered, me first attitude that belies a good community, a caring one.

But I digress...it seems easier to leave it all behind, drink beer at home and leave the bread and circuses to the clowns who want to run things...or we fight back...

Polk

September 16, 2024

The Price of Beer (Redux)

 I like to think that I have reached a point as a consumer of beer that I have a discerning enough palate and brand awareness to be making informed purchases.

I am a follower of what's new and returning, I subscribe to 100's of Brewery newsletters and keep myself always on the lookout for interesting things whenever I stop in at the LCBO.

However...

Someone asked about how I felt that the Dominion City Sunsplit IPA (delicious, by the way) cost $5.10 and it caught me off guard as I, honestly and without thought, didn't even look at the cost when I picked it up the other day.

It seems like a high price for a 6.8% IPA, albeit one of superior quality and consistency,  always a fine choice and I feel lucky that I can just get one whenever I want. It wasn't that long ago that the only way to get this legendary flagship beer was to have someone mule it back from Ottawa or when it became possible, to do an online delivery order and get it sent right to my front door. So I don't feel like I am doing a disservice to the quality when I wonder just what the high end is for really good beer that we buy? What is the price too far for us to pay?

Looking through the LCBO site, I count 19 IPAs (toss a few Double, Triple and Quadruple for good measure) that cross the $5 range, with Bellwoods Brewery Greenbelly Triple IPA (10% ABV) sitting on top at $5.75 for a tall boy. There are 70 or so between $4 and $5, with a lot of 6% IPAs rolling well past the $4.50 mark. Hell,  there's even a handful of Pale Ales priced at that halfway point. Is this just a continuation of paying more for better beer? Or is it a callous money grab by some places cash in on name recognition and reputation?

I get that ingredients and packaging cost more now than they used to and certainly there are breweries that pay better and have benefits and supports for employees, I don't think everyone is a greedy capitalist who has ulterior motives to trick consumers. Great beer, especially higher ABV ones, cost more to make and the return needs to reflect that. It is only a handful of pints that cross what once was viewed as a magical barrier to beer drinkers and as someone who's tried almost allof them, I can attest to that quality personally. This isn't even to get into those breweries that don't sell at the LCBO, lord knows I've spent a pretty penny on beers well over $6.

 I know I'm not alone when I buy without considering price sometimes. I'm not buying 24s of $6 beers, usually 1 or 2 cans of each, although it adds up let me tell you...but I also know I'm in the minority of the minority of beer drinkers, craft is but perhaps 15% of the market and despite years of growth, cracking 25% seems like a long shot at best. So how to make sure good beer gets made? Gotta pay those bills somehow, costs keep going up and there is only so much to be done at ground level to keep them down. The worry is that at some point you price yourself out of the 'curious' drinker market. The folks who like to try new stuff for fun, sprinkled in amongst their regular local or macro beers. At what point do the budget conscious, and honestly today that should be a whole lot more of us, look at the price of a beer and put it back on the shelf, a missed opportunity, but a sound financial one. 

I've been more aware of what I'm spending this year, everybody in the middle of the economy feels that pinch of higher prices for every little thing we need just to survive. I ponder what beer will look like in 5 years, who survives and what is the end game for some places that cannot keep up. There are some breweries that can scale up their production, keeping their costa lower and we see that in some fo the best IPAs available in the LCBO. Great Lakes' Haze Mama, Nickel Brook's Headstock, Sawdust City's Juicin' all retail for under $4, and I don't think anyone will question their quality or consistency. I understand that the smaller you are, the harder it is to account for such things, but I also know that there is coming a large inflection point in craft beer and who comes out the other side needs to widen their base ans bring even more folks into the fold. Quality matters, but for the vast majority of beer drinkers, price almost matters more...

I don't have the answers, but I'll be curious to watch it all play out in the coming months with the rollout to convenience stores looking like it's going to benefit the few large sized brewers over the little guys...but that's a whole other thing to write about.

Until next time...

Polk 

September 16th 2024

Do better...

 I remember when I first got into craft beer, that evangelical feeling of wanting to help spread the word about good beer and help get people off the macro train of boring and bland lagers. We all went through that judgmental phase, looking down on folks drinking mass market beers and feeling better about our bitter IPAs and bold Imperial stouts as almost a testament to better living and character. It was nonsense of course but I still see the trends out there, albeit the pendulum has swung around a little and some beer folks now pride themselves on being better because they drink lagers and bemoan the rise of the hazy ipa as the dominate force in craft beer. Is it because when nobody drank ipas and they did, it made it feel special and now that more people are enjoying ipas, they need to find something more iconoclast to lord over the regular folk? It seems to me there is an inward looking, almost gatekeeping need to separate from the masses, no matter what they like. I used to be part of the community and was deep inside that mindset of always trying to convert people to what I perceived as better beer and supporting local businesses. But as I've grown older, been around the movement for more than a decade I've come to find so much of what we thought was improvement was just a way to feel part of something unique and special. Perhaps it was, but I'll tell you everyone I came up with in talking about beer has left the game, stopped posting or writing about beer or stopped drinking it all together. The Me Too moments a few years ago have fizzled out to not much concrete action indeed some of the worst offenders continue in beer today, some even bigger than before. The consequences of terrible behavior lost in the marketing of semi okay beer and a whole lotta complacent people who either don't know or don't really care...they just wanna drink a couple beers in a taproom and forget the world for a while...can't blame them for that, the world is a shitty place and if you took time to research every business you buy from , you'd probably starve before you bought anything. 

What does all this nonsense mean? I don't know to be honest, I have a seat outside the arena most of the time now, a privilege for sure, I can distance myself from the whole damn thing, but I still wonder why people who love beer would want to look down on anyone's choice of style to enjoy. The limitless variations of what beer can be may be what drew you and I into it, but maybe someone else just likes those sours or hazy IPAs and that's as far as they want to go. Good on em, happiness is what you find when you discover the thing that actually brings us it. We need to stop trying to gatekeep peoples choices in beer and be happy we have such a diverse range of offerings. Complaining a taplist is IPA heavy everywhere just tells me you haven't been everywhere because at the 9 breweries in my hometown of Hamilton alone, each one is distinct and lined with a ridiculous amount of choice including an all barrel funk Brewery that just opened last year. There is room for eveey style, but for the love of Hops, the folks who've been here the longest need ro remember why they cared to get involved in the first place. 

  Beer for the people. 

Cheers!

Polk

July 18th, 2024

Bucket List : Singular Beer Experiences

   Last week I was able to check another bucket list beer off and it spurred a lot of conversation around not only Pliny the Elder and our perception of it as being a much sought after OG whale of a pint up here in Canada, but also of other seemingly important, often difficult to obtain beers that we aspire to acquire with desire.

  For me, it all began with places like Bellwoods, a mystical place that was making stuff no one else in Ontario was able to. I would visit their Ossington Avenue location on special occasions, almost like making a pilgrimage to a holy place and each offering I would dutifully return home with to try and make out what special thing was going in inside my glass. Of course, as I spun further down into the world of beers, I became enamoured with yearly releases, special one-offs and collaborations, stuff like Nickel Brook's Bourbon Barrel aged Kentucky Bastard, Twin Pines from Sawdust City, Double Tempest from Amsterdam and Apocalypse Later Imperial Black IPA from Great Lakes are but 3 of the truly must not miss pints that would appear from the mists of the brew tanks once a year to mark the passage of time and the joyous reckoning of their fans. But at this point, I feel that these are not really Bucket List beers anymore, although one could make the argument for the 2016 NB Kentucky, as even my last bottle, consumed in December of 2023, was still a sublime masterpiece, never to be repeated again. The specialness of these much loved yearly returnees isn't diminished because I can get them every year, rather it has become something I eagerly anticipate and look forward to being able to purchase and enjoy. But to us who can get them with ease, much like people in California with Pliny, they are something just a little below that kind of truly unique and singular experience beers that hard to come things like Heady Topper, Cantillion or Westvleteren 12. It isn't that they are not amazing, but the lack of access certainly makes for part of the charm of these beers we seek.

  Having said all of that, I have no doubt that some of the beers we regularly consume here in this part of Ontario, either local craft beer or the amazing European selections at the LCBO, which has never ceased to please me, that people in other parts of this country and others would consider Whales that they would love to try. I often wonder what truly makes that kind of Bucket List experience so special and for me it has been a combination of the rarity, history and quality over that time that drives my imagination. I have been able to enjoy many of what I would consider those Singular beer pours and even though there are some I have been able to try again, at the time, thinking I would only ever get to sip and savour it once, only enhanced what I was drinking. To be able to consume something you have dreamed about for a decade or more is not easy to describe, especially when it is the benchmark of the style, the genesis of a revolution or a revered bottle that has stood the test of time and defied all challenges to its supremacy.

  I seek out these beers when I can, I have a sense of what I wish to see materialize in my glass for a special occasion and often they seem to find their way to me through the generous hands of strangers become friends from afar. Heady Topper and Focal Banger up from Vermont via beer friends, a bottle of Cantillion sitting in my cellar now, delivered across the ocean by a lovely pal and two times I was able to experience Pliny, once in my early years and the second time just a week ago, a cousin and a new friend giving the immaculate West Coast IPA to me with joy and thoughtfulness. 

  There have been others, perhaps not as well known, but Singular Beer Experiences that rocked my core, left me often smiling for days afterword as I pondered the existence of such wonderful people and liquid art hat filled my senses. These are not the beers of yore, progenitors of styles or even well known sometimes, but they stick out in my mind for a variety of reasons that still can bring me joy at a fleeting reminder they existed. But these are not really Bucket List in the fullest sense because part of that designation is about the yearning and anticipation of one day, somehow, obtaining and then consuming their glorious contents.

   I think we live in a pretty damn good time when it comes to access to very good, even great beer, of every conceivable style. I can find almost everything I could desire within an hour of my home when it comes to this and still, there exist things, that in my mind could still be worthy of much more than I could ever know. Drinking a Pilsner Urquell on a patio at the brewery in Czechia, seeking wisdom in the Belgian countryside whilst consuming Monk beers at or near the source and raising a very large mug of German Lager as Oktoberfest swirls around me. These 3 things are what wander into my mind as the very be all, end all Bucket List trip in beer. More so than being able to check off a single bottle or can of a much sought after pint, it is these three places and the liquid gold associated with them that are at the basis for every wild fantasy I have left in my imagination. I seek no surf or sand, no beach or cabana, I want only for the simplest, purest and most joyous ways to know that where it started, where it all began, found a way into my glass as I raise it and tip back history and the future at the same time.

  I wish you well, my friends, in your own pursuit of your Bucket List beers.

Polk

Sunday April 28th, 2024

From Bad Beer to Exceptional Pints : Rise Up

 I've been drinking beer for the better part of 3 decades and thinking more critically about what's in my glass for the last 10 or so, examining the context as much as the contents as it were, occasionally traipsing into philosophy while still operating as the low-key drunk that I am. I have scored thousands of pints in video and the written word, some in as short as a few sentences and others as long as is way past what any sane person would consider necessary for a beer, always with an eye to style and truth in advertising when it comes to what I encounter. I've led with my heart, held grudges and soft spots in my soul at the same time and tried to always seek the good in every beer I encounter...even when that isn't possible... 

  What all this preamble is getting to is that after all this time, as I seek more balance and even more value for the things I have in my day-to-day life, I wonder why some of the beers we see hit the market even bother existing? Why do some breweries set such high standards and benchmarks for themselves, never deviating or sending out inferior products and why do so many others just let anything ride as long as they think it will sell? There are more options than ever out there when it comes to beer and I understand not everyone can attain the very highest level of what can be described as art writ liquid, but the sheer number of low level uninspired offerings is disheartening from not only the standpoint of someone who loves to explore new things, but from the perspective of people who are new to this all and will walk away wondering why they should spend more for something that isn't noticeably different or better than what the big corporate brewers are offering. Releasing a sub-par beer and not investing in quality ingredients or time to develop recipes that exceed expectations doesn't sit well with me and I think the flatlining of growth, while not exclusively because of this, certainly isn't being helped by it. Legacy brewers who have let reputation drift them into irrelevance and ineptitude has left me pondering what level of beer we are willing to tolerate because we are "supporting" local or provincial business. Incompetence and ignorance shouldn't be something to applaud, your dollars give way to encouraging the things you praise, and we should be far more demanding of quality in this day of rising costs and diminishing returns. 

  Having said all this, there are bright and shining lights in this segment. There are people who care a whole lot about not only the highest quality, but also in delivering something that is what they say it is and to style every time. It matters and if we tolerate it any less, we will get the beer we deserve in the end. SO, let's talk about some categories I'd like to see the beer we are being offered put into and just how we should treat them going forward... 

1. Bad Beer 

  This is a simple category, although thankfully not the largest part of what we can find when we hit the liquor store or taproom. Without getting into the whole "macro beer is basically water" nonsense, I do have some respect for the consistent, if unimaginative product those multinationals offer, I am referring to what should be a premium product, priced as such, that is littered with flaws, off flavours and doesn't do what the label or brewer says it will. Whenever I find one of these offenders, I do my best to let folks know because it isn't right or sane to let such things fly. I don't care if it's a local business, bad beer hurts the whole industry because it cheapens the values we hold for our community and the decent standards of what we consume. Labelling a low abv pale ale an IPA to try and sell more? Knowingly releasing a beer that doesn't taste like you say it does? Sending an underwhelming, diacetyl ridden lager out before it is ready for market because you don't really care? All things I have seen, talked about and often been threatened with retaliation for. Bad beer hurts the cause, I'd rather take one for the good of all, review and spread truth and save you some money by keeping you informed. Don't encourage garbage marketing and shitty beer, call out that nonsense and lift up better things. 

2. Meh Beer 

  This is beer that isn't bad, it is meh and that may be just slightly worse in some ways. It's uninspired, lazy and seeks to somehow catch onto the trends of the day, without actually doing the work or inputting the quality ingredients or time needed to deliver such things. It is often found with a visually attractive label and all the right words on the can and then when you pour it in your glass, the thing you see, smell and taste is so underwhelming, you sigh, wonder what else you have as you quickly get past this and never seek it, nor think about it ever again.  A bad beer is something you'll remember, a Meh beer is something you'll forget as soon as the last drop is gone, never to return. 

3. Mid Beer 

  This is actually not a terrible beer, despite being something of a disappointment. It's someone's favourite thing, something neither a Bad Beer or Meh Beer will ever be and its most exciting characteristic is that it isn't special. It exists, it can be enjoyable, but ultimately it doesn't really move the needle when it comes to excitement and joy. It is the Wonder Bread of beer, it could be any style or ABV, but it is a minivan that just gets you from A to Buzzed without much else to discuss. 

4. Good Beer 

  This is one of my favourite categories, because there is a decent amount of this out there. We have a lot of breweries that deliver consistently Good Beer at different price points and styles and while this is not the most exciting kind of beer, it is the most common and includes most people's go to favourites and fridge fillers. It's the beer you buy most consistently and frequently. It's beer that lives in your mind when someone says "Wanna grab a beer?", it is what you picture when I ask you to imagine a pint. It's nothing special, but it certainly is worth having around. 

5. Great Beer 

  Here we start to leave the stratosphere and get into some of the seasonal releases, special beers and perhaps, big ABV offerings. But it also includes a lager that delivers pure joy, a saison that transports you somewhere special, or maybe a Mild that becomes so much a part of the day, you don't realize you've poured another and another. Great beer transcends itself sometimes, it doesn't have to be talked about outside of acknowledging what it is and eagerly awaiting its return. It can inspire misty eyes and wistful dreams, and it can be as simple as your everyday beer, if that is what you have chosen to seek out. Not perfect, but so close, you almost don't care. 

6. Exceptional Beer 

  There was a time when I thought all "craft" beer fell into this category. Some folks still do... 

  But after all this time and finding myself utterly left speechless by truly Exceptional Beer on some occasions, I know now that this category is not so easily attainable and certainly is where only the very best we can seek out will live. I am talking about Pliny, 2016 Kentucky Bastard and that first sip of Apocalypse Later. I am talking about beer that goes deeper than you understand and often leaves you with the sense that something special happened and you cannot quite grasp it. It exists outside time and space; it occupies a part of your mind that often casts a shadow you cannot quite catch a glimpse of. It is a moment you carry forward, knowing it may never come again, truly inspirational and often aspirational. It may be as simple as the perfect pilsner on a warm summer day, a soft and gentle wind bringing the laughter of a nearby park to your ears as you tip back that first wonderful sip and feel the cascade of everything good in life trickle down into you very being. It isn't just whales or bucket list beers, it is the very essence of life, the experiences we have, the people we love and the life we wish to have. Exceptional Beer is there, it just takes an exceptional brewery to deliver it to the world. Unafraid and bold, true to everything we hold dear about this thing we do, it makes me wonder why we demand any less, accept any less...this is the beer you see when your dreams become reality. 

I wish you all only the finest of pints as this summer approaches.

Polk

April 21st, 2024