The Move

1987 Rob was a better dresser than 2016 Rob.

 Few events stand as life changing to me as much as our 1985 move from the gritty East End Hamilton neighbourhood to a relatively suburban Stoney Creek mountain one.  Growing up in the shadow of the steel plants shaped much of my character with its blue collar values, front porch sitting neighbours and the feeling that the whole community was looking out for you. The Move came at a time when our family was settling into its happiest time, yet it shook my life to the core.

As with any 12 year old, news that we were leaving all my friends and familiar landmarks behind was not greeted with enthusiasm. Who wants to leave their life and start over? Especially when you are like me and crave the simplicity and normalcy of routine. My best friend, Kevin, lived 4 houses away and we spent our free time on our bikes exploring the streets of the surrounding area. Adventure awaited every day and we felt safe no matter where we went. All that changed with a single move that led to some of my biggest triumphs and loves of my life, as well as some of my worst decisions.

We arrived in that semi detached house on Fuller Court soon after school finished and began to settle into our new lives. I had discovered a passion for hockey the previous few years and it was here that it blew up into a full blown obsession. The history, stories and numbers of the NHL gave me a foundation for stability and I grew attached to everything about the sport. I would spend hours in my room researching statistics and memorizing the players. With only 21 NHL teams, it was a simpler time and I immersed myself in everything hockey. Strapping on skates for the first time and taking to the net still remains a vivid memory and while my brief 5 year foray into actually playing hockey was filled with more defeat than victory, it stays with me as one of my happiest times. My talent never matched my heart but I soon found that those who cannot execute as a player drift towards coaching and that is where I found my calling, for a brief time at least. Our family became a Hockey one and we had a blast being part of that community for many years. This was my safe place, my refuge and these memories will always be close to my heart.

Old School Goalie!

My parents tried to ease the transition from our old neighbourhood, often bringing Kevin to stay overnight. But as any kid will tell you, when you are removed from the daily routine of hanging out, there comes a distance that cannot be filled. Not being part of the pulse of the old neighbourhood means you lose touch with the shared experiences. Drifting, I began to cut myself off from the world and live more inside my own head. I had a fantastic ability to create vivid imaginary worlds and inhibit them. With my love of books, I was never at a loss for material. The school year loomed and while I was in love with learning, the thought of being the new kid terrified me. This was a long time before any sort of anti bullying campaign and I knew what happened to the new kids. The larger problem occurred when it came to the actual school work. Several false starts and miscommunications about what I was actually supposed to be accelerated in led to a wasted few months and despite my best efforts, I started to struggle and that was new to me. I had been part of an advanced curriculum at my old school and remained so at my new one, but something had shifted in the transition. My grades remained high and my expectations hadn't changed, but the thrill of getting an A+ started to fade a bit.

I found out years later that my parents had discussed letting me return to the old neighbourhood to live with my grandparents because my depression was so deep. My struggles felt so huge and I was unsure what to do. I still get that feeling of sadness in my chest when I think of how lonely I was. But, as with most things when you're young, life changed. I met a kid from the next court over and slowly made friends at school. It was in trying to fit in that I first used humour, especially the self deprecating kind, to make myself part of the majority and it was then that I began a sideways drift towards what would be a lifelong battle with my self image. But in the meantime, I was finally happy. Our family was becoming part of the new community, especially at the arena, and life was once again appearing normal.

That time we met Gordie Howe!

The last two years of grade school present no real stand out memories. I functioned well as part of the leadership group in class and I remember mostly joyful experiences. We played road hockey, explored the ever expanding growth in our area and enjoyed many happy family times. But part of me never felt wholly present living there and despite everyone's best efforts, I yearned for a past that didn't exist anymore. Graduating from Grade 8, I tried and won a scholarship to a prestigious private high school in Hamilton and rather than continue with the friends I had made in the last two years, I decided to once again be the new kid. Looking back, I have no doubt that I was engaging in what has become a real theme of my life, Starting over. The feeling that if I just change everything about my circumstances, my life would be better. I lasted a year in that school before transferring to the local public high school because I couldn't fit in with the wealthy crowd that ran Hillfield. It was becoming obvious that I had no idea what I was doing and my grades began to drop. I started seeing school as an interference in my life rather than a help and even starting skipping class. My social network started anew, but with less than the best kind of results. No one knew what to do and while many tried to help, I was no longer listening. A theme that will present itself again in my life, many times, with the same results.

It's been almost 30 years since these events and most of reminiscing is of the happy kind, but that notion of changing everything and fresh starts remains. The next part of my life shaped the direction I would take for close to a quarter century. One decision took me off the path that most people, including me, thought I was on. One choice and I descended into over two decades of self medication and poor choices. It was a future wholly of my own volition and it started with The Party...but that tale is for another time.  

My Home

I'm helping some old friends move today and it reminded me of all the times in my life that I have packed up my stuff and tried starting again in a new place. When I was a kid, we moved a few times, at least 7 that I can remember and each one brought me no closer to finding my place in the world. As an adult, I continued this pattern with coming home and going away an astounding 8 times in 13 years. I would leave for a variety of reasons, being a smart ass teenager was one, a failed marriage another; but mostly just because I had a burning desire to get out. I would move out, love my new life for a while and then retreat to something familiar when I got my ass handed to me. This probably would be continuing to this day if it wasn't for my wife.

We have been together for almost 18 years and married for 12. When we first got hitched, we lived in an apartment and saved as much as we could for the down payment on a house. It wasn't easy, but after 2 years we had enough to start looking. Not the quickest thing to do from what we had heard, but we were prepared for a long search to find our home. How wrong we were. We went to see a big old century home in our preferred neighbourhood and Kat was quite right in seeing that it was way out of our comfort zone in terms of repairs, style and upkeep. I was on the fence, but then Rick, our realtor, suggested since we were down in the area, we should see his newest listing for comparison. Why not?

When we pulled into the long driveway, I saw the two car garage at the back and was intrigued. Then we went in the front door and came around the corner from the living room that was off the foyer, this was the moment I knew we were going to buy it. The house was a standard two bedroom, but the owners had put a full addition plus a sunroom on the back of the house. the look in my wife's eyes told me all I needed to hear. That sunroom was a window to a huge, overgrown yet potentially amazing backyard. The property backed onto a ravine and with all that room, we could have some fun back there. We couldn't put an offer in soon enough. It was a few days of back and forth but in the end we won our dream home and have been here ever since.

While contemplating the purchase of our home, I have been thinking about all the times I've talked about selling it and moving somewhere else. Not because I don't love it, quite the opposite. It is my favourite place in the whole world. My Grotto in the backyard for all my warm weather needs. Decks on decks is the motto and I build them as I need them. My basement bar, which I've dubbed Merle's (A place to get Haggard) after one of my favourite classic country stars, is my winter hangout and the place where I feel most at peace. But I have a rambling spirit and I imagine new adventures await just over the horizon. In reality all that awaits is spending another ten years getting everything up to the awesome place I have now. Kat always brings me back down to earth when I want to move to the west coast or Toronto. She knows that I am happier here than I will ever be anywhere else and it is her who keeps me from doing stupid things like moving every year or so.

But still the open road pulls at me. I haven't lived in one place this long since I was a kid and some part of me will always miss that freedom when I didn't have so many responsibilities and could just pack up my belongings and go. That wouldn't be easy of course, I have accumulated ten years worth of stuff and even with repeated clean outs, more stuff appears every year. So I will remain firmly planted in my home. We may not have the best of everything, but we have enough of what really matters.

Cheers! 



Why Do We Have So Much Stuff?

I'm running out of room. Something has to go.

When putting away the Christmas decorations yesterday, I was struck by just how much stuff we have acquired in the almost 10 years we've been in our current home. It feels like it fills every spare corner of the house and garage. Not in a hoarder like fashion, but with a chaotic organization that we alone can understand. It isn't messy or dirty, it just sort of sits there.

I do downsize from time to time. Using the internet to sell some of the better items we no longer need and failing that we donate it to local charities. I go to the dump with the stuff that is broken or just plain worn out. But it seems we still have so much.

Some things survive the purges because of sentimental value or the fear that maybe I'll need that later. I know we all probably have those items that we just can't part with because it may prove useful in the future and we take it from place to place, never actually needing it. Our crawlspaces are full of things we cannot let go of and don't know why.

I have an old bottle of Orange Crush I found when I was a kid and I've taken it with me as I've moved all my life. It has been wrapped and packed 11 times in the last 24 years and serves very little purpose except I liked the design when I was a young boy and can't toss it out. It sits in a box somewhere. That's just silly.

There are things in totes that haven't seen the light of day in more than a decade and yet are important enough to survive the big spring and fall cleanings we do every year. Lugging them from their spots under the stairs or on shelves in the garage, checking the contents and then putting them back is a semi-annual ritual we keep alive. That seems ludicrous.

I don't want to imply that we should toss stuff with true sentimental value. If something is dear to your heart because of a love one or a cherished memory, then by all means that is treasure to you and not junk. The stuff I am referring to is those items that exist in a halfway zone between useful and useless. Old kitchen gadgets, knick knacks that collect dust and only get moved to put out the holiday stuff or any myriad of "vintage" consumer electronics that seem to clutter our basements. These are the things that need to go. We can downsize without going to extremes. It is possible to find space for cherished objects while still getting rid of stuff that no longer fits who we are.

I cannot even begin to imagine what my friends and family with children must go through. Having witnessed the influx of new things at Christmas makes me wonder where it all goes, given how much they already seem to have. Most parents have a good grasp on what their kids play with and are very active in keeping the toy room at acceptable levels of stuff. Many make it a life lesson with the child helping to decide what they want to keep and then teaching them the value of donating it to those less fortunate. Good stuff to teach your kids, but I bet they hang on to some things just because.
Most of us live in a pretty affluent community. By this I mean we are not living in the slums of Calcutta or subsistence farming in Africa. We live in the west and even at my lowest point, I never worried that I would starve to death.  Don't get me wrong, I know people right here in Canada live in substandard conditions and have real worries about food, but I am lucky that those I love have places to live and enough to survive. Poverty is a real problem and I wish it could be different. Consider yourself lucky and blessed to live the life we do. We might not be in the 1%, but we are better off than most of the world. Struggling with bills, repairs and the unexpected costs of life are commonplace among us, but no one is homeless and we all know we can rely on each other for support if things go bad. So when I talk about stuff and its accumulation, I understand it is by definition a First World problem.
So let's make 2016 the year we try to get a grip on our homes. Look around and be critical.
Do you really need it?
Does it serve a purpose?
Why do you want it?
What does it make you feel?
I want to be relentless in my pursuit of making my life simpler. I don't want to lug around bins of useless junk every time I clean the garage and neither do you. Part of reclaiming my life is making space for new memories and things. As I begin to venture forth from Polkaroo Manor, I will undoubtedly purchase brewery related souvenirs. Branded glassware is my most likely target and if I want to display them, I need room. I hope I won't buy anything to put in a box and stick under the basement stairs. that would defeat my whole purpose. So I will make a real effort to get rid of stuff that I have outgrown or that simply just needs to go.
My shelves are filled with "collectible" beer bottles, that has to stop. I only have so much room and cannot keep every new beer I try. This will prove difficult because I want to keep any unique design or label I find. Perhaps I can find a middle ground. I have pictures of each brew and it might be time to print them out, get some frames and display them on the wall at Merle's (more on my home "bar" another time). I'll keep the ones that are really awesome and if I find one that I want to add, a different one will have to go.
 The basement and crawlspace will be next on my list and I promise to be ruthless in downsizing. If it is covered in dust and hasn't seen the light of day in the last year, maybe it is time to go.
 The garage is organized for the winter and I have no desire to spend days in there purging things while the mercury cruises to minus temperatures. But when spring rolls around, I will load up the Jeep with the stuff that does nothing for us anymore and off to the dump I will go.  I have big plans for a home brewing station and workshop in there, so useless junk that is in the way will have to go if I want to have enough space.
Lofty goals inspire me to accomplish things. I have set the bar so low for so many years that the slowly building momentum of reclaiming my life seems to be moving at a more rapid pace than it really is. I try not to revert to a shell of anxiety and fear as I downsize and get rid of stuff. I can see the light of day approaching and I want our home to be a reflection of who we are and a place where all are welcome.
Now if I can just find the Crush bottle.
Cheers!