I Drink Alone

   Is that a weird way to open a blog post? 

  Admitting that I drink alone?

  Well, it is the truth and I wanted to write about my life more this year, even if it seems a little uncomfortable or difficult. My greatest success and growth has come from laying it all out for the world to see and releasing whatever is inside me that tries to bring me down into the darkness again, silence is my own worst enemy.

  I think what I mean to say, without trying to downplay my lack of a social life outside my going to work or online, is that I enjoy my own company when I want to relax. After almost 4 decades in working retail, food service and general public facing jobs, I do feel worn down just a tad, the last 4 years have proven even more difficult with the rise of the selfish class, a special breed of hell mongers all their own. It has bled into almost every part of my day, the inward facing, sole spotlight seekers, to whom everyone must revolve for their existence to mean anything to them. It is exhausting sometimes and while there are some bright spots, I have not really engaged with anyone (with a few rare diamonds shining brightly) who I wanted to carry out friendships beyond the superficial stage in quite some time. Now that isn't to say I haven't met some wonderful people, but none with whom I could consider a daily friend, someone I could hang out with on a whim, without planning everything in advance and hoping something doesn't come up in between. All my best relationships seem to be online, quietly waiting for engagement when I have the mental capacity to do so...not so intrusive, yet lacking in spontaneity and time to forge close bonds that last longer than a text. 

  I did at one time, have a large circle of close pals, hangers on and assorted characters who would flit in and out, depending on the time of year, party theme or drinking indulgence. We hosted get togethers almost weekly, sometimes a raucous house full of poker players, karaoke singers and drunkards, other times just a couple close friends for dinner and games, maybe heading out on the town for a night out of nonsense and liquid fun. It was a glorious time, we were all relatively young, with little in the way of outside responsibilities and life seemed a grand stage for us to strut about, happily glowing in drunken revelry. Time marches on though, and as I tumbled down the rabbit whole of career interuptus, losing what I thought was my life, I began separating from everyone I knew, pushing them away because I could not understand how anyone would want to hang out with such a loser. Self pity turned into dark and deep depression, it took years to climb out of that particular hole, clawing my way up through thoughts of not wanting to be alive anymore to falling into a morass of self medicating to keep the demons at bay. When I finally came up from the depths, life had moved on and I was exactly where I thought I deserved to be.

  The last few years have been decent, I've grown a little better as a person, albeit one who still isn't certain of himself from time to time. I do not know if I can ever recapture who I was or at least, the part that I think I was, the happy go lucky kind of person I hope to project to the world when I leave the house. I turned down opportunities to go to beer fests, judge a beer competition, hang out with the few people who still reach out every once in awhile. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I don't know I know how to anymore. My ability to spend time alone has become a shield in defense of nothing, a tilting at windmills that only exist in my mind. But what used to be a heavy indulgence in clouded thinking and over indulgence has changed into a more quiet pursuit of peace and opportunity to try to understand who I really am underneath the layers I've painted on this life I tried to walk away from so many times. I am trying to appreciate my own time so that I can give it to others with the joy I used to. I cannot recreate the past, nor should I want to, that guy doesn't exist anymore...but I do.

  Finding myself hanging out with the Boys, I was happy, I do miss the camaraderie of The Lodge, the not so subtle jabs we would toss at each other when we discussed sports and played poker. It could get deep too, some nights we would delve below the surface, not too far, but enough that we felt loved and bonded, maybe not family, but something deeper. I salute those folks, true gems they were.

  Good times, hazy memories and an entirely different person...

  I drink alone. But I do not wallow in solitude, I have found myself slowly rising again, perhaps the road ahead is long and will not be easy, but it does not seem so insurmountable as it once did. I raise my glass to the days gone by, to the ones ahead and to the simple life I seek. Perhaps I shall find it, and you, one day.

Polk

February 26th, 2024

That Beer Buzz...

  There is almost no better vibe in the world than when you're having a couple beers and that magical warm and fuzzy feeling kicks in. Be it after 1, 2, or more beers, we all have a sweet spot for when everything is right in the world and you just drift along for a little while in your happiness.  You're not quite drunk, not quite sober, but existing in a beautiful place known as the Beer Buzz.

  It's a real art form finding the right spot, knowing when to say when and when to say just one more, a delicate balance of slow sipping and quick chugging, sprinkled in with some laughs and a smile growing across your face. I took a couple of quick polls on social media last week and found that the vast majority of folks (over 75%) who are with me for this weirdly beer centric trip I'm on seemed to agree that 3 to 4 beers was that very place to be when it came to the best feelings, the place where it's just right. I'll admit that I thought more people would lean into the old 2-Beer Buzz territory and of course some people still do, but with more than 3/4 of 300 plus people answering at the higher end, it got me to thinking if my own levels had changed over the years or not.

  There was a time when I'd get home from work and think nothing of rocketing back a 6-pack of Brava or  Old Milwaukee tall-boys in quick succession and that would get me on the way to where I wanted to go, a stumbling start to the black-out I was seeking. Somewhere along the way, I did find a better way to drink, still slipping into old habits of course, but generally being more aware of what I was pouring in my glass and trying to appreciate it gave me some pause when it came to my beer consumption.

  It's been almost a decade of riding along this craft beer road and I have finally come to a place where the conversation turned to seeking a better balance in what had become a daily grind of trying to keep up with things I didn't really care about anymore. What I wanted was a way to enjoy what seemed like the perfect feeling whenever the fancy took me. Some days that's no beers, sometimes just 1 or 2 and on those wonderful days when it really felt right, the Beer Buzz hum of that third pint with a fourth in waiting. And therein lies the art of the entire thing, knowing where you are and not having the one that tips you from the Buzz to the Drunk. I'll say that I have found since the vast majority of my beers tend to be above 6% ABV, 3 is often the best place for me to slide into home with my eyes wide open. It's a really nice feeling to not have the next beer, to know that this one was the last one of the evening and savour every last drop. Sure, there are days when I make the decision to go a little past that last beer and drag myself to another place entirely, but in the last few months, I find myself intentionally stopping at the same spot, satisfied with where I was and how it made me feel. Too many mornings filled with self reflecting conversations of how I shouldn't have had that last beer, seemingly wasting a great pint on a night that didn't need another one. 

  Honestly, I feel like that is what the goal of this entire endeavour has been. It's about enjoying a couple, three beers, without extending myself into bad habits I know I have and mistakes I want to make less and less. Taking nights off of beer, stepping away from a toxic work environment and making peace with who I am and where I came from has been a big part of this too. Understanding myself makes it easier to know when I have found that very real feeling the Beer Buzz delivers and I can lean back to enjoy it without needing to go any further. I've spent a lifetime in search of this very peaceful place...

  I hope you find yours.

Polk

February 20, 2024

  

Beer Zen - Nickel Brook Brewing Double Headstock

 

 Yesterday I stopped in at Nickel Brook Brewing in Burlington after work and was lucky enough to get to try their newest release, the 9.5% Double Headstock Imperial IPA, while also spending some time chatting with Founder John Romano about the state of the beer business in general and reminiscing about the years that seem to have flown by since we first met. I've been a fan of this OG Ontario craft brewer for many years, getting to know the people that work there only reinforced that feeling and when I heard this particular beer was coming out, it brought back a wave of nostalgia from when I first started trying all these "weird" beers back in 2014/15. 

  Up until the end of 2014, I was a dedicated macro beer drinker, the cheaper the better. It was about volume, not quality and I was adept at finding the best deals to deliver the quickest trip to getting drunk. As I started to wander around into craft beer, I was taken aback by the bitterness of IPAs, it threw me off just how full on they were after having spent the first 25 years of my drinking life drinking beers with nothing better than cold as a flavour description. It took me some time to understand what I was drinking and I can tell you that as I see other people get into drinking great beer at a younger age, starting out in my 40's just makes me wish I too had started sooner. It was a tremendous time in those days for me though, it seemed every week introduced me to a new style or a new brewery and I wanted nothing more than to immerse myself into the world I didn't know existed full steam ahead.

  I remember the first time I had a Headstock from Nickel Brook and really understood it. I felt an immense sense of comfort and latched onto to this West Coast IPA with all I had. It delivered everything I had come to love about beer and led me to other styles of IPA that has no doubt helped fuel my desire to keep going with everything I do in beer. There was a real feeling of adventure and anticipation in those days that remains a palpable memory whenever I think back to how eager we were to just be a part of it all. It was a glorious time I'll never forget.

  The ensuing years have seen explosive growth in both the industry and the community that surrounds it. Creativity and innovation not only happens in the brewhouse, but on social media as fans of the beers continue to find new and interesting ways to share their love of the beer they drink. It's changed a lot since I first started and I while I keep doing what it is I know how to do, I applaud and look forward to seeing the amazing stuff some people come up with to spread the good word. Having said that, it is rare that I truly get excited about a beer release, I enjoy new beers and returning seasonal ones too, but it's got to be something real big to get that feeling from so long ago to come bubbling up to the surface again.

 Double Headstock did just that.

  It was like stepping into a time machine from the first sip. A big malt bill, smooth honey like body with the bitter citrus and pine showing me you can go home again. I was immediately transported back to the early 2010's and that bold sense of change I was feeling around me. It was nostalgia mixed with wonder poured into a glass. A throwback to the days when I measured IBU as a personal challenge and beers like Nickel Brook's Immodest Imperial IPA and Sawdust City's Twin Pines shook the core of what I knew about myself. From the first sip, I closed my eyes and felt the woosh of time pass by and all the years and troubles fell away till I was left standing in a singular moment, experiencing the joy that beer can bring all over again. 

  This feeling remained as we talked over the tall boy we had split, sipping as the sun began to fade through the windows and it became time to say our goodbyes. As release date for this beer wasn't until today, John sent me home with a 4 pack and I thanked him for sharing this moment with me. We had talked about this particular idea he had for Double Headstock many years ago and it was a dream come true not just for him, but for anyone who loves Headstock too. As judged by the reaction from people when I posted it later online, delivering an Imperial version of this iconic beer is being welcomed with the fanfare it deserves. I'll be grabbing another 6 pack on my way home for the weekend tomorrow, it is something I relish, this feeling of completeness and joy. That a beer can do that, even if you're only having one, is a tremendous accomplishment and one that I hope more people can find.

Polk

February 8th, 2024

The Beer Store - Another Look

 

Artsy Beer Store Beer

 I come here not to bury The Beer Store, nor to praise it. I come here today to talk about what most folks who aren't me, or beer drinkers like me, think about the it and the impending changes coming to the selling and distribution of beer in this province.

  Short answer...most people don't give a shit.

  Longer short answer...they just want to get their 24's, return their empties and get on with their day. 

Beer Fridge, 2014ish

  Until about ten years ago, I so rarely bought beer at the LCBO that it wouldn't register on my radar as an option. It didn't cross my mind to get my beer anywhere else but the Beer Store, bring back my empties, grab another 24 and away I went. A simple, singular transaction that took place in a building filled with olfactory nostalgia that hits me with memories of summer afternoons getting to go with my Pop as he was picking up a pack for the weekend. It never occurred to me that there were small breweries in Ontario to buy beer at or that I would ever bother going to them and paying a little more for the drunken satisfaction I sought every time I grabbed a case. I cared not for variety, only the best price and quickest in and out I could get. Convenience sold then and it still does now.

I did so love the Beer of Summer, circa 2013

  The change in the beer drinking landscape in the last decade or so has been tremendous no doubt, but the craft beer segment of consumers still makes up a relatively small percentage of overall beer sales, despite what those of us who have become so immersed and invested emotionally in believing in what we see as better beer and a better way to make and sell it. To say we can't see the forest for the trees wants me to admit we look any further than our own beer glasses and as someone who spends most of his time with people who see craft beer as a novelty, somewhat expensive and out of their comfort zone, I know what I think of The Beer Store isn't in the majority. 

  I understand the monopoly of the three headed mega beer corporations, with a smattering of craft brewers trying to swing for the fences, isn't the best way to sell beer anywhere, I also know that most folks do not care or have it on their radar to do anything else. Beer in grocery stores is a lovely convenience, when they are able to sell 24's, no doubt that will be manna to some people. But there is no real money in beer sales for a grocery chain, there were no more labour hours given to deal with the beer section, so it is at best an afterthought in most places or worst a begrudging problem for others.

  Corner store sales will be something else entirely, dealing with a different clientele seeking sudsy sustenance, and if we think the 20% craft beer shelf space is gonna mean better distribution for anyone but the larger breweries, I think you're dreaming. It's going to mean older shelf dates, perhaps not even any fridge space at all in places where the only concern will be checking ID's and moving along to the next customer. 7-11 doesn't give a damn about freshness and rotation in beer, they wanna sell 6 packs and Doritios. I may be cynical, but I was there for the start of beer sales in grocery stores and can tell you from experience that with very few exceptions, it isn't something franchisees want to deal with, it's often more trouble than it's worth.

  But more than the problems of freshness and accessibility, the vast majority of beer drinkers have no desire to make multiple trips to different places to get their beer and return their empties. I did a couple of polls on my social media last week about what people do with their cans and bottles and about 45% of people returned them for the deposit cash back with another 35% just tossing them into the recycling bins. I should say that the people who responded are most likely drinking craft beer more than macros, not a 24 buying crowd according to another poll I ran a few weeks ago showing few people who follow along with me are getting two dozen of any single beer very often or stopping at the Beer Store for anything but returns. I know there are machines out there that take empty bottles, kind of like coin sorters for boozehounds, but if you think most beer drinkers are going to stand there and feed bottle after bottle into a damn machine instead of just dropping the case on the rollers and probably saying hi to someone who's been serving them for years, well then I believe that may be delusional. Part of the concept of The Beer Store has become focused on their high level of recovering recyclable materials and that isn't something anyone wants to really take on. It is a dirty, thankless task and let's face it, most people aren't cleaning out the bottles and cans they return, a lot of nasty stuff spills out and has to be dealt with by the folks behind the counters.

This is a man who loves the Mountains Blue...

  The diversity of selection at most Beer Stores is often cited as one major issue. The antiquated keeping of the beer in the back room that only the staff can get you or the overwhelming macro selections on the roller shelves out front is another. But if craft beer made business sense (or had the pull at the corporate level of The Beer Store) to occupy the same spaces that are taken up now by Bud, Coors Light and Canadian, they would be there. The people who are buying the majority of beer speak with their dollars and until we can get craft beer to a better place in terms of overall sales, change isn't going to come quickly. 

We have seen a lot of positive developments in my almost decade of watching and discussing beer, bottle shops have sprung up and by all accounts seem to be servicing a real need in our little community, albeit with a little sticker shock tossed in for good measure.  The profile of local breweries has certainly been raised and I know more and more people who include craft beers in their purchases, sprinkled in with their regular beers. We who are immersed would be well served to step back every once and a while to see what the bigger picture is, The Beer Store serves a larger purpose than we like to acknowledge and despite more changes coming, they aren't going anywhere anytime soon. Good union jobs, not as many as there were before, are hard to come by in beer, I don't know of many craft breweries that are unionized or even pay a fair wage. The industry will continue to go through difficult times in the next few years and despite all the optimism I see on social media, the truth is not a pretty picture on Instagram. 

  I don't know what the future looks like for The Beer Store. They will most likely reduce their footprint, selling off properties that make no sense and streamlining operations to remain viable. It will mean the loss of better paying jobs, something a lot of craft beer drinkers do not want to talk about when it comes to industry issues, and no doubt a higher amount of people who just give up returning empties because it isn't convenient.  The vast majority of beer drinkers do what they do because it is easy, they don't want to deal with anything but the simplest solution and until someone comes up with a better model, The Beer Store will continue to do what it does for the foreseeable future.

Polk

February 5th, 2024